The Skies Are Full of Crap!!

[Squishy]

Fred Olen Ray continues to fortify his strong lead in the "How Low Can One Go?" competition by infecting the airline-disaster genre. It's bad enough that the complete box-office failure and worst-movie-of-the-year champion Turbulence has TWO buttsniff sequels now (...why?), but Fred revisited the already-ridiculous plot of Airport '77--complete with recycled footage--in Submerged, followed by a ripoff of The Concorde--Airport '79 called Mach 2. His latest is Air Rage, which at least has a funny title. I don't know what it rips off, but I know it rips off something; it's a Fred Olen Ray film.

(Idiot Trivia: one of the first cases of passenger incivility to be called "air rage" involved a drunken CEO climbing on top of a beverage cart--and defecating on it. In First Class. What the hell could he have been angry about? Too much leg room? Now that would be a funny Fred movie.)

Anyhow, speaking of Turbulence, I was still amazed, even in this day and age and in spite of my deep cynicism, by the box of Air Speed, which not only tries to pass itself off as a sequel to a certain Keannu Reeves/Sandra Bullock picture, but swipes the ad art from Turbluence--one of those moments (like the Battlestar Galactica footage in Space Mutiny) where you wonder, "how the hell did they get AWAY with that?!?" I mean, go the entire nine yards can put Reeves and Bullock's names on the box.

The box of Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal is one of those things you have to see to believe. Turn it over and try to read the plot description out loud without giggling or throwing the box down in disgust. You can't do it. I not saying you should WATCH the movie, mind you. Oh God no.

[Chadzilla]

As long as it doesn't start falling, ew.

By the way Squishy, thanks.  Now I'm going to go out and rent these turds (I just tortured myself with something called Fear Runs Silent, ugh) based entirely on your condom nation, er condemnation.

[Flangepart]

Guess you could call these movies the "Blue ice Capades". Look out below!

[Squishy]

Flangepart understands why I giggle every time I read the title of the anime Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water. Or see those blue sports drinks.

Chadzilla, NO! Don't do it, man! It's not worth it! You have so much to live for! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Steve.]

Don't forget, chaps. We eat the fish that swim in the sea that we dump our dumps in.