IMDB goes A*P*E!

[Andrew K]

I predicted that APE would hit the IMDB Bottom 100 after its Saturday showing on AMC, and guess what folks: it needs just three more votes before it sits up there in the company of Manos and Hobgoblins! C'mon folks, we can get it up..er..down there!

And be sure to watch AMC this Saturday when they show another hilariously schlocky ape film: the Johnny Weissmuller "Jungle Jim" feature Killer Ape!

[Hairzilla]

Jumpin' Jupiter on a pogostick! Somebody else actually got sucked [that being the operative word here] into watching the unbelievable travesty that is A.P.E. besides me?!

Why is this flick not on the Bad Movies review list??? [I guarantee that there would be a little skull beside the title!] Why doesn't this flick open with a warning about the potential mental and emotional scarring that might result from viewing it??? Out of a responsibility to safeguard the well being of the general public I think that A.P.E. should be added to the reviews section immediately!  

Being a fan of the "giant monster" genre I've encountered my share of laughably awful movies [Oh God! I'm having a "Godzilla vs the Smog Monster" flashback!] in my ongoing quest to see the truly worthwhile films, but  A.P.E. easily set a new standard for loooooow budget schlock that Ed Wood might find impressive!

This was truly the first "monster" [and I use the term very loosely] film I've seen where the creature sequences made absolutely no sense whatsoever [outside the obvious following of the script for King Kong], and the exact same "styrofoam being crushed" sound was used...over and over...Help! I think I'm slipping into another trance!...whenever "Mr. Gorilla Suit Rental" wrecked anything-no matter what it was supposed to be! [Now we know why state-of-the-art, multi story buildings are so easily destroyed in giant monster movies, underneath it all they're really made of styrofoam!]

At least the...uh, creators had the moral decency to convey that we weren't supposed to be taking this mess seriously when "MGSR" flipped off the toy plane after knocking it from its' wire! I sincerely hope that the studio responsible for unleashing this monkey spittle has since been blown from the face of the Earth!

I think that the marionette had the best scenes in the whole thing!  Can't wait to see what's playing this Saturday!

                                                                              Don't need nothin' but a good, Tokyo
                                                                              stompin' time!

[Squishy]

I'm just amazed that no one's concerned by the fact that giant (dead) sharks float listlessly off the coast of Korea and enormous snakes lurk in its trees. Because both of these critters appear without explanation or fanfare, I have to assume their presence is an accepted, established fact. Yet the US Army is only summoned when a giant silent man in a hairy-nippled rubber suit plays with a hang-glider.

Hey, I sent a commercial copy of "A*P*E" to Andrew a long time ago, but it was in a batch of films, and he chose "The Children" instead.

Can you picture the MST3K version? Everyone sits in stunned silence for the entire flick, except for Mike's vomiting and sobbing. The puppet makes a guest appearance in one of the sketches. Tom and Crow murder it. Bobo flings his poo at the camera in 3D and gives us all the finger.

Director Paul Leder continues to walk the Earth.

[Hairzilla]

"If you're wondering how Mike eats and breathes, and other science facts...La la la. Forget about it, "A.P.E." was on...and poor Mike finally cracked..."

Due to the aforementioned responsibility for the well being of the general public, "A.P.E.", more than likely, wasn't a featured film on MST 3000 due to the very real possibility of subsequent mass suicides, the complete destruction of the film industry [due to widespread paranoia of another such atrocity being released upon an unsuspecting world], and Charlton Heston losing the ability to speak!

I feel a tremendous urge to exact vengeance on Paul Leder for how his film has negatively impacted my life. I think that he should be tied up and forced to watch repeated loopings of John Lennon and Yoko Ono's home movies!  [Especially the parts where they're nekkid!]

Was showing "A.P.E." so close to the premier of Tim Burton's "Planet of the Apes" remake really a good idea? I know that my perception has been altered...

[Andrew K]

>
> Due to the aforementioned responsibility for the well being
> of the general public, "A.P.E.", more than likely, wasn't a
> featured film on MST 3000 due to the very real possibility of
> subsequent mass suicides, the complete destruction of the
> film industry

Copyright problems are more like it. They couldn't do any of the Mexican films which were leftover from the Commander USA show because after NAFTA, they were suddenly no longer public fomain

> I feel a tremendous urge to exact vengeance on Paul Leder for
> how his film has negatively impacted my life. I think that he
> should be tied up and forced to watch repeated loopings of
> John Lennon and Yoko Ono's home movies!  [Especially the
> parts where they're nekkid!]

Paul Leder died of cancer in 1994. His daughter is director Mimi Leder,
who made Deep Impact and Pay it Forward. Her first feature, The Peacemaker, was dedicated to her father's memory.

> Was showing "A.P.E." so close to the premier of Tim Burton's
> "Planet of the Apes" remake really a good idea? I know that
> my perception has been altered...

They're playing a bunch of bottom of the monkey barrel films this month; I already mentioned Killer Ape, and I think they're playing another Jungle Jim film at the very end of the month.

[Andrew K]

>
> Can you picture the MST3K version? Everyone sits in stunned
> silence for the entire flick, except for Mike's vomiting and
> sobbing. The puppet makes a guest appearance in one of the
> sketches. Tom and Crow murder it. Bobo flings his poo at the
> camera in 3D and gives us all the finger.

I imagine Stand By Me and Witches of Eastwick jokes when the ape vomits blood at the end. "Suddenly, a strange sound came from Hairyass's stomach..."

> Director Paul Leder continues to walk the Earth

As I stated below, Leder is now deceased.

[Squishy]

Huh--I never made the connection between Paul and Mimi's names; never saw "Peacemaker" but enjoyed "Deep Impact" in spite of its dribbly-syrup dramatics.  I'm strangely happy that his daughter is allowed to play with bigger budgets. Perhaps she could visit Korea someday...

[Flangepart]

To Quoth Dr. Smith..."Oh, the pain, the pain". Pain, hell, If that coronel was my C.O., i'd be sayin't "An army of One, my ass!" God, i did'en know about the Shark and Snake...what did he use that for, dental floss? I agree with Squishy, THIS was the movie Dr. Forrester was looking for! Hell, even Joel would have been reduced to tears. Am i the only one, when the blond and the(Snort) hero parted so she could go back to work, who said "Have fun filming the rape scene!" Oh...lord. Well, i was warned! Man! for us MSTys, this is Too easy! My head was shakeing in disbelief so mush i got seasick! And that puppet....i have a new symbol for evil...its that damm puppet! After the second time they showed that thing, To quote Andrew, "Ok-ey, the puppet is officialy an issue!" It is E-vil! Bare wires on the bolders, Bolt action Mauser rifles that fire multiple shots with out working the bolt, The same G.I air defence track driving past the camera five times!....where does the horror end? Okey...i feel better now....had to get that off my chest. .....i'm feeling mutch better now.....................Die, hairy A*P*E....die! Bwahhahahaha!

[Squishy]

One final note from me (although we surely could go on about this grot for days): "The Only Yongary WebSite You'll Ever Need!" at http://www.stomptokyo.com/scott/yongary/ has stills--including the bolt-action rifle, toy tank, and the bloody upchuck in all their glory--plus links to additional reviews, and the original newspaper advertisement, which is so blatanly false audiences could have easily won a lawsuit; it makes the movie look exciting and promises actual 3D. The shark and snake are also putting up a fight in the ad, which states that this film "should not be confused with KING KONG!" (An alternate title of "A*P*E" was "The New King Kong"--probably overseas and not for long.)

No worries there, mate; I wouldn't even confuse this with "King Kong Escapes."

I still don't understand: if you call yourselves "American Movie Classics," why are you showing a Korean movie that barely qualifies as a "movie," let alone a "classic"?

[Gerry]

I guess the fact that some American audiences saw it (or heard it while they did other things at the drive-in) qualifies it as a bonafide piece of Americana.  Hence AMC's willingness to include it for our viewing *gulp* "enjoyment."

But truthfully, where would we be without AMC?

[Hairzilla]

 Upon checking out [for some morbid reason that Sigmund Freud would probably be hard pressed to adequately explain] the link provided by Squishy, I'm left to wonder if those given the impossible task of promoting A*P*E, perhaps in a moment of somber realization, meant to go with "Ten tons of savage fury leaps AT the screen"! This, more than likely, would have been an accurate assesment of the total combined might of any audience misled into actually paying money to see this utterly rotten banana! ....Just when my mind was beginning to clear I had to go and see....shudder....those movie stills!

   I may never go to the monkey house at the zoo again....

[Ringneck]

Flange, I think some of those bolt action rifles are actually homemade stage props which makes the whole thing even more horrible!!!!!!!!!!  

Also note that once, after smashing what I think is an M24 chaffe tank with a rock, the debris is from a Sherman.  Actually I only think its a sherman.  THe modler made a tank that would have been shaped like a pyramid and 20 ft tall!  

The part with teh rocket wagon you mentioned is really funny too.  I mean sure it looks cool with rockets and everything, but come on couldnt they find some tanks to roll by too?  I mean the Koreans have about 40 types in thier inventory, mostly old American ones.  

My only hope is that some one didnt see the movie on AMC and think, Damn, that needs a sequel(or be "re-imagined").  

BradLaGrange

[Flangepart]

Ringneck: I can't remember what they used for the modles. One toy tank looked like a M551 sheridan. Oh, lord, this thing is weird! I did reconise a Chapperal SAM track., and the M61 Vulcan 20mm flak track. No real tanks? Must not have been scedualed that day. "Hey, G.I., want to be in movie?" Hey, and why no fixed wing airsupport on this monkey? I know, ....i know!....don't think about it, you'll only get a mental hernia. Thats why they call it Mystery Science!