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Ozzymandias
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« on: June 02, 2005, 11:01:10 PM » |
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It was either Michael Weldon or Roger Ebbert who said the 70s was the only time you could see a PG movie made about making porn films. This movie is kind of like that. To paraphrase Crow T. Robot “You know a movie is bad when it makes the ‘Carry On’ films look real good.’ This movie is like that. This would have been a better film if it was in the hands of the ‘Carry On’ folks.
Let me explain why I watched this film. One of the actors in this is a well-known local sportscaster who does at talk show on one of the radio stations I work for. Someone had to order this off E-bay to get a copy of this stinker. He won’t talk about the film and I can see why. I thought it would be fun to see him (several years younger). I didn’t realize he was at the end of the film.
With that said, the film involves three former classmates, Conrad Bain ( Dark Shadows , Maude , Different Stokes ) Alan Oppehiemer ( $6 Million Dollar Man , Murphry Brown and the voice of Skeletor on He-Man ) and John Byner ( Bizzare , who see attend another classmate’s batchelor party and notices that the stripper leaves with another classmate, played by Bubba Smith. They decide to go into ‘the world’s oldest profession’ but run it as a legitimate business.
They rent an office and take out an ad in the help wanted ads to find ‘workers.’ Everyone who applies is looking to be a secretary (their also all ugly). Finally, Oppehiemer interviews a woman, played by Misty Rowe ( When Things Were Rotten , Happy Days and Hee Haw ), for an artist position at his advertising firm. She is a horrible artist, so he decides to use her in the ‘other business.’
They trick her by having a Latino business man/lover, played by Tom Smothers (??although as a Latino he looks like Dick Smothers), convice her that in order to become a great artist she must have sex with any man that comes throught her front door.
This makes her landlady, played by Phyllis Diller, suspicious, the mob get involved, and Smith gets mad when the guys ask him for advice on being a pimp. Rowe then meets a nerdy guy who likes her paintings played by David Landsberg ( CPO Sharkey ), gets her to expose the guys ‘business’ on a live TV. One of the anchorman is played by Ned Reynolds (KYTV and KTXR/KWTO-FM).
This film really never get going into any fun. It’s kind of stiff and bland. I wasted an hour and a half on this.
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