KING COBRA ! Sci-Fi Ch. strikes agine!

Well, with out ferther a doo-doo....let yer ol buddy Flangepart take a stab at this tender vittle from last Saturday nights line up.
( ahem)....
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KING COBRA. Hill and Brand Productions. Year u/k. Color.
Plot? : Another entry in the Giant Geneticly Mutated Beastie Brigade. This time-Snake.
Stars? : Pat Morita - Scott Brandon - Kasey Fallo - Joseph Huskin - Special Appreances by Erik Estrada and Hoyt Axton.
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And now....Flangeparts Essay on Cinema Mathamatics.
Film opening equasion :: Secret Lab + Drug shooting lab tech with computer hacking skills + Unauthorised chemical experiment + Lab go BOOM = Escaped mutated snake thingy.

Main titles + "Snake cam" + first fake scare + child endangered by snake cam = first victem + character intros dureing town celebrations of local "Oktoberfest" = set up.
Fractions :
First human death eq :: Run down shack with rural old man type + "Here corky! Corky you old dog!' + empty dog collar + snake cam = one less old codger.
Fraction : Cop - <"Well, he's pretty dead.">
30 foot snake skin + "Well, i guess we're not gonna find corky" + "Dream snake" = a lady deputy you do NOT want to Burgle.

Fraction : Erik Estrada - Fey, Gay, and happy that way. Does beer promotions.

Drunk teens in woods + snake cam + next regulary scedualed false scare = Two large piles of snake poo.
Fraction :

Plot addition = Pat Morita! Master of the Snake style of science.
Snake in basment of hero"s father = one less dad.
Fraction : < OFFICAL SPRING LOADED CAT! >
The arming of the rednecks = future snake fodder.
Fraction :< Pat Morita asks actual intelligent question : "why would anyone want to combine two of the most dangerious snakes ever?" >
Fraction : < Pat Morita aka Mr Miyagi = The tao of snake . "A gun is not the way to go. At best its only a back up".> + < "I'm Japanese Japanese were not built to run, we were built to last." >
Law of expendable characters ::: Rednecks + guns + giant killer mutant snake = large amounts of beer soaked snake poo.

Monster survival law :: Duleing egos = one P.O.'ed giant snake that might have been dead but for human bickering.
Fraction :: < Miyagi- giant snake fighting samauri! >
Ending of film equasion :: Miyagi fails at tao of snake + 30 foot snake capasity snake trailer + running hero persued by snake + sleeping gas for snake = Ronco's new snake in a can!

Law of sequal creation :: Failure to close fang holes in snake can = Sequal!
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Man....what a cheese fest! Hoyt Axton gets to do the "We can't close the beer hall pustch now! It too important to the towns future!" line. And the snake shows up only when the subject can't be avoided. Loooow budget for CGI!
Acting is okey, but its sure ain't shakespear. Not that i expected it, but i sure missed Jole/mike and the bots....
Flangepart says : Its a good MST trainer for younfg Mistys. Break 'em in easy.
Well, thats my math lession for now.
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Back to you, Andrew!

Post Edited (07-11-05 18:32)