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LARA CROFT:TOMB RAIDER. 2001. 100min. Paramount dvd.

Started by Flangepart, November 24, 2002, 03:04:18 PM

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Flangepart

When video games come to life.
....Stars? : Angelina Jole...Jon Voight...Iain Glenn...Noah Taylor.
....Plot?: Girl meets tomb, girl raids tomb. Girl fights eviloverlord wannabes for old,old relic, RE: World donination.
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STUFF TO WATCH FOR!! ::::
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....Is this thing in 3-D, or is her rack a special effect?
....a pair of comped H&K .45s. The Rolls Royce of hands guns. Good call, girl!
....If she's carrying at least 6 14 round mags of even 180grain .45 ammo...do you know how much that lead weights? So, why ain't she more muscle bound?
....If those rounds are sparkin' it means they are Armor Pierceing...and they ain't workin!
....That Bot is what Crow and Tom Servo dream of being some day....
....Awww...she has her own Q. How cute!
...."A lady should be modest"= Helloooooo nurse!
....Old guys realy get fussy about time. They have so little left.
....Chris Barrie? Her butler is Arther Judas Rimmer!....why does that seem right?....
....Dream sequance.
....Oh, quit whineing nerd boy. You luckey to have a boss THAT hot.
....Head bad guy has one geeky henchman.
....Big Bad Bungee battle!
....Nerd boy better have that trailer/caravan armored in future.
....Rimmer has a shotgun! AAhhhh!
....Oh, NOW she swipes a gun off the armed thugs. Ya coulda had a rifle, honey!...
...."I think their all gone". Even funnier when Rimmer says it.
....Product placement and...what did they do with the bodies?
....I'm sorry...but her rack is makeing me loose focus on the plot point....
....Thanks for the exposision, dad.
...."Into the belly of the beast...and out the demons ass." Kinda describes this whole B-movie thing, don't it guys?
....Dang those obscure riddle thingys!
....Liveing stone temple guards: Cheap, fearless,fragile.
....Eat leaden death, b***h goddess! (No, not Lara...at the moment..)
....Never confront yer angry girlfriend while  your nekked.
....Chinooks.
....Do you realise...both heroine AND villain have nerdy sidekick/henchmen?
....Oooh,oooh, where can i get one of those Russkie anphibs?
....Oh, how did she know to ring the bell...she's guessing!
....Ah. The modle of the Russian version of Epcot center?
....Next time, hire thugs who study ballet. Could keep them alive longer...
...."Has she got the piece?"....i'm not touchin' THAT line! Quit snickering, ya rubes...
....Wet t-shirt shot....finaly!
....Ok-ey. Dad has gone into Obi-Wan mode,now...
....No! push the blade with the PALM of your hand, don't grip...oh, never mind...
...."No guns"..hey, with guns, ya might a had a chance, Mr. evil guy...
And, Finaly(yea!)....H&K, on a silver tray. The breakfast of champions!----
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-------------------- Flangepart says, check it out!. -----------------------------------------
....Good old fashioned high style mindless action. I kinda liked it. Definatly not to be taken seriously. Chris Barrie had to have been fun to work with. Anyone who has seen the Red Dwarf "Smeg ups tapes" can attest to that. Angelina has  the Lara Croft franchise, if she wants it. She has the "Tude for it. ----------------------------
....In short, a good B-movie with A production values. Have at it.
----------------------------- Back to you, Andrew!--------------------------------

"Aggressivlly eccentric, and proud of it!"

Creepozoid

This is one laughbale movie. There have been some horrid video game adaptations bu this takes the cake.

"My name is Angleina Jolie and there are only two things more fake than my British accent" *licks finger and rubs nipples*

Chon

This DOES NOT take the cake. Maybe a slice... Ever heard of "DOUBLE DRAGON" or "SUPER MARIO BROS"... Come on now!

J.R.

Tomb Raider should have been, and comes close to being, a stupid, mindless, but fun action movie. But the direction and editing are so slick and quick that it's not as fun as it could have been. Two slimes, and that's only for Chris Barrie's presence and the laughs supplied by the sheer volume of inconsistancies and leaps in logic.


~I cried because I no shoes, until I met a man that had no feet. I killed him and made shoes out of his skin.~

Foywonder

TOMB RAIDER committed the ultimate sin - it was boring. Just a dreaful movie.

Neville

Due to the horrifying nature of this film, no one will be admitted to the theatre.