"Horrors of Spider Island":Utter Trash!!!!

[peter johnson]

Alert!!  Alert!!
Good lawd, if you haven't already seen this:
From Alpha Video DVD:
"Horrors of Spider Island"(1962) -- hideously dubbed West German flick, originally released as "Ein Toter hing im Netz" or "It's Hot in Paradise".
Where to begin?
The worst most fake fight scene I have ever seen, EVER, in any movie.  Just a perfect example of how NOT to stage a fistfight.
A truly laughable spider puppet (Das Spinne!!) for the initial monster.  He bites some guy, "Gary", who's marooned on a tropical island (Watch those Norwegian Fir trees!!) with a dozen slutty dancers.  Gary sort of turns into a spider-monster himself from the bite, with huge, jiggly rubber claws, and a mouth with 3 fangs.  That's right:  3 fangs.
Despite their impressive length, jiggly rubber claws don't do much damage, so Gary gently strangles his un-struggling victims.
Some things I learned from this "movie"(?):
The proper name for a clip-fed automatic pistol is "a revolver".  In case you don't get this fact right away, they repeat it several times.
High heels provide excellent traction in sandy, damp soil, especially if you need to run.
If you find a long-handled hammer on a deserted island, it is conclusive proof that someone on the island is prospecting for Uranium.  This fact is also repeated several times for your edification.
Slutty semi-whore "dancers" are all really looking to fall in love with the first penniless beach bum they stumble across.
An airplane that takes off with 2 engines can grow 2 additional engines while in flight.  This helps when the airplane crashes dead on into the ocean in a flaming ball.
A straight-down flaming crash into the ocean is easily survivable by all passengers.  In fact, they need not even get their clothes wet.
* * * * *
I didn't even check to see if this has already been reviewed on the site here.  I was/am possessed by the fever of pure discovery & just wanted to give my initial firsthand impressions of how jaw-droppingly awful this thing is.  My lawd:  Plan 9 is Citizen Kane compared to this surreal thing.
Anyone else see it?
peter johnson/denny crane

[The Burgomaster]

I have the "Something Weird" DVD version of this.  The DVD case has the "Horrors of Spider Island" title, but the opening credits of the movie use the "It's Hot in Paradise" title.  You're right . . . it is pretty bad.  But still a lot of fun.

[lester1/2jr]

I've only seen the preview for it on that something weird sampler.  I'm sure it's great, judging by the topic starters descrition

[nobody]

I thought this movie was great... but that's only because I saw it on MST3K. I can't imagine watching it without Mike and the bots.

[peter johnson]

I dunno --
Personally, I find the comments my friends and I can make to be wittier than the bots., if the comments are needed.
Really, some shows just stand on their own.  You don't need a commentary track to highlight the surreal absurdity of the bad plot and dialogue.  
For example, I didn't enjoy "Eegah!" as much as a MST3K as I did on its own.  I thought the bots talked over some of the stupider dialogue, and it would've been funnier to just hear what the bad actors were saying on their own.
Saying that, I do admire what the guy has done with his cheap "bots" & show concept.  More power to him --
peter johnson/denny crane

[StatCat]

It's fun, stupid, and trashy all at the same time, you know I love it.

[Scott]

Loved this film. How about when that jet nose dives into the sea and then in the next scene you see them paddling in a life raft without any injuries. It's suppose to be a German film and the copy I viewed was from Image Entertainment thru Netflix.

[Dunners]

Yep according to IMDB it is a german film.


" ya jerk you stepped in my web!..which I made with machine tools from my garage"

-Crow T. Robot

[Vermin Boy]

To this day, whenever I'm trying to get someone's attention, I have to fight the urge to yell "Hah-loooo!! Tek me vit yoooooooo!" Great badfilm. :)

[Yaddo42]

I've seen it MST3Ked and not, even seen the "Reel Wild Cinema" shortie version. Cheesy no matter how you look at it, but I can't hate it. I actually kind of feel sorry for this film for some reason. It's like the sickly runt of the litter, you know going in it's in trouble and doesn't stand a chance, but I still feel pity for the thing. So I wind up watching parts of it when it turns up on TV.

[lester1/2jr]

sometimes something weird movies will suck but have a really awesome scene or two.  there's one called "Roseland" that's like that. It's a total piece of junk except they do thiss song called "you can't fart around with love" that's amazing.  One of the craziest things I've ever seen.

[Vermin Boy]

Yeah, they include that song as an extra on the Godmonster from Indian Flats DVD, which itself fits the crappy-movie-good-scenes mold: Every scene that doesn't feature a GIGANTIC KILLER SHEEP sucks, but the scenes that do make the disc a must-have.

Speaking of "You Cannot Fart Around With Love," does anyone else think that Something Weird needs to release a CD of songs from its movies? It could have that, "Jilla Jalla Jellyfish" from Sting of Death, "Deadlier Than the Male" from Mantis in Lace... It'd be great!

[peter johnson]

Oh, hell yes!!
We need more song compilations like that.  I'd like to see the music/songs from "Creature From the Haunted Sea" on there as well.
Speaking of bizarro songs:
Do all of you on this site own at least one "Demons of Stupidity" CD?  And if not, why not?
* * * * *
I love the description of this film as "the sickly runt of the litter".  It's why this website exists.
You could do a thread on just the crash scene alone.  For example:  While the suddenly 4-engined flaming plane is plummeting oceanward, we get a closeup of 2 of the slutty dancers holding their hands out side-by-side and screaming into the camera.  Talk about surreal Expressionism:  Why aren't they in their seats?  Why are they standing up?  WHERE are they?  They aren't inside an airplane, that's for sure, not with that plain grey background.
Truly dreamlike in its illogic.
peter johnson/denny crane

[Vermin Boy]

Don't know where you can get the original, but I have a Roger Corman tribute album called Stock Footage that includes a nifty sort of girl-punk cover of the title song from Creature from the Haunted Sea (amusingly, it includes a recreation of all the dialog over the song in the movie). Other highlights of the album include a cover of the poem from Bucket of Blood, a TMBG-like song made up entirely of random quotes from Fall of the House of Usher, Man or Astroman covering the main theme from It Conquered the World, and a hilariously wrong tribute to Teenage Caveman by Johnny Legend and Zacherle.

Oh, and thanks for the plug! :)

[Mr. Hockstatter]

I loved it when they crash in the ocean, and they're floating around talking about how a ship will surely be by at any moment, and Mike and the bots are like "Yeah, the ocean isn't that big".  That was a great one.