Alone In The Dark

[Mr_Vindictive]

Summary
Christian Slater is Edward Carnby, a paranormal researcher who is trying to find out what happened to him and 19 of his other friends when they were children. His search leads him to artifacts from the Abkani, an ancient race that disappeared 10,000 years earlier.  Evil Ensues.

Review
I really really really wanted this to be a good movie when first hearing about it. I was hoping it was going to be Uwe Boll's way to make up for House Of The Dead. Uwe Boll's final chance at redemption!

But, alas, it came in at #14 it's opening weekend. It seems that Boll is now stuck as the new Ed Wood.

But, the movie actually isn't that bad. My wife and I finally got around to seeing it last night in the theater, and you know what?

I actually kinda enjoyed the movie.

It goes without saying that we were the only two people viewing the film, but that just added to the experience. We were able to take our jabs at the film verbally and get a laugh or two out of it.

I'm not even going to start getting into the details of the plot, because there is little plot. A crazed scientist has created evil creatures that destroyed the Abkanis centuries before. He's trying to find a passage to the "dark world" under ours. It's convoluted, not very well thought out, and downright confusing at some points.

The film also tries to incorporate any and all horror/action cliches that it can. We get taxi chases through a sidewalk market, evil creatures being killed by light (yeah...that's new), and some seriously cheesy dialogue.

And who's idea was it to put Christian Slater in the lead of this thing? Why!? Did they actually think that people would flock to it because it had a strung out 80s star in it? The guy looked like he was just there for the paycheck so he could get stoned again. And what has happened to Tara Reed? She used to be hot, now she looks just as strung out as Slater.

Now, here's the biggie. Uwe Boll's direction. The man's direction is passable, and not really that annoying in this film. I was actually surprised at just how much better it is than House Of The Dead. The man has some talent lurking in him somewhere. I feel that if he had a good script and good actors, he'd make a 'decent' director.

Well, if the studio banned him from putting music videos in his films, that is.


"IRAK is almost gone, BOLL STAYS!!!!"



Post Edited (02-02-05 08:10)

[JohnL]

>And what has happened to Tara Reed? She used to be hot, now she looks just
>as strung out as Slater.

She had a little bit of success, got a completely unecessary and very badly done breast enlargment and let it all go to her head, probably by way of her nose...

[Mr_Vindictive]

JohnL,

Yeah, I too saw that unfortunatly gruesome image of the flop out.  I'd sue if I were her. LOL

[JohnL]

>Yeah, I too saw that unfortunatly gruesome image of the flop out. I'd sue if I were
>her. LOL

I like how people on the net dubbed it "Frankentit".

[Brother Ragnarok]

God damn this movie rocked.  It's like the Jesus Lizard, it sucks, but it kicks ass.  Boll clearly hasn't lost that craptacular touch of genius.  I was afraid this movie might have been coherent, and therefore intensely mediocre, but good ol' Boll pulled through with another beauty.  Can't wait for the DVD.

[Jack Corbett]

Brother Ragnorok, (nice FF8 reference there)

I respect peoples opinions, but Alone in the Dark:

- Opened at No. 13 at the box office, and
- Is currently at No. 13 on the IMDb's bottom 100 list. (with 1.9 out of ten)

I sure as hell am NOT going to see it.

[Brother Ragnarok]

Hey bro, this site is a shrine to fun bad movies, and Alone In the Dark (which, oddly enough, only one person ever is in the whole movie) sure as hell is that.  But bad it is, and those boxoffice numbers are like that for a reason, I must say.
Also, I'm not really sure what FF8 means.  If you're talking about the Jesus Lizard thing, that's an old Beavis and Butthead callback.

[Mr_Vindictive]

Yeah, I'm with you Bro R.  People keep saying how much they hate Uwe Boll and how they'd never EVER go see one of his films.......and yet we're on a bad movie msg board........just doesn't make sense.

Thanks for mentioning Jesus Lizard.  Haven't heard anything from those guys since the early 90s.



Post Edited (02-04-05 06:56)

[BeyondTheGrave]

I respect that you guys liked it, but man I just didn't like it. I might be jaded because other video game movie (which I happen to like the game) got ruined. One credit I give the movie though it It was rated R. Horror movies now a days are always PG13. The only cool part I thought was the chicks head that was split open.

 
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You can’t give it, you can't buy it, and you just don't get it!-Aeon Flux

[Jack Corbett]

Brother Ragnarok, the "ff8" thing was short for the Video Game (PSX) called Final Fantasy VIII. There is a spaceship you use in it called the Ragnarok. (or something like it, can;t really remember)

[Brother Ragnarok]

I've never played a Final Fantasy game, but the kids seem to like 'em.  The name is more a reference to Norse mythology.  Ragnarok is the death of the Norse gods and the beginning of the endtimes.  The Brother part is because it's my handle at the Brotherhood of Bad Movies site www.cinemasodomy.com, if you're interested.  Hasn't been updated for over a  year, but we may be coming back real soon.

[Jack Corbett]

Why don't you buy FFVIII? I bought it last May (with some birthday money) and it cost only $18.00. I'm serious, you WILL NOT regret it. The Dollet landing is simply amazing. And the theme song - Liberalli Fatale - is excellent. As well as Squall and Seifer's battle at the beginning is pretty well animated. Hell, there are even gun-sword hybrids.


Well, I'm not surprised they included s word like Ragnarok in the game... they use tonnes of 'em.

Sorry if it seems like I am trying to promote the game.

[Mr_Vindictive]

FFVIII isn't that great.  But then again, I don't dig on RPGs that much.  The best out of the series are FF, FFVII, and FFX.  The rest are passable at best.

[Jack Corbett]

I remember that a couple of months ago, Play (You gave MGS2 8.2 out of Ten?! WHY YOU LITTLE...!!!!!!!!!!) did an article saying that Final Fantasy VII was one of, if not the best game ever made.

Frankly, I agree with it.

They are also re-releasing it on Gamecube with all new graphics. But that is what I have heard.

[Brother Ragnarok]

I don't own any gaming consoles, and probably won't any time soon.  I can count on the fingers of one hand the video games I can stomach playing for more than ten minutes, and I definitely don't have the patience to play any of these 250-disc 8 million hour RPG games.  I've watched various roommates play them, and it's not for me.