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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  Planet of the Apes Remake « previous next »
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Author Topic: Planet of the Apes Remake  (Read 3044 times)
Ringneck
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« on: August 02, 2001, 01:33:14 AM »

List.  

        I defended Pearl Harbor, I defended Jurassic Park III.  Both had enough redeeming qualities in my mind to be worth any typical Hollywood BS that the studios impregnated them with.  However Planet of the Apes just plain stunk.  

         I wanted the moive to be great.  I waited years for news a remake would be made, and years to hear it was in the works, then months for it to be released.  I had no stock piled resentment.  I liked the origional but the basic story had SO many ways of retelling it differently that I thought a remake could work.  I like Tim Burton and figured he could do a good job, Mark Wahlberg was cool in Three Kings, there were cameos by actors from the origional, so hey, I thought this would be my favorite summer movie.  

         The first part was interesting.  Lots of throw backs to teh origional like the space suits, the "Damn Dirty Humans" paraphrase, ect.  I wasnt a bit bothered by the fact that there was no Zira or Cornelias character.  Knowing something of the plot before I went, I thought that the idea of it NOT taking place on earth made for some interesting possiblities story line wise.  

         I was curious why humans were considered to have no culture, yet they spoke the same language as apes, sometimes speaking to apes.  You'd think that would cause some ethical questions.  I raise hogs, but I'd go pork free if I could discuss politics with them.  I ignored that though as something I'd have to swallow to enjoy the movie.  Did anyone notice how the music the ape organ grinder plays on his wierd instriment is the same as some of the music in the origional?  I havent figured out why apes play basket ball though.  

        No M1 Carbines in sporty custom stocks though this go-round.  Ape City still looks Bedrock-ish though.  It reminded me of those "Monkey Mountains" they have at zoos.  

      Once Wahlberg and company escaped though the movie started going down hill.  Lots of corntrying to force plot points.  Why didnt the Gorilla who watched over Ari just take the pistol from Mark?  Why bust it?  If he thought Mark could destroy them all with it, might it not be handy to have it yourself to destroy pursuing apes or Mark should he get unruly and start throwing feeces?  What kind of gun cn be busted over a rock anyhow?  I think this was an attempt at social commentary against guns.  Poor attempt.  I'm pro gun but still could have worked more convincing arguments in.   Wouldnt that gun have come in handy at the end though..........   I guess we all learned that in survival situations its better to risk death than to chance things with gun ownership.  All that "Self defense" training you took in classes at the mall will get you through it.  


           THe ancsestry of the humans confuses me.  Apparently they came from the decendants of those on the space station who it was implied were killed by the enhanced apes in some kind of rebellion.  Where were these peoples guns?  Sure apes are stronger, but come on, a detachment of MP's could have held them back with pistols.  

         As for hte surprize ending, which I wont spoil because its to bizarre and non relevant to the plot not to laugh at, Where did it come from?  I mean, I saw it comming during its buildup, but cant figure out why it was thrown in there.  

BradLaGrange
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Mofo Rising
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« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2001, 02:09:25 AM »

This is going to be a topic for a while, I think.

"I wanted the movie to be great."

There's your (and most people's) problem right there.  It's a summer movie remake of PLANET OF THE APES.  How good did you expect it to be?  I love the original POTA as much as the next person, but it's not BATTLESHIP POTEMKIN.  Escapist entertainment was what I expected.  Of course, I thought the new film was only good, nowhere near great.

Did anybody else find the views of the monkey city constrained?  Maybe Burton was going for a dizzying shock effect, but my first reaction on the tight shots exhibited during the city scenes was "Gee, those sets must be pretty small."  I think I know too much about moviemaking

Also, those apes evolved pretty fast.  I can rationalize this on the grounds that they were already genetically tinkered with, so there may have been a high mutation period until they stabilized.  (This also explains the many species of advanced apes when the ones on the ship were all clearly chimps.)  I've seen an explanation for the ending as General Thade gaining access to time travel, through the rift or the device the slave-trader pockets, going back to earth and organizing the apes to take over the planet.  Plausible in bad movie terms I guess.  However, they also went on to elaborate that Thade and his crew had to interbreed with earth apes to bring up the population.  I'm sorry, but that would be like me having sex with a chimp and expecting actual progeny.  (Note: Despite what you may have heard, I've never had sex with a chimp.)

My theory on the ending is that it was a surprise for a surprise's sake.  My secondary theory is that it was simply an alternate universe.

Also, the world is not ready for a leading man to love a chimp.  Sorry, furries.  Did anybody else imagine porn music coming up when Marky Mark spouts "If you get me out of here I'll show you something that will change your world!"  Was it just my row?

My opinion, all in all a mixed bag.  There are a lot of good points, and there are a lot of bad points.  Logical inconcistencies and just bad science.  Poorly mixed humor and homages.  (Although I did like Heston's cameo.  Did anybody else notice the pro-NRA dimension of his speech?)  There was a excellent Danny Elfman score.  The opening credits were sweet.  I'd give it four slimes, but I'll have to wait and see how it holds up on video.
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Squishy
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« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2001, 04:06:39 AM »

The Ending: I've read that the official word is it was meant to be confusing, thought-provoking nonsense. And that it was whipped up at the last second. Which doesn't make any more sense than The Ending itself, but the "last-second" bit I believe wholeheartedly.

My take: Marky Mark's gone nuts. (James Earl Jones voice) No matter where he goes, he'll always be on...the Planet...of the Apes.

Alternate possibility: third Earth. (Ours/Walberg's is number one, The POTA is number two. C'mon, English. It's Earth.) Marky's a Slider.
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Chadzilla
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« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2001, 11:51:13 AM »

I heard the ending was supposedly taken from the original novel?  Marky and Bonham Carter were supposed to do the wild thing but the studio forbade bestiality.  Too bad, I'm sure there are a lot of disappointed plushie fetish viewers out there.

I'll see it on video.
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Chris K.
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« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2001, 12:48:26 PM »

I either have a choice to see PLANET OF THE APES at the theatre, or see something else. I was disappointed with JURASSIC PARK 3, I was disgusted by the atrocious acts of PEARL HARBOR, angry with the horridness of FREDDY GOT FINGERED, and just p**sed as hell with SCARY MOVIE 2. And yet, after hearing some of the reviews for PLANET OF THE APES, I feel that I would rather watch PEARL HARBOR instead (but I won't and I'll just intice myself with TORA! TORA! TORA! instead for being better than PEARL HARBOR, but well all know that so this is just off the topic). Of course, the reviews of PLANET OF THE APES that I have read were from the regular film going audience. Have you guys ever read the reviews from the real critics? Roger Ebert just adores the remake! But as I always believe, if the critics like it the audience will hate it and if the critics hate it the audience will love it. How true is this?

So I'll wait until PLANET OF THE APES comes out on video. In the meantime, I will watch the original.
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Apostic
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« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2001, 03:27:37 PM »

"The Ending: I've read that the official word is it was meant to be confusing, thought-provoking nonsense. And that it was whipped up at the last second. Which doesn't make any more sense than The Ending itself, but the 'last-second' bit I believe wholeheartedly." - Squishy

"I heard the ending was supposedly taken from the original novel?" - Chadzilla

Sigh.  No one has seen the movie has bothered to read the book?  C'mon, it's not even that long of a book, nor, I imagine, hard to find.

In the book, the human, his mute wife, and talkative child go to Earth.  After landing, they see a figure in the distance in uniform.  As it comes closer, it turns out to be an ape.

And then the story ends.  A prologue introduced the story as a message in a bottle found in space.  In the epilogue, the spacefarers who've found the bottle talk about what a fantasic story that was.  One of them decides it's just a silly hoax, and then scratches her muzzle....

regards,

Apostic
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Ringneck
Guest
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2001, 10:53:04 PM »

Mofo.   I too wanted summer entertainment, and I thought Planet of the Apes could be a perfect vehicle for that.  But it just got way to off track and convoluted after they got to the remains of the space station that I just couldnt stand it!   I liked lots abotu the movie like the throw backs to the origional, the actors(Roth and Wahlberg especially.  Infact, Marky Mark behaved more like most people would in those situations, rather than the way Moses Heston philosophied through everything), the make up and effects, and how they didnt make it just like the first movie.  

     But come on, action doesnt count for everything.  The way Roth's character got penned in that control room was a cop out.  It looked like they needed a quick way to wrap up the film so Whalberg could get in his space ship and fly to Washington BC(bad pun intended).  

        My sole big problem with the film is from where they reached the space station to where Wahlberg took off.  The whole Ape/Human showdown was just terrible.  Like watching Braveheart and the Patriot fought on Road Warrior sets(ever tied three Gibson movies together while talking about an unrelated movie?  Not easy).   Why di the humans have to go out and re-kill all those apes blasted by the space stations rocket?  Notice most were thrown hundereds of feet up in the air and would have died on impact, not forgetting the extreme heat genereated.  You cant stand behind a modern M1 tank without having your clothes melt to you.    

         I think Marky Mark wanted off the planet so he could find a better movie to be in.  

        However, I think the sequel may be better.  It looks like Wahlberg will be like Milo/Ceaser was in the origional series, except liberating humans.  Who knows, but I hope Burton stays on to do it.... Remember Oliver Stone was wanting to make it and I can only imagine watching two hours of Thade trying to convince his captured human slaves to "Open the files".   If Burton doesnt do it, I hope some how John Milius can get on board.

        maybe I was to rough on the film, I did really get into the first part and liked most of the other elements.  

BradLaGrange
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