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December 16, 2018, 03:41:24 AM
611876 Posts in 47246 Topics by 6300 Members
Latest Member: WinonaJhq Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  Movies I Don't NEED To See... « previous next »
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Author Topic: Movies I Don't NEED To See...  (Read 5180 times)
« on: February 28, 2001, 06:25:45 AM » know they suck.

The ad campaign for "See Spot Run" is just incredible. First, IT WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. Every time I watch frickin' "Simpsons" reruns, I see the "See Spot Run" trailers at least twice. Second, they don't even have sources for the obviously-phony critical "raves" they post. Never mind the "preview audience members" who (try to) act like they've just seen the greatest film ever made (all of whom should be arrested). Third, it features a zebra's behind, the tail lifting up with a "funny" sound effect, followed by...a FART JOKE! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! THAT'S SO FUNNY! FAAAAA-AAAA-ARRRT! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! WHERE DO THEY GET THIS MATERIAL! Fourth, it features the tag line, "It's Doo-doo or Die." (See previous bout of sarcastic laughter.) Finally, vicious dog attacks are not funny. Ask Diane Whipple. Nor are dog droppings, whether stepped in or eaten with Fava beans and a nice Chiante.

I cannot believe there are human beings desperate enough to have appeared in this "film," or even in the trailers for this "film," even in the poorest crackhouse-filled slum in Crapsburg. The dogs may be forgiven, they had no idea. Hell awaits the rest of the cast and crew, and they have reserved seats in the deep end.

Then, today, while I'm looking around my local video trashheap, I see a picture of Pauly Shore with his finger crammed defiantly up his nostril, as though to say, "Yes, America! I'm soooo over with! I'm about as funny as...okay, I'm not even as funny as a FART JOKE! Screw you! There's still somebody out there stupid enough to give me money for doing THIS! Duhehehehehe! Bud-dee!" He's on the box of the brilliantly (I mean, BRILLIANTLY) titled "Bogus Witch Project." And that's all I need to know: two awful, hideous crimes against humanity (BWP and Pauly) collide, and they DON'T taste great together.

(By the way, my thanks to the producers of "Futurama" for giving this bastard a guest appearance on the show, and subsequently, a paycheck. S***-for-brains.)

*pant *pant *pant
Warren H.
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2001, 11:05:07 AM »

Poor, poor Paul Sorvino.  Who did he pi** off that he has to appear in crap like See Spot Run?  And, uh, for all the claims of it being a family film, that's crap.  If your family is entertained by dogs attacking mailmen (or even criminals, for that matter) get your family some help.
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2001, 12:40:10 PM »

During one of the countless times the commercial for this jabootuian eyesore is shoved at me my son pointed at the screen and giggled at something (I think it was the dork bouncing in the store aisle whilst imitating an airbag).  I asked him "Do you want to see that movie?"

His face instantly lost its brightness and turned delightfully somber (on a six year old it can't look any other way in this context) and he said "No."

Reality check:
My wife was attacked by a dog recently, she still limps a bit on really cold mornings, and Diane Whipple coached at a school just down the freeway from where I live, so I wondered if there would be any protest about the timing of the release of this zany debacle, none that made the news that I could see.  Nonetheless this stuff just isn't funny.  I'll stick with Cujo and Man's Best Friend (don't knock it too much, it's got Lance in it).
Brian Ringler
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2001, 12:41:50 PM »

Bogus Witch Project is very terrible, I watched it for one reason, they have Michael Ian Black (from the state, which I miss greatly) listed as a main actor.  He was in the movie for 30 seconds, and thats even being generous on my part.
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2001, 01:07:32 PM »

Squishy,my man, relax...If it hurts you this much, thats all the warning we need. I'm a dog person, i know two Rotweillers i conciter friends(because i've known them from pups,and the owners are in control)...but no, dog attacks are not cool. what were they thinking?
Brian Ringler
« Reply #5 on: February 28, 2001, 02:13:55 PM »

It is like watching the same thing over and over, because there are 4-5 blair witch parodies in the movie, and each one uses almost the same jokes.  They drug on even longer than the movie itself did and boy did blair witch drag.
Mofo Rising
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2001, 03:06:16 PM »

I don't know, I'm always up for a good fart joke.  (Notice I said GOOD fart joke.  Try listening to George Carlin sometime.)  And while violence is often ugly and terrible in real life, it can be very entertaining in the movies.  So a well done dog attack played for laughs could be very funny.  The trick is to know the distinction between what's on film and real life.  You don't get p**sed off at roadrunner cartoons, do you?

That being said, there's no way in hell you'll catch me watching SEE SPOT RUN.

No, the current movie that's been bothering me is 15 MINUTES.  The trailers been playing at every movie I've seen and on television non-stop.  It looks like a load of pretentious garbage.  I haven't been mauled by a campaign this extensive for a movie I don't want to see since THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY.  And I like artsy movies.

Also, that new movie with Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ray Liotta looks to be one of the worst things ever.  Not even cleavage is saving this one.
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2001, 07:19:37 PM »

Well, The Talented Mr. Ripley was interesting, but we could have done without the murders.
Stupid Jacob
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2001, 07:46:26 PM »

Yea, it does look reeeeeeal bad. I'm fighting the urge to see because my favorite actor, Jason Lee, is in it.
« Reply #9 on: March 01, 2001, 06:19:38 PM »

A good fart joke?hummmm...Well, how about The Sphincter in "mystery men". That blew me away...sorry. Please, no open flames during this discusion!...Can't think of any others right
« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2001, 05:19:25 AM »

Actually, Pee-Wee's character was "The Spleen." (Never mind.)

Best fart joke(s): "The Terrance and Phillip Show" on "South Park," especially the Thanksgiving Special--and of course, the SP movie. They pretty much captured AND exploited the utter limitations of the flatulence-related gag.

Worst fart joke(s): Here's a few hints--Eddie Murphy, multiple roles, and Disney (for God's sake).
Warren H.
« Reply #11 on: March 02, 2001, 12:22:31 PM »

If the trailers for that showed me anything, its that Sigourney Weaver can look more sexy in her sleep than Jennifer Love Hewitt can ever imagine looking.  I'll take the slightly older, much more graceful lady over the tramp who can't do anything but shove her boobs and ass in my face anyday.
« Reply #12 on: March 06, 2001, 04:21:07 PM »

Eddie Murphy,multipul roles...but God had nothing to do Michael Eisner,maby, but he just thinks he's god.
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