Abraxas: Garbageman.,uh, I mean Guardian of the Universe (1991)

[trekgeezer]

Andrew was overly kind to this turkey.  

Starring Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Sven Ole-Thorson as Finders (some kind of Galactic cops).  Sven's gone bad and starts having delusions of godhood. He travels to Earth to impregnate a human (Finders aren't supposed to have relations or procreate) so she will deliver (after a 30 second pregnancy) the Comater (a child who will know the anti-life equation) which will  be his ticket to Supreme Beinghood. Of course Jesse, his ex-partner, has to stop the plan.

The film maker made a lot of mistakes:

Jesse and Sven have way too much dialogue. Sven is fine just standing around looking mean, like he does in most of his roles. Jesse is, well, Jesse. You can take the boy out of Minnesota, but you can't take Minnesota out of the boy. Those alien accents do tend to vary.

The picture was so dark most of the time that I couldn't see what was going on.

The dialogue was shall we say, BAD!

A big surprise is Jim Belushi showing up in the middle of the movie as the school principal(read on IMDB that he did it as a favor to his wife, Marjorie Bransfield, the heroine of the movie). If he wanted to do her a real favor, he would have told her not to be in this thing.

I noticed that Franco Columbo, another friend and business partner of Arnold Schwatzeneggar, was listed as Executive in Charge of Production in the credits.  I think all these guys needed a tax wite off.


This movie rates as rancid limberger on the ol' Cheese-o-meter.



Post Edited (05-24-05 19:32)

[Yaddo 42]

I used to wonder if they picked the title since maybe Jesse Ventura was a fan of the old Santana album "Abraxas". It passed a few seconds while trying to watch this once on TV.

[alandhopewell]

     I had to stop watching this; it was giving me a headache. I've been watching awful movies for over fifty years, and that doesn't happen that often.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-9z5WOCEs4" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-9z5WOCEs4</a>

[ChaosTheory]

I don't hate this movie, but then I watched it under the alternate title: "Bob Villa Goes Berserk"
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzgnXG72VMI" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzgnXG72VMI</a>

[claws]

I think it's cheesetastic. The shirtless Ventura telling unintentional homoerotic story to the small boy in the bedroom is like a scene out of a Zucker Brothers movie.

[Flangepart]

And of course...
I'm thinking 'that magazine is empty.' 30 rounds and that's it. But of course, as it's a movie, and a stupid actioner, well...
(Sigh) WHY do I persist in using logic? Is it masochism, or just eternal optimism?

[JPickettIII]

This movie is corny.  But I like it.  Worth a watch at least once.  I would give it at least one slime.  Jesse the body and the Russian dude (other alien) have been in a couple of movies together.  The Running Man and Predator.

I have this on a combo pack and it is the best movie in the pack  .

Later,

John