I feel weird about throwing up a link to a message board. But really: I'm just so darned happy that it works ... and I did it all by my little 'ol self! I wrestled with that board for a few days, and I'm very pleased with how it came out. I feel like I won a boxing match.
God bless open source. And God bless FREE bannerless Brit servers, 'cause I'm about to max out my 100 MB of server space!!!