Wow, you know, I thought I've seen some dumb movies in my time, but I think "Elves" has to be the dumbest (and funniest!) It stars Dan Haggerty, better know for his work as Grizzly Adams. Also, don't let the name fool you, there really is only one Elf in the entire movie, and it is the dumbest looking thing I've ever seen. It has no facial expressions, very little movement, and you never see the complete Elf. You only see either it's legs, or from it's chest up. It eats toads, bugs, and doesn't say a word in the entire movie. It looks quite ridiculous.
The story is this evil Elf, created by neo-nazis during world war II, is woken up accidently by 3 girls in the forest, and goes on a hunt to mate with a virgin on Christmas Eve to create the master race! That "virgin" is Kirsten, the product of incest between her grandfather and mother. Her grandfather (an ex-Nazi) drugged his own daughter and inpregnated her just so she would give birth to the product of only his family's genes. Now only the mall Santa, Dan Haggerty, can stop this vicious killer Elf from mating with Kirsten and creating the master race! If this movie sounds funny to you, then go find it immediately! I found my copy on
www.ebay.com. Good luck!
-Eric
