Commercials I'd Kill You--Slowly--To See

[Squishy]

Dear "1-900-Collect:" I'm never gonna use you until I see this.

Carrot Top barges into a run-down house.

Carrot: "Hi everybody! Wanna save money on collect cawwaaaaaaaghk!!"

Leatherface pops up and snatches the little a***ole up by the throat. Carrot struggles and tries to scream as Leatherface carries him into a back room and impales him on a meat hook. Carrot Top is still kicking and squealing, so Leatherface takes an axe and plants the blade right between his eyes, splitting his empty skull in two. Carrot Top's last whiny breath pushes a wad of bloody snot out of his mouth, which dribbles slowly down his chin.

Aaaaaaah. Hey, guess who I can't f***ing stand?

Okay, your turn.

[ErikJ]

The Skittles commercials
Just once I would love to see when it starts raining candies with a HARD SHELL, the people running and screaming. Huge red welts form on their bodies. Every now and then you get a few stuck together and crack a skull open,
Ahhhhh, real life

[raj]

Carrot top is so friggin' annoying, not funny.

I also despise the Michelin tire ads with the babies in them.  If you don't have Michelin tires it means you don't care whether your kids die? I hate ads like that.

[Flangepart]

Carrot Top is standing my a riverside pier. He goes into his speal, when a pleasiosaure rears its head out of the river, chomps him, and pulls his screaming carcuss into the water.
....Other then that, i have no problim with the mutant boy from Hell.
....Anyone else thought that a site dedicated to flash animations for personlised vengence on annoying commercial geeks would be a good idea? Talk about high audience demand.......

[Fearless Freep]

I refuse to use products who's commercials annoy me.

Any long distance calling plan.
Sprint PCS

Especially offensive are commercials that show the need for a product based on someone needing the product because they are an idiot.

[jmc]

I'd like to see an ad for a home pregnancy test where they find out the woman isn't pregnant and you see the guy unpacking his suitcase as he breathes a sigh of relief.

[Fearless Freep]

I've been tempted to take all four of my kids into a drugstore or wal-mart or something, carrying a half empty box of some contraceptive product, walk up to their customer service desk and say "I want a refund...as you can see this stuff obviously doesn't work!"

[AndyC]

The commercials I hate the most are the ones that attempt to convince us that we need some useless product by showing us how much the existing, cheaper, far superior way of doing things sucks.

I vaguely remember one that showed some guy going for a walk through the neighbourhood getting chased by dogs, sprayed by hoses, almost hit by cars and stuff like that. Boy, doesn't it suck to go for a walk! All that fresh air, changing scenery and potential for human interaction - horrible. It's so much better, more tranquil, to stay at home, in a room, in one spot, running like a gerbil on some crappy overpriced machine.

I remember a few products that were promoted using the same principle. They just get under my skin. We really don't need advertisers telling us that good things are bad to sell their crap. If you have a better way of doing things, people will recognize it. If you have to show us this BS, it's time to go back to the drawing board.

Comparative advertising, in general, bugs me. Tell me why your product is good, not why the alternative is bad. Taking cheap shots at the competition is in poor taste.

[littlenemo]

I hate all info-mercials that have the bumbling idiot who accidently hurts themselves because they arent using the easy promatic fitsmajig!!! "Careful that curling iron is hot!" the annoucer warns just as the woman slips and pushes the curling iron onto her cheek. "oh no! Don't let this happen to you! Buy our product within the next 10 minutes and will also send you this handy carrying case at no additional cost, but thats not all! We'll also send you an extra months supply of (crap) because its really only 98% water anyway!

[J.R.]

All people in infomercials are retards who overreact to everything. I'd like to see one where they say, "This is Jim, he had a lobotomy in '94. Of course, you won't have such a tough time turning a door knob, but you should still buy this!"

I'd like to see a pregnancy test ad where a woman gets a positive result...then walks into the bathroom with a coat hanger. Actually, I wouldn't LIKE to see that, but it would be a twist.

Then there's the pharmaceutical ads with the terrible side effects. Why don't they dramatize that? A guy sitting on the toilet with explosive diahrrea, with a runny nose, intense nausea and an inability to speak from drymouth, but hey, at least he's not depressed!

[Dano]

A man with a cell phone is moving through a dark corridor full of pipes.  He has a flashlight shining the way and a cell phone at his ear.  With every step he takes he says: "Can you hear me now?  Good!"

Cut to Sigourney Weaver, Ian Holm, Yaphet Koto and friends in that scene in "Alien" watching one blip in the maze drawing closer to that one.  Their screams of alert are ignored as the blithering idiot continues down the corridor:

"Can you hear me now?  Good!"
"Can you hear me now?  Good!"
"Can you hear me now?  Good!"

He turns a corner and his light suddenly illuminates a lunging, shreiking "Alien."

Cut to some dorky technician in the cell phone headquarters tapping the ear piece of his head set.  He says:  "Hmph.  I lost him."

[Lee]

Damn you Dano!!!! I had a similar one that now sucks. I was just gonna have the guy get hit by a truck.

Heres one:

NBC is showing there new fall line up then at the end the announcer says, "WHY THE f**k WOULD YOU WANT TO SEE THIS ON TV?!"

[Lee]

Or how about the Dell guy coming up to a possible customer. Just to get zapped with mace and then beatin up and escorted to the door by security.

[josh patrick]

Or how about those stupid football guys killing each other over a dollar they find on the road. ITS A GOD DAMN DOLLAR LET IT GO!!!! those fools b***h and wine over a dollar all the time id like to see them in an all out bloodlusting war over 100 pennies, then i come in and burn them all with a flamethrower. the dollar would of course have to catch fire too, its only right.

[Mofo Rising]

I had a great idea for a t-shirt.  The front said "Make 7", and the back said "Go f**k Yourself".

Later I found out  an actual company was making a modified version of this.  I really need to open up my own t-shirt business.