Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"
Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
March 28, 2024, 05:36:58 PM
713367 Posts in 53058 Topics by 7725 Members
Latest Member: wibwao
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  The New Barbarians « previous next »
Pages: [1]
Author Topic: The New Barbarians  (Read 10278 times)
Andrew
Administrator
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 0
Posts: 8457


I know where my towel is.


WWW
« on: April 13, 2005, 01:36:53 PM »

The other night my good friend Todd visited us.  Usually we play Warhammer after the kids go to sleep, but this time we decided to watch a bad movie or two.  Well, the film we picked was "The New Barbarians," because I had bought the DVD after seeing it at Best Buy.

Everything was on track for a bad "Road Warrior" type film from Italy.  There was the deadly, but reclusive hero, with his souped up car.  There was a band of angry religious fanatics who killed everyone they met.  The deaths were also usually quite goofy, like the one guy who was decapitated by the blade mounted on a sponson.  However, the blade did not have any way of moving up or down.  It was mounted on level with the vehicle's window.  All you had to do was duck and it would go right over you!

Let me see, there was also the rescued "hot woman" who gave the hero guy nookie (in a clear plastic tent - why you would have a clear plastic tent is beyond me).

Oh, and Fred Williamson, complete with exploding arrows in his futuristic bow.

Jump forward some, because this has to be told a certain way.  The next morning Katie asks us, "So, how was the movie."  Both Todd and I look at her and say three words, "Male anal rape." and then look very unhappy.  

The hero gets caught by the bad guys and, because he used to be one of them and seriously dissed the big cruel leader, is treated to some sort of ritual.  They tie this guy up to an A-Frame and then the evil leader gets ready to sodomize him.  At this point I am comfortable, because Fred Williamson is going to appear and save the day.  Well, the pants come off and the evil guy is about to breech the line of no return.  No Fred!  Oh, oh no, where is Fred?  Damn you movie, where in the hell is Fred!  This cannot be happening.  Argggghhh!

And there you have it.  I have two vivid memories from the film.  One is the clear tent, the other is...that.

Logged

Andrew Borntreger
Badmovies.org
Gerry
B-Movie Site Webmaster
Bad Movie Lover
****

Karma: 49
Posts: 971


It's not what you say, it's how you say it.


WWW
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2005, 01:40:47 PM »

Yikes! Just struck that movie off of my  must-see list.
Logged
Scott
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 186
Posts: 5785


Hey, I'm in the situation room ! ! !


WWW
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2005, 01:49:01 PM »

Is this your first film since being back Andrew? Well, if it is then it sounds like a tentastic film........................

Logged

Archivist
Guest
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2005, 07:02:39 PM »

I thought 'The New Barbarians' was also the title of a hardcore 'theme' movie from the early 90's?
Logged
raj
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 110
Posts: 2549



« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2005, 10:17:50 AM »

Note to self:  stop watching New Barbarians right after the clear plastic tent scene.
Logged
Archivist
Guest
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2005, 06:24:02 PM »

The New Barbarians could actually be useful under the right circumstances.

Say you've got an awful date who won't go away, and won't get the hint.  So offer to watch 'this classic Italian B-movie' with her.

After the horror, talk feverishly about how the evil leader must have such a sense of power, and how the hero must have felt like being split in two.  Work yourself into a foaming frenzy and 'uncontrollably' flick your eyes towards her rear.  Calm down, but still act a little agitated.

Then go for a romantic stroll in the back yard where you have a rather fetching A-frame newly lashed together.

Best case scenario: she'll suddenly remember that she has to feed her cat and never call again.

Worst case scenario: her eyes will light up and you have to live up to the implied message.

~Archivist~
Logged
Andrew
Administrator
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 0
Posts: 8457


I know where my towel is.


WWW
« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2005, 08:27:16 PM »

You can actually watch it for a while after the tent scene.  I mean, there is also the little scamp that fixes the hero's car, but tries to kill him every time he visits.  

Just know what is coming if you keep watching after the "Templers" capture the hero.

Logged

Andrew Borntreger
Badmovies.org
hbrennan
Guest
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2005, 10:11:49 PM »

Glad to see you're back in the saddle (B-movie wise). Now I can bounce back between Jabootu and here!
http://henrybrennan.blogspot.com/
Logged
Neville
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 142
Posts: 3050



« Reply #8 on: April 15, 2005, 06:34:48 AM »

LOL I thought these things only happened on prison f
licks. Reminds me of Jean Claude Van Damme saying in the Making of "Savage" how he was sure it would became a cult flick. Yeah, right! B-movie freaks just love watching half of the male cast being raped.

Logged

Due to the horrifying nature of this film, no one will be admitted to the theatre.
Archivist
Guest
« Reply #9 on: April 15, 2005, 08:40:46 AM »

Van Damme made a movie called 'Savage'?  I thought that was a Olivier Gruner flick.  Or another by the same name?  Geez, after the disaster of Replicant I gave up on ever seeing a good Van Damme movie ever again.
Logged
Pages: [1]
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  The New Barbarians « previous next »
    Jump to:  


    RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
    Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


    Popular Articles
    How To Find A Bad Movie

    The Champions of Justice

    Plan 9 from Outer Space

    Manos, The Hands of Fate

    Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

    Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    Dragonball: The Magic Begins

    Cool As Ice

    The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

    Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

    Do you have a zombie plan?

    FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
    ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

    Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

    Lesson Learned:
    • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

    Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

    HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact

    Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with the Fair Use Law, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.