Related subject: "B" video games

[Writer]

Considering how some video games these days are getting more and more cinematic, I wonder whether anyone has tried judging video games the way this site judges movies. To be sure, some video games are bad just because they're tedious to play or something like them has been done a million times before, but how about games which have a crummy story, or sleazy translation ("All your base are belong to us" being, of course, the most widely known example)?

One of my favorite really bad video games is Zombie Nation. It's apparently about the head of a Japanese samurai who goes around blowing up buildings and eating people in an effort to save America from an evil alien who's animating the Statue of Liberty. No kidding: this is an actual game for the old 8-bit NES.

What's your favorite bad video game? Choose games from any console or operating system you like. The only common factors it needs to have for this kind of review are:

--It has a story.
--The story sucks.

Score bonus "slimes" for howlers in the translation or actual quotes of thoroughly incoherent explanations of plot points.

[BeyondTheGrave]

I remember one game I had for Sega Genesis called "Zombies That Ate my Neighbors". Basically it was a really fun game problem was you could kill the enemies with a water gun and balloons. Now I doubt you can kill a chainsaw wielding manic with 99 cent water gun. Plus you fought gigantic babies. As for the story don't remember why their were crazies running around and I don't believe it was explained.



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 You can’t give it, you can’t even buy it, and you just don’t get it!-Aeon Flux



Post Edited (01-22-05 21:14)

[Drezzy Mac]

SHAQ-FU~!!~!!~!!

Shaquille O'Neal walks down Chinatown and sees some thief run out of an antique store and into an alley. He chases the thief, and then goes through a portal and into some other world where he must use Shaq-Fu, his own personal fighting style, to retrieve the special amulet that the thief (who turns out to be some sort of mutant) stole from the antique shop.

[iluvdolma]

The Toxic Avenger got his own game for the NES, GB, and Genesis back in the day.

Also there are two Evil Dead games. I only recommend the second one for a rental, Fistfull of Boomstick, to all those hardcore Ash Campbell fans. I played through the game once, and all the game really has to offer is Ash's one-liners.

[Writer]

Zombies Ate My Neighbor was a game for the SNES, too. As I recall, it was a parody of a lot of B-movies, so there wasn't much call for a plot. One game for the NES that was a major parody of numerous bloody "B" horror flicks (and consequently never got licensed here in the USA) was Splatterhouse, apparently a story about a guy rising from the grave to rescue his girlfriend from all kinds of Halloweenish horrors.  (It was in Japanese, so I'm going by the pictures for this account.)  The player character wears a Jason-style hockey mask, and carries an axe around for whacking the nasties.

[Mr_Vindictive]

Zombie Nation....yes that one was a bit strange.  I used to have a ROM of it somewhere.

Zombies Ate My Neighbors - This one is still a favorite of mine.  I played it on my SNES and still have it laying around.  You get to fight Dracula, The Mummy, Creature From Black Lagoon, giant babies, tentacles, wolfman, martians, etc.  The game was creative as hell.  B Movie creatures and a plethora of cute weapons...they need to update this game for the new consoles.

Splatterhouse - I never played the original, but I have played Splatterhouse 2 on a Genesis emulator.  Basically your woman gets kidnapped so you have to put on the "jason" mask that makes you all powerful.  Really fun game.  Gory with numerous horror references.

Fistful Of Boomstick - Great game if your a big fan of The Campbell (as I am).  For 20 bucks, it doesn't offer very much new stuff but the price is right and it's full of Campbell goodness.

[BeyondTheGrave]

I loved Spatterhouse. I remembered it had a time limit in which you had time to save your girlfriend.like if you got  to the boss late she be dead or if you got thier just in time she be on  the verge of death or if you got their with time to spare she be ok.


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 You can’t give it, you can’t even buy it, and you just don’t get it!-Aeon Flux

[Menard]

There are two Windows games based on slasher films.

 One is Friday the 13th: Return to Camp Blood in which you play Jason Voorhees and go around different locations to kill all the teenagers. There is no way to lose the game. It is quite good in capturing the flavor of the films.

The other is A Nightmare on Elmstreet. This one can be lost as you play Freddy and pull teenagers into your nightmare, but have to kill them before they wake.


Here is a link for their download page. There is a Halloween game on the page, but the file is incomplete:

Horror Games Downloads


Warning: This link goes to an Angelfire site, so beware of pop-ups.



Post Edited (01-27-05 10:27)

[Euthanatus]

I remember some old b-type games on the Amiga (ok I'm old so what hahah):

This one kinda cheezy one was pretty fun (for short durations) called Brutal Football, where you score points by beatin on the other team.  There were weapons laying all over the field and you could stab, punch, etc.  If you beat up a guy bad enough his head would pop off and you could grab it and field goal kick it.  My buddy and I used to get "intoxicated" and play it all the time - we'd throw the ball in the corner and just duke it out until all the players were dead haha.  Brutal Football was a blast, but it was nothing compared to the adreniline rush of Speedball 2!

[Writer]

Oh yeah! The beat-'em-up sports games were always a blast. I remember one called "Arch Rivals" for the NES that was the only video basketball game I ever liked, because it involved taking the ball from the other guy by punching him in the face. Technos (the guys who did River City Ransom) also did a number of games in Japanese starring the same bunch of squashy little guys that involved fighting in all kinds of sports (cross-country running, obstacle courses, basketball, and--of course--hockey). It was always fun watching the various characters blow their lunch or run around with a wedgie, though the games could be devilishly difficult to control.

[Phantom187]

Godzilla Japanese Import for the Dreamcast had a giant Professor Serasawa which shot death rays from his hands, you'd blow up entire towns and is exactly what a Godzilla game should be made like TO DESTROY ALL AND EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH! especially those pesky toy tanks lol. I think it was similar to that hydrogen thing which kills off Destroya except its welded to his hands. What was cool about that game was it had minya but no mothra :(. Mechagodzilla was great in it especially his "SHAY" or stance when he is getting ready to pounce. LOCK ON poof there goes the Neighborhood. SUPA X3 is also an unlockable player but I never got around to getting it. If you wanna play the best Godzilla games ever made get Godzilla 1 &2 with a moded Dreamcast or Japanese version and you will have a blast. There are 2 godzilla games for the Xbox as well but I havn't picked them up. One is an online fighting version and that should be different.

[JohnL]

>This one kinda cheezy one was pretty fun (for short durations) called Brutal
>Football, where you score points by beatin on the other team. There were
>weapons laying all over the field and you could stab, punch, etc.

There was a similar game called Future Bastekball. It was a top-view game where you could attack the other players and steal the ball. There were power-ups on the floor as well as mines.

>Brutal Football was a blast, but it was nothing compared to the adreniline rush of
>Speedball 2!

I liked Speedball 2, but either the computer cheated big time, or I really sucked at it. The match would start, we'd both rush forward to grab the ball and every single time, the computer would run right through my guy without so much as slowing down. I had every single attribute maxed out and it still didn't make a difference. The computer would throw the ball down the field and every single time, one of his players was in exactly the right position to catch it. I try the same thing and the only member of my team who's even in the general area is on the other side of the screen from it, then the computer who has a player right there, catches it and throws it back down the field. Most of the time, if I had the ball and a computer player attacked me, he'd take the ball and I'd end up on my butt. If a computer player had the ball and I attacked him, he'd keep the ball and I'd end up on my butt. Needless to say, I didn't win very many matches against the computer.