OT: Some advice needed (concerns a girl)

[daveblackeye15]

thank you all of you! I feel a lot better now. I think I will tell her soon, maybe this month, perhaps over a lunch. Mom thinks I should try and ask her something among the lines of "Are you really my friend or have you just been really nice to me?" Which I think is a bit dumb and may be offensive. I dunno what do you think? I don't think I'll ask her that.

[h.p. Love]

I had a wild "what if" thought. What if you were to get her to read this thread. Maybe she'd think it was sweet that you were putting such serious thought into this. Surely she'd never forget about it. I think it would be really different. Sort of a Sleepless in Seattle approach. (I could edit out this post).

Then maybe you'll date, get engaged, and married. Then Andrew can promote that his website led to a marriage.

[odinn7]

You could just try stalking her....
Just kidding Dave, don't do that.
Good luck to you. Let us know how it works out.

[daveblackeye15]

Sure I will. Thanks.



I mean I'l tell you guys when something happens not the Stalker idea that was mentioned.



Post Edited (06-08-05 14:49)

[Menard]

daveblackeye15 wrote:

> thank you all of you! I feel a lot better now. I think I will
> tell her soon, maybe this month, perhaps over a lunch. Mom
> thinks I should try and ask her something among the lines of
> "Are you really my friend or have you just been really nice to
> me?" Which I think is a bit dumb and may be offensive. I dunno
> what do you think? I don't think I'll ask her that.


I agree with you. That line seems like putting her on the spot and could offend her.

[Susan]

Ok we are all different, there is no code book. But as a woman in my life i have had "friends" ask me outright for a date, what's worse is when you want to be just friends with them and you get the "BUT WHY? WHAT WOULD IT HURT? GIVE ME A REASON". holy god, i didn't ask for a spanish inquisition! If she says no, do not ask her why...just say that's cool, but i'm always here.... and move on.  But if you do ask her out, be sure she knows if it's a date or just hanging out. It's not just how you ask her but how you look at her when you do it. That's how i knew the friends (above) meant a date date, it's how they looked when they asked that was far beyond the "hey lets check out that new movie". If you guys just started hanging out together i'd suggest working your way up by checking out a new hot movie in the theater together. The barbeque you're going to is an opportune time for that "hey, did you see the preview for that movie! That looks pretty awsome, c'mon lets go check it out saturday afternoon or something"


We are all about signals, you gotta learn how to read someone, chemistry happens.  Not all women are touchy so that isn't a great way to read someone. But sometimes you can tell when you're sitting around talking and she locks eyes with you, sometimes between conversations the eyes meet and that can tell it all.  Also it is important if she talks about guys and relationships with you, that is really how a girl opens herself up to a guy. I don't mean the man bashing chit chat but the "oh i wish I could find a guy who....." convo. If you can get into that then you can slip in the "well you can just forget all those guys and take a chance with me" line in a joking way and see her reaction.  Then somewhere remind her that at the bbq someone slipped some vodka in her drink and she signed a contract tha she promised to marry you when she was 30 if neither of you were with anyone.  heh, that'll win her



Post Edited (06-08-05 21:25)

[Ozzymandias]

Susan wrote:


> holy god, i didn't ask for a spanish inquisition!

NNNNOOOOOOOOOBBBODDY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Get the comfey chair! (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

Seriously, I had two different situations. I fell for a girl in 7th grade and someone told her that I liked her. She would pretend to like me for awhile and then turn and tell me things like "You make me want to vomit" or "I wish you'd die."
I thought that eventually I'd win her over. By my senior I was ready to give up. My mom made me ask her if she would go to the prom with me. I knew she would say no and she did. Then she made a huge fuss about me asking her. She later married the guy she went to prom with and I'm happy to say he is now serving time in the state prision for making and selling meth. She remarried and her second husband had a cowboy hat on in their wedding pictures. I think I was above her.

The other person was girl in college. We were in a campus organization together and we worked together on a project. I was worried about the same thing happening, but I felt I had to tell her. She said she was involved with someone else, but we actually were closer after that. We went places together and did called each other every night.

It really depends on the person.

[dean]

>>>>>>Then somewhere remind her that at the bbq someone slipped some vodka in her drink and she signed a contract tha she promised to marry you when she was 30 if neither of you were with anyone. heh, that'll win her

Fell for that line did ya Susan?  :-P

Anywho, keep us posted Dave; after all, since you brought it up we must see it through to the bloody end, so get cracking!

[daveblackeye15]

I will I will, I said I would. Maybe I'll take her to see High Tension some time :)

[h.p. Love]

Susan wrote:

> Also it is important if she talks about guys and
> relationships with you, that is really how a girl opens herself
> up to a guy. I don't mean the man bashing chit chat but the "oh
> i wish I could find a guy who....." convo. If you can get into
> that then you can slip in the "well you can just forget all
> those guys and take a chance with me" line in a joking way and
> see her reaction.  

A ha! Points for me for getting this one right. That's right, I'm the ladies man. (Raises cavassea (sp?) in air.)

1. Does she talk to you about other guys, as in does she tell you who she likes and why? Or is it more like she tells you what she doesn't like? Which one are you like? (I admit I'm still not sure which one is best in every situation.) It is usually better to hear what she likes, which can be a subtle hint.

[daveblackeye15]

She has told me a few times about her ex boy friend now friend. I did once ask her a few days ago if she had a boyfriend and she talked a little about them ("no") I guess it's sort of in between likes and doesn't like.

[h.p. Love]

Before I write another word I'm going to refer you back to Susan.

[daveblackeye15]

Uhh.Sure. Were your kidding or do you think you did something wrong?

[Wence]

daveblacke15,
I am not that involved in this discussion but you wrote that you want to ask this girl directly or that you want to tell her your feelings.
Ok,you will get a straight answer but I don´t think this is a good idea, since this will make up the "frontlines" between you and her - does she really like you (all right) or does she just like you in way you don´t want to be liked by her.
What I mean is that sometimes it´s better not to talk about that and to wait for a moment for a gesture like holding hands, a good-by-kiss etc.
A surprising kiss after a cool afternoon with her is much better. Still you have the chance to say "hey, that was a joke" or so...  
Or dancing with the girl that´s the best to find out what she feels for you. The closer you´ll dance with her, the better your chances.

[h.p. Love]

daveblackeye15 wrote:

> Uhh.Sure. Were your kidding or do you think you did something
> wrong?
>


Nah, I just meant that all us guys chirped up and said it all and then Susan capped it off with the needed womanly side of things. All of it being good.  

I never thought about women always being asked out by friends. Sounds like a real "problem".