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February 19, 2019, 06:26:36 AM
616520 Posts in 47623 Topics by 6376 Members
Latest Member: LionelSmary Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  New Releases & Older Crap « previous next »
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Author Topic: New Releases & Older Crap  (Read 2863 times)
Mofo Rising
« on: March 03, 2001, 02:58:07 AM »

I'm warning you man, don't do it.  I know it's got Elizabeth Hurley in it, but it's just not worth the pain.  Here's my main gripe: It's not funny.  It isn't painfully unfunny, just boringly unfunny.  A major problem lies with Brendan Fraser, who is just not a funny guy.  He's from the sledgehammer school of comedic subtlety, and yet I've hear people actively praise him for his comedy chops.  Gah!  Elizabeth Hurley, while cute, is less insidious as the a film devil than Tony Robbins is as the real life Devil.

Even after all the bashing I heard about this movie, I approached it with an open mind.  Yes, it is very bad.  Of course opening up with MTV News didn't help, but neither did the rest of the movie.  Apparently they must have thought that what made the first movie so appealing was the people arguing for an hour and a half.  And then we get some of the more pathetically drawn characters you'll see this side of the 80's.  I've known several would-be Wiccans in my time (high school girls), and they've never been anywhere near as annoying.
Of course the "Secret of Esrever" makes up for everything.  Blair Witch you are forgiven.

I'm sure everybody knows this one.  I enjoyed it, especially the awe-inspiring stop-motion.  The only complaint I have is that the main character looked an awful lot like that guy who played Greg Brady in those Brady Bunch movies.  I kept expecting him to break out with "Gee, that prostitute next door sure is one groovy chick!"  Although, why anybody would think of that woman as "groovy" or a "chick" is beyond me.

Oops!  Broke my string of "B" movies.  (Get it?  *snicker*)  I wanted to see what the fuss was over the ending, and now that I know I can honestly say I feel more secure in the knowledge.  I thought the gore was surprisingly well done, and the film taught me a few lessons.
1.  Never mess with someone's porno stash.
2.  The most beautiful thing in the world is smoking pot and f**king on a water bed at the same time.
3.  Being killed on a waterbed is significantly less pleasant.
But I'll tell you what really impressed me: PORNO JIGSAW PUZZLES!  I have no idea why there isn't a bigger market for these.  If you see me opening a store on the internet, you'll know where I got the idea.

That's it for now.  I'll close with my favorite line from PIECES.
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2001, 07:32:47 AM »

Ugh. I've avoided the whole BWJ phenomenon (fart!), but your glowing recommendation--oh hell, the universal condemnation, complete with spitting and ripping out of hair--makes me want to try "Book of Shadows"  on for size. Bring it on, beeyatch!

Elizabeth Hurley is a bad girl and needs a spanking. That's all I need to know. I bought a ping-pong paddle for just such an occasion! It's red. Naturally.

Am I suffering some kind of weird, esoteric curse? I've rented "Pieces" on two separate occasions, in two separate countries. Both times, the tape was scrunched up, so I never got to see it. Now is the time to try again, I suppose. I've never seen Christopher George play anything but a hero ("Grizzly," "Day of the Animals"--hi, Abby!), so if I can successfully obtain a viewable version, this should be...odd.
Zombie Keeper
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2001, 03:04:35 PM »

But BEDAZZLED looked funny in the commercials! - I'll stay away :-)

I'm still going to rent Blair 2 - it's just one of those things you know?

Basketcase and Pieces are average at best.

Zombie Keeper
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2001, 09:34:25 AM »

The Dudley Moore BEDDAZLED movie from the 60's (?) is so funny. You must see this one if you haven't already. Just to funny.
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