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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  Ape s***! It's about the new movie, so read at your descretion. « previous next »
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Author Topic: Ape s***! It's about the new movie, so read at your descretion.  (Read 3386 times)
Hairzilla
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« on: July 30, 2001, 04:28:07 PM »

Ok, before getting into it I'm gonna let you all know that this is a lengthy post, filled with exclamation points, that sums up my thoughts about the new 'APES flick....With that being said, Hairzilla goes critical....BOOM!    

  Tim Burton's horrid "reimagining" of the classic PLANET OF THE APES now singularly represents EVERYTHING I HATE about so-called "hip", "fresh", freakin' REMAKES! It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that, for quite awhile after leaving the theater, I'd harbored what could rightly be termed "resentment" toward the man! I wish that he would've just kept his damn, dirty hands off of this movie altogether! I think that no amount of negative reviews can be enough this time, and that Mr. Burton should have to publically apologize for this heinous act!

With respect to anyone's else's opinions of his work, which I am in no way deliberately trying to put down, in regard to THIS PARTICULAR endevor ALL Tim Burton did was show, just as he'd done with BATMAN, how he deals with attempting to handle a classic concept...he simply disregards whatever amount of source material doesn't suit him, but which was integral to the success of the concept in the first place, and builds around what's left a final product that, in this case, ends up being about as worthwhile as the Dino Delaurentis version of KING KONG! [Well, at least both monkey movies featured an actress with great legs...] However, whereas BATMAN, despite it's obvious flaws, was still a decent movie due to a solid story being written around the main characters, 'APES crashes harder than "Marky" Mark did for just the opposite reason!

For those of you that thought JP3 was seemingly written around the dino' sequences, I guarantee that you'll think DOUBLY so after seeing 'APES! No matter how anyone connected with this flick is all smiles on tv right now ["Smiles, everyone. Smiles!"...] it is PAINFULLY obvious, once you actually see it, that all of the ape s***  was thought up first and the flimsy storyline, as well as the cardboard cutout human element, was written simply to showcase it!

From the film's opening moments our "hero" serves as nothing more than an underdeveloped plot device used to get the audience to the ape world, with no  backstory offered to lend any sort of plausability to his actions which ultimately take him there, or generate any interest in him at all.  [Like...oh, I dunno...maybe he has a HISTORY of insubordinate behavior and has already been punished once for disregarding orders? He's trying to impress his female co-worker?? He's a member of P.E.T.A.??? SOMEthing, ANYthing to make his one, sudden act believable! See, I've just thought up three workable character elements, and I'm not even a writer!]

Additionally, the rest of the "human" cast might just be the most mishandled and confusing aspect of the entire movie. On the one hand these humans are part of an obviously intelligent, well spoken group that, according to the "plot", already outnumbers the apes four to one! This fact alone begs the question of why they're in their predicament in the first place rather than, at the very least, in the planning stages of a full scale conflict! While on the other hand, despite the obvious fact that they are still unskilled in basic combat and unorganized, the humans become such a force to be reconed with that the apes - trained military soldiers, armed with a variety of bladed weapons and posessing the abiltiy to outmanuver AND outpower any human - are suddenly HESITANT to engage them in battle because "Marky" generates one explosion and the rest now have primative spears and clubs?! I said it in the theater and I say it now...MY BRAIN HURTS...A plot hole this size would more appropriately be called a "black hole"...from which no intelligent concept can escape!  

This is also one of the few movies I can recall seeing where, from the audience's  point of view, there is never any real, sufficient reason given to care about any of the main characters...well except for Thade. He had ambition! I didn't even care when Ari quietly....sniff....sob....realized that nothing would come of her little crush on our boy. [Where I come from that would commonly be refered to as "beastiality", and I don't remember Jerry Springer making a cameo. Come on, she's able to become attracted to an entirely separate SPECIES?! That idea alone puts her choice of profession in a completely different light!] The original Zera would've simply noted that he was "so damn ugly", reluctantly given him a peck, and been done with it...The only truly touching moment comes when a battered, shadowed little Semos is shown painfully crawling to his cage.

The only genuinely intriguing part came during the ending which, unsurprisingly, bore a resemblance to the concept of the actual novel.

I think that what I've learned most from the new PLANET OF THE APES is that labels like "hip", "updated for [whatever time it came out]", "current" or "reimagined"....did I miss any?....are, more often than not, the KISS OF DEATH for any, potentailly cool-looking remakings of a classic! It's too bad that Andrew is away right now, since he highly recommends the original, I would be very interested to read his thoughts about this....hairy mess.

RULE OVER FLUFF! Treat yourself to the original!
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Flangepart
Guest
« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2001, 05:21:35 PM »

I haven't seen the flick yet, Hair, but you do raise a good point. I say, that wars only happen to rough equals. Italy Vs Etheopia was  Not a contest of equals. The courage of the Ethopians may have been at least equal to the Italians, but the wepons and tactics made enough of a differance, that that courage was nullified. Same with U.S.A. Vs Japan in WWII. Less so, to be sure, but in the long run.....The disparity of ability, will, tactics and technology , i must re-emphesise, must not be too large, or the survival of the heros is so unbelivable, you find your self saying, "I hated it in INDEPENDANCE DAY, And i still don't BELIEVE IT!" and when you don't believe it, brother, does it make the movie suck.  Cleverness is appreciated when the opponents are close enough, that raw force don't feed the shark, cleverness does. A close game is more fun then a shutout....same with a good action film.
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Chris K.
Guest
« Reply #2 on: July 30, 2001, 05:27:51 PM »

Poor Hollywood. When will they ever learn that remakes are the devil in disguise. Hollywood has just never learned. Oh well.

What I can't believe is that Tim Burton's favorite film is Mario Bava's BLACK SUNDAY (1960)! Wow!
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AndyC
Guest
« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2001, 05:44:12 PM »

Actually, I found the movie pretty entertaining. Few movies satisfy me, but this one did. I only dread the inevitable legions of brainless twits who will assert that it is better than the original simply because it has more bells and whistles. Happens with every big-budget remake, unfortunately.

In keeping with the format of badmovies.org, perhaps we can come up with a list of things we've learned from the new Planet of the Apes.

Personally, I've learned that:
- In a society ruled by hairy apes, civilized human servants will be clean shaven.
- Escaped slaves fleeing through the wilderness will take time to shave every day.
- Only humans would think of wiping the dirt off a sign before they read it (see also Star Trek: TMP).
- On a control panel encrusted with thousands of years of dirt, sockets for plugging in peripheral devices will remain clear.
- When designing a spacecraft that takes off vertically, the engine should be placed as far from the centre of gravity as possible.
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AndyC
Guest
« Reply #4 on: July 30, 2001, 05:46:15 PM »

Just to clarify my previous post - few *new* movies satisfy me.
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Brock
Guest
« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2001, 09:09:08 PM »

I've seen too many reviews all over the internet over this last weekend bashing the new "Planet of the Apes."

Here's my theory:  Most of these people have had these rants formulated months in advance.  There are people out there who were just waiting for it to blow, waiting for Tim Burton to screw up, waiting for it to fall short of the original.  And when the time for the movie finally came, there was no way they could view it objectively.  People need to lighten up and accept change; everyone's too quick to judge.

It was a pretty good movie, best viewed if you ignore the original.  The original is great, but you need to accept the fact that this *isn't* the same movie.  And be willing to let yourself be entertained, because this was much better than a lot of recent movies.  I have to say that this is the first movie this summer other than Moulin Rougue that I actually enjoyed and wasn't apathetic about.  It's something to discuss, something worth seeing again.

And I maintain that if the ending from the new one had been used in the original, it would now be considered a classic as well.  Both endings are equally good, but because the original ending just happened to come first, too many people have insane expectations.  They'll refuse to accept a new variation on the story, just because it wasn't there first.

It's the same reason why Aerosmith is still loved by many even though they stopped making good music after "Love in an Elevator."  Some people refuse to accept new things, just because they're too obsessed with "the originals" to see things objectively.
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chili
Guest
« Reply #6 on: July 31, 2001, 10:05:11 AM »

I wanted to love this movie but I was dissapointed too.

Start of movie: looks promising for about 5 minutes then I got major confusion over why the "hero" decides to ignore orders and risk his life.
 
Middle of movie: this is where the moaning really begins, with a line by a female ape entering a dinner party?... "I'm having a bad hair day".  zero character development, the Zera "replacement" sucks incredibly, unbelievable stuff happening, etc., declaring "martial law"... now where did he get that phrase?
 
Good stuff: Some nice little inferences to the original.  The lead ape is really evil, Tim Roth does a very good job.  He almost completely carried this film with his talent alone, uhh.. hmm.. some of the effects and scenery are cool.

End of movie: after the endless drivel it was a great suprise!  I just hope the studio get's a new director for the sure to come sequel(s).
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Flangepart
Guest
« Reply #7 on: July 31, 2001, 10:57:54 AM »

Well, if any body would use a phrase like "bad hair day" it would be an ape or wookie! And "Martial law" i could accept as a translation. Unless you know a language, you have to accept the translation that comes closest to the intent of the original. Squishy, you know Japanese don't you? Have you noted many translations that come close, but no cigar, to diologue in, say, anime or live action, that fits that bill? What i mean, is do some uses of english phrases give a false translation of a phrase unfamilure to english speakers?
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chili
Guest
« Reply #8 on: July 31, 2001, 11:18:14 AM »

lol, your right about the ape or wookie thing, it's just that I think it was intended to be a joke line and not even my teenage daughter laughed.

Guess I just have to live with the fact that the only "major" release this year that I was looking forward to seeing was personally disappointing.  By the way, my kids liked the movie even after I made them to watch the original for the 1st time the night before...
Maybe I'm just getting too old to enjoy mindless pretentious action flicks any more. Gotta have something to think about afterwords besides how much it grossed.
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AndyC
Guest
« Reply #9 on: July 31, 2001, 02:56:44 PM »

I was a little annoyed by the "bad hair day" line as well, not to mention the kids playing basketball in colourful jerseys, teenagers drinking, etc. Nothing bothers me more than a remake that tries to make a classic story "hip."

It did occur to me, however, that the original Apes film had similar little jokes, such as "I never met an ape I didn't like," "human see, human do," subtle references to Jane Goodall, and so on. Beneath the Planet of the Apes went as far having apes in a steam room.

Much as I disliked a few of the cheap laughs in the new movie, I have to admit that they are nothing new. I'm just thankful that once the ape society was introduced and the story moved ahead, we didn't see much more of it.
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