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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  Passion of the Christ (spoilers, I guess, and the boat sinks in Titanic, too) « previous next »
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Author Topic: Passion of the Christ (spoilers, I guess, and the boat sinks in Titanic, too)  (Read 5602 times)
Brother Ragnarok
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« on: February 25, 2004, 04:41:49 AM »

The Passion of the Christ


   It’s late, and I have to get up early, so this review isn’t going to be terribly structured, but I don’t imagine you don’t need a plot synopsis.  Here, then are my thoughts on The Passion of the Christ in no particular order.
   I can’t figure out why this movie is so controversial, perhaps excepting the extreme violence.  I’ve heard it said that the movie is under attack for being anti-Semitic.  Well, no, not really.  Not unless you think the New Testament is anti-Semitic too.  I mean, the Pharisees are represented as drooling lunatics, but they were.  Religious zealots of any kind are raving madmen.  It’s to be expected.  The Roman soldiers are far more repulsive and barbaric than the Jews in the film, so I don’t know what everyone is complaining about.
   Mel Gibson likes to watch people fall down.  A lot.  Perhaps a little too much.  I understand that religious epics are long movies for a reason, but we really don’t need to see Jesus walking through the streets of the city getting spat on and falling down for 30 minutes straight.  I understand that it’s his (Mel’s, not Jesus’) money and his movie and he can do what he wants, but in some scenes he got Metallica syndrome and got a little too self indulgent.  Everything doesn’t need to be really long and drawn out for the audience to get it, when you essentially have the same three things happening over and over again.
   The film is subtitled, and the dialogue is in Hebrew, Aramaic, and Latin.  However, 2000 years ago, the Middle East was populated by Saxons, Jutes, Celts, and three or four Africans who just happened to be fluent in ancient mid-eastern languages.
   Gibson could be a great horror director.  Watching this film is a test of endurance.  Imagine if The Texas Chainsaw Massacre were three hours long.  It’s kinda like that, watching and the whole time wondering just how much torture one person can be put through.  The answer:  a lot.  Passion puts a lot of horror movies to shame in the gore department.  When Jesus gets whipped by the Roman soldiers, the skin is completely flayed off his body in places so that his bones protrude.  It’s pretty intense.  And the one shot that I had for whatever reason predicted would be there, was there - a money shot of a hammer striking down a nail and having a jet of blood squirt into the soldier’s face.  There’s even a nice little gratuitous gore scene where one of the thieves Jesus is being crucified with gets his eyes pecked out by a crow.  Unnecessary, but kinda cool.
   Then there are the demons.  Judas is pursued by a host of demonic creatures, from a beast made of shadow, to children with fangs and amorphous faces, to Satan himself.  And Satan looks a bit like Eddie Izzard.  Satan wanders through the background of the movie being all androgynous and staring at Jesus from under his eyebrows with an “I told you so” look on his face.
   It’s apparent that Gibson has a good eye behind the camera, there are some really cool shots in the movie.  My favorite is what I dubbed “the raindrop shot,” where the storm that follows Jesus’ death is preceded by a single raindrop, which frames a birds-eye view of the crucifixion scene for just a moment before splashing to earth.
   That being said, here come the complaints about inaccuracies.  First, they’re all white, but I already covered that.  Next, they hammered the nails through his hands.  I know it was stated somewhere that they just couldn’t get the through-the-wrist approach to look real on film, but still.  Half the time the Romans didn’t even bother to use nails because it was more expensive anyway.  Then there’s Gibson’s “I have complete creative control and I’m going to hit the audience over the head with really bad and obvious symbolism no matter how much it undercuts the power of the scene of Jesus’ death” shot.  After the body is taken down from the cross, we briefly cut to the crown of thorns sitting next to a hammer and the three nails.  Except the ends of the nails were pounded down to make sure they held in the wood when the crucifix was raised.  And they didn’t have claw hammers, so they never would have gotten the nails back out, and even had they managed to pull them out somehow instead of cutting them or just ripping his hands off them, they wouldn’t have come out that straight again.  Then back to dead Jesus being cradled by Mary and dramatic music, but whoops!  that goofy and pointless shot killed the dramatic tension.  Bad Mel, bad!  Don’t worry, I’ve only got two more complaints, and I’ll let everyone else fill in the gaps I missed when they see the movie.  The three women who show up to wash Jesus with their tears are absent, and the soldier who stabs Jesus in the side with the lance is not named Cassius, as the movie has it, but Longinus.  I know it’s just one man’s interpretation of the story, but why bother changing little details like that when they don’t effect the film if they’re left as they were in the source documents?  It just makes the filmmakers look ignorant.
   So there you have it, my two cents.  I’m sure there are those of you more well-versed in the mythology than I, I’ll let you handle the more technical stuff.
   To close, a buddy of mine who was sitting right next to me blacked out and fell out of his chair during the whipping scene.  To my knowledge he’s not squeamish, nor intensely religious.  It was, no doubt, some medical difficulty.  He was taken to the hospital.  I’m afraid, however, that this will now be passed around campus and become legend of how “I was at Passion, and the Holy Ghost touched someone and he passed out!  God is so AMAZING."  To those people I say, shut up.



Post Edited (02-25-04 04:09)
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Mr_Vindictive
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« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2004, 09:49:01 AM »

Dude, thanks for the review!  I'm trying to talk my wife into going to see the flick, but I doubt it'll work.

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__________________________________________________________
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raj
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« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2004, 10:05:12 AM »

Jesus dies in the end?!  Auuggghhhh!  Well, you did say spoilers. .
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Chris K.
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« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2004, 11:13:30 AM »

A nice little review, Brother Ragnarok. I haven't seen the film yet, but I hope to this week. And I also hope it's playing at my theatre as well, so I might have a review on hand as well.
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Deej
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« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2004, 12:24:30 PM »

Brother Ragnarok wrote:


  And Satan
> looks a bit like Eddie Izzard.


Did he threaten Judas with "Cake or Death"?

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DJ
Mr_Vindictive
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By Sword. By Pick. By Axe. Bye Bye.


« Reply #5 on: February 25, 2004, 12:27:29 PM »

Deej wrote:

> Brother Ragnarok wrote:
>
>
>   And Satan
> > looks a bit like Eddie Izzard.
>
>
> Did he threaten Judas with "Cake or Death"?
>



Heh, great stuff!

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__________________________________________________________
"The greatest medicine in the world is human laughter. And the worst medicine is zombie laughter." -- Jack Handey

A bald man named Savalas visited me last night in a dream.  I think it was a Telly vision.
Brother Ragnarok
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« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2004, 02:42:43 PM »

As an addendum, after my buddy got back from the hospital he told me the doctors discovered that he had a potassium deficiency and hadn't eaten enough that day.  Also, his mother has an hereditary disease that causes seizures, and he thinks that this is a sign that it's been passed to him.  So God didn't do it.

Brother R

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There are only two important things in life - monsters and hot chicks.
    - Rob Zombie
Rape is just cause for murdering.
    - Strapping Young Lad
Mr_Vindictive
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Karma: 128
Posts: 3702


By Sword. By Pick. By Axe. Bye Bye.


« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2004, 03:02:49 PM »

Dare you challenge my power Brother R!?!?


(One ticket to hell please)

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__________________________________________________________
"The greatest medicine in the world is human laughter. And the worst medicine is zombie laughter." -- Jack Handey

A bald man named Savalas visited me last night in a dream.  I think it was a Telly vision.
Scott
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Hey, I'm in the situation room ! ! !


WWW
« Reply #8 on: February 25, 2004, 05:17:19 PM »

I've heard that all tickets are sold out for some time, so maybe we'll see it next week. I've read that all the churches have bought up all the tickets and ministers are helping people as they leave the theater.

SPOILER:................................................................................................... ................................
................................................................................................... ....................................................
................................................................................................... .....................................................
................................................................................................... .....................................................
................................................................................................... ....................................................


I hear that Jesus rises at the end of the film.

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raj
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« Reply #9 on: February 25, 2004, 05:48:12 PM »

Scott wrote:


> SPOILER:................................................................................................... ................................
> ................................................................................................... ....................................................
> ................................................................................................... .....................................................
> ................................................................................................... .....................................................
> ................................................................................................... ....................................................
>
>
> I hear that Jesus rises at the end of the film.


Apologies in advance:

Does this mean there's going to be a sequel?
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Dr. Dunkenstein
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« Reply #10 on: February 25, 2004, 11:24:41 PM »

Brother Ragnarok, your friend isn't the only one who has passed out at the movie. I heard that once person even died inthe theater. I'm sure some people will say it is some kind of sign. However, a lot of what I've heard sounds similar to what I've heard about The Exorcist after it opened up.

Nice review.
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Brother Ragnarok
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« Reply #11 on: February 25, 2004, 11:40:06 PM »

I assume you read my little addendum that told what the problem was, Dr. D.  It obviously wasn't God, and I have a hard time believing someone actually died while watching the movie.  If they did, then it must be a relatively common thing to happen, that it happens in lots of movies.  But since it's this movie, well, everyone's gonna make a big deal about it.  Even though it probably happened to some poor shmuck watching "The Core," too.  But I'll bet he died from laughing so hard his heart exploded, not divine intervention.

Brother R

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There are only two important things in life - monsters and hot chicks.
    - Rob Zombie
Rape is just cause for murdering.
    - Strapping Young Lad
Dr. Dunkenstein
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« Reply #12 on: February 26, 2004, 12:12:33 AM »

I read that. I wasn't trying to say it was caused by God. I was agreeing that whenever anything happens a group of peoople will claim that.
The death was something I saw on the news this evening with interviews with people there, so it probably happened. And I'm sure people have died in theaters before, but no one would think to mention it. When a movie like this comes out, a death will make the news. I apologize for not making myself clear before.
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Susan
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« Reply #13 on: February 26, 2004, 12:14:10 AM »

>>I hear that Jesus rises at the end of the film.<<

Do I smell a sequel? ;-)
I wonder if after seeing this movie everyone will rush out to buy the book...

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wickednick
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« Reply #14 on: February 26, 2004, 12:48:19 AM »

Susan wrote:
> I wonder if after seeing this movie everyone will rush out to
> buy the book...
>

I heard the book was better.

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Smells like popcorn and shame
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