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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  Secret Agent Double Odinn7 « previous next »
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Author Topic: Secret Agent Double Odinn7  (Read 4988 times)
Menard
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« on: August 06, 2005, 01:25:16 AM »

Has someone been absent from the board?

Has someone tried to quietly take time off from the board without mentioning the word 'vacation'?

Naw, of course Odinn7 would not do that. He would not want to miss his tribute; now would he?



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In times of peril.

In times of despair.

When the call goes out for a hero....


I'm sorry. I digress. This is a story about Odinn7, Double Odinn7.



The distinct sounds of poker chips being fiddled about by nervous hands was joined in chorus with that of a playing card being whisked from the deck by an ever so deft dealer. Two attractive women at the game table, one blond and one brunette, were fervently drawn into the game at hand, when, the blond caught just a glimpse of a man walking across the casino in their direction.

Their attention was magnetically drawn to him. It was like a hynotic force which they could not break as they watched this debonaire, strikingly handsome man in a tuxedo walking with a gait of confidence in their direction. They stared intently into the determined look within his ever so inviting eyes. The slight wave of his hair perfectly set off the handsomely chiseled features of his face. They slumped in resignation within their seats as he stood before them. His lips slowly parted bringing a quivering anticipation to each of them, as he spoke.

" Pardon me, but can you tell where I can find Double Odinn7?"

The ladies seemed confused as they shrugged their shoulders...when...suddenly...a booming manly voice was heard.

" Will the owner of a teal 4-door Volvo please turn off your headlights."

This was immediately followed by a shreiking voice which could only be described as Gilbert Gottfried in drag.

" I am Double OOOO....."

The sudden cessation of vocabulary did not seem to confuse the ladies as much as the crashing and breaking sounds which immediately followed the voice. The sight of waiters tripping and losing their trays, while people were falling over tables did not phase them as much as their gentleman caller being hit in the head by one of the flying trays, knocking him unconscious and leaving him laying upon the table in front of them.

The ladies then spied a figure across the room, standing from behind an overturned buffet table, desperately trying to remove a pie tin from his face. Another man came running to the table where they sat, turning their gentleman friend over to get a look at his face.

" You have done it Double Odinn7!", exclaimed the man, " You have captured Quickie Quixley!"

" EWWWW....", said the ladies, " Quickie?"

" Was somebody calling to me?", replied Double Odinn7



In reality, the blond and brunette are spies sent to infiltrate the organization; and to specifically target Double Odinn7. The brunette is a jobber who goes by the name of Handi, while the blond is a legendary seductress known as Sophia 'Sof' Spot. Their objective is to gain the trust of the agency and work from within.



In sensing the potential volatility of the present situation, the Chief has Double Odinn7 to escort the ladies out of the casino, being that Quixley's henchmen could already be planted within the casino itself. Double Odinn7 wastes no time in hurrying the ladies along at a running pace toward the exit doors. Handi exits through door number 1; Sof exits through door number 2; the ladies hear a strange 'thud' sound from door number 3.

From behind door number 3, the ladies hear Double Odinn7 exclaim, " Oh God, my face hurts!" [I will pause for just a moment while everybody is busy making jokes like ' it must be hurting because it's killing me'.]



Through the back alleys they ran. Double Odinn7 darted left to right, right to left, through each alley they ran exhibiting the gracefulness of...of...well...of a pigeon in heat.

" Where are we going?", quizzed Handi as they ran out onto a public sidewalk.

" Ooo...my hair!", exclaimed Sof as they passed a glass storefront.

" Son of a....", abruptly proclaimed Double Odinn7 as he discovered that not so well hidden telephone pole.



" And we have on our right ", proclaimed the tour bus guide, " the Center for Applied Rationale in the Development of Sanitary Disposal; which is really just a front for the spy academy."

" And if you look to your left", continued the tour guide, " you will see two attractive ladies slapping some guy lying on the ground."



Through the secret entrance of the spy academy (so noted because it has a sign on the door which reads 'Secret Entrance') came Handi, followed by Sof, followed by a girl scout selling cookies, followed by a clown, followed by a guy in a rodeo outfit, followed by someone who looks like Richard Nixon in drag, followed by a plumber, and finally Double Odinn7 comes through.....okay, staggers through.



Leaving the ladies in the break room, where they can have a choice of coffee, tea, espresso, cola, diet cola, uncola, champagne, or martinis (which they did not care for as tonights events left them shaken, but not stirred); Double Odinn7 took his leave of them, momentarily, to pay a visit to their resident chemical and electronics expert, Pee.

Double Odinn7 entered the lab to find Pee working at a table with a flexible clay like substance.

" What does that do?", inquired Double Odinn7.

" Watch this.", replied Pee, as he flattened the ball of claylike substance and proceeded to place it upon a newspaper comic strip. He then removed the substance and showed Double Odinn7 that it has copied the comic frame. He then wadded it into a ball, kneeded it with his hands, and proceeded to form it into a doggie.

" Couldn't you have just told me that it was Play-Doh?" quipped Double Odinn7.

" Naw; that would not have been as much fun.", replied Pee.

Pee proceeded to open a drawer and removed what appeared to be a miniature cue ball and a miniature 8-ball.

" I have color coded these", said Pee, " as to prevent you from getting them mixed up."

Pee thought to himself, " As though I could ever prevent that." , and then wondered about the expression on Double Odinn7's face. He then realized that he had said that out loud.

" Uhm, anyway," continued Pee, " the 8-ball is a knockout gas. You just throw it, or crush it in any manner you choose, and it will fill a 1000 suare foot room with enough gas to knockout everybody in that room."

" And the white ball?", inquired Double Odinn7.

" And what?", replied Pee, " Did you think that I was going to keep it a secret?"

Double Odinn7 had a sheepishly embarassed look on his face.

" The cue ball", continued Pee, " contains a gas which causes people to lose there memory for 24 hours."

" The cue ball", continued Pee, " contains a gas which causes people to lose their memory for 24 hours."

" The cue ball..."

" Oh shut-up!", barked Double Odinn7 as he took the balls from Pee " You have been working around your projects a little too closely."



Double Odinn7 went to meet up again with Handi and Sof. He had approached Handi in the waiting room reading a copy of 'Soldier of Fortune' magazine.

" Where's Sof?", inquired Double Odinn7.

" She had to take a powder."

" Oh, she's in the ladies room."

" No. She went to take a headache powder."

Realizing that he was still holding the cue ball and 8-ball, but had no place to put them at the moment, as his tux did not have any open pockets, Double Odinn7 asked Handi, " Could you hold my balls?".



Sof, upon returning from taking a powder, discovered Double Odinn7 standing in the waiting area with a stunned look on his face. She thought that it was even more odd that he had a red mark on his face, which was oddly in the shape of a hand.

Double Odinn7, not having figured out that the pockets on his trousers were just sewn shut, slipped the 8-ball down the back of his pants and just continued to hold the cue ball.



The Chief called Double Odinn7 into his office and explained to him that Quixley's henchmen were on the prowl for him and the ladies. To add to the plot, it was also believed that there was a witness to Quixley's operation, and this witness could give them the information they needed to thwart a plan that Quixley had in motion that would devastate the world economy. They has less than 24 hours to find this witness and stop Quixley's plan.

" Not to worry Chief," said Double Odinn7, " Double Odinn7 is on the case."

The Chief rolled his eyes up in his head and reached for a bottle of Maalox, which he proceeded to pour into a coffee mug.



Double Odinn7 and the ladies proceeded on their way to find the witness, as he had her name, Mida Finga, and picture. Double Odinn7 came up with what he thought was a brilliant idea to show her picture around and see if anybody has seen her.

" Pardon me," Double Odinn7 would say as he approached someone, " have you seen this lady, named Mida Finga, who is a witness who can thwart Quickie Quixley's plans to dominate the world economy?"

After several inquiries, odd looks, and some people giving him their interpretation of Mida Finga, Double Odinn7 was feeling as though he was at a crossroads. The car swerving to miss him, standing in the middle of the intersection, while the driver screamed " You @#%$&#@ idiot", only seemed to confirm this suspicion.

It was then that he heard someone say, " Psst...over here bud."

As Double Odinn7 turned to look, he saw a shoeshine guy standing on the sidewalk. Double Odinn7 approached the guy as he heard, " You lookin' for Mida Finga?"

" Yes I aaaaa.......", said Double Odinn7 as he forgot to lift his foot stepping onto the sidewalk.

Helping Double Odinn7 to his feet, the shoeshine guy said, " Go to the busway and look for the departure ramp where you'll find a bus with Charlotte on it."

" What's a busway?", asked Double Odinn7

" It depends on how many passengers are on it.", replied the shoeshine guy.



Double Odinn7 and the ladies show up at the bus station to check out their lead. Double Odinn7 checks out the different exits and finds only one bus available. They approach the bus and Double Odinn7 tells the driver, Charlotte, that he is looking for a Mida Finger. She obliges him.

" No.", Replies Double Odinn7, " That's not what I meant. I am looking for a lady named Mida Finga."

" Oh", says Charlotte as she points to a set of double doors.

Double Odinn7, Handi, and Sof cautiously approach the doors only to hear someone demanding to be told the information they need to know. Double Odinn7 and Handi go back into the bus station to approach the room from a different entrance.

They find a long hallway where they hear several people talking. They are about to walk down the hallway when they hear, " Buy a flower for the lord?". They turn to see a guy dressed like Jesus with a peaceful look upon his face.

" No thanks.", says Double Odinn7

Jesus then grabs him by the collar and says, " Buy the damn flower!"

Handi, while trying to help Double Odinn7 break free from the Jesus grip, notices several ninjas coming down the hallway toward them. She tries even harder to help break the grip.

Double Odinn7 breaks free from the grip and falls to the floor, landing on his backside, when he hears a strange cracking sound [stop making up your own jokes]. He screams, " The 8-ball!", and falls to a position on his hands and knees while a 100 foot stream of gas shoots out of his butt and down the hallway.

While Jesus is running out of the bus station screaming, "Demon!", the gas clears to reveal several unconscious bodies laying in the hallway. Double Odinn7 and Handi walk down the hallway to a door at the end, through which they find Mida Finga tied to a chair while Sof is standing just outside the double doors talking to this guy dressed in a nazi uniform, holding a whip, saying, " Do you come here often?".



The Chief is standing outside the bus station as he sees Double Odinn7, Handi, Sof, and Mida walk out of the station.

" You have, amazingly, done it again Double Odinn7!", says the Chief, " I would also like to thank Handi and Sof for their invaluable assistance and hope that they will consider working with the agency."

The Chief then reaches out his hand to Double Odinn7 and says, " I would like to shake your hand."

As Double Odinn7 reaches out to shake the Chief's hand, the cue ball falls out of his hand, rolls out into the street, and is run over by a passing car.

From a cloud of gas, you can hear, " Who am I?"



The End




Be sure to check out the further adventures of Double Odinn7

In his latest adventure, he goes undercover as a proctologist in 'The Spy Who Gloved Me'



Feel free to add to the adventures of Double Odinn7 if you like. Suggest new plots or titles. How about villian names? Anything you wish to add.



Post Edited (08-06-05 11:08)
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trekgeezer
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We're all just victims of circumstance


« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2005, 07:18:26 AM »

What, no pictures?

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And you thought Trek isn't cool.
ulthar
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I AM serious, and stop calling me Shirley


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« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2005, 08:48:35 AM »

LOL!!!

I think we should use this as a basis for our own short film.

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Professor Hathaway:  I noticed you stopped stuttering.
Bodie:      I've been giving myself shock treatments.
Professor Hathaway: Up the voltage.

--Real Genius
Menard
Guest
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2005, 10:27:05 AM »

trek_geezer wrote:

> What, no pictures?


You really want to see pictures of him?

Ewwww, yuck.

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dean
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« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2005, 01:49:59 PM »


Hehe, funny and obviously the work of someone with too much time on their hands!

 >>>it must be hurting because it's killing me

I had quite a nice chuckle because of that.

Possible titles for the new adventures of Double Odinn7:

-Dr [please] No

Closely linked to the proctology department of 'the spy who gloved me'

-From the accounting department with love

A tale of intrigue and office politics when somebody's stapler goes missing.  Double Odinn7 is on the case.

-License to Bill

Follow Double Odinn7's brief stint as failing lawyer whose legal license is revoked after a series of what the courts could only label as 'gross negligence on a global scale'

-Browneye

A young Odinn7 fresh out of the academy, celebrating his graduation whilst suffering severe drunkeness from the lemon lime and bitters he had at the local milk bar.

-Never say 'shellfish' again

Double Odinn7's health is in jeapordy after a nasty seafood buffet whilst on mission in Las Vegas.

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odinn7
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« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2005, 02:09:50 PM »

Oh, don't get so excited people, I'm still here. Nice story Menard, that must've taken quite some time to write.
Now, my Dave impersonation:
I got a sword and I'm coming for you Menard!

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You're not the Devil...You're practice.
Menard
Guest
« Reply #6 on: August 06, 2005, 02:22:10 PM »

odinn7 wrote:

> I got a sword and I'm coming for you Menard!


Ewwww.....that's getting excited in the wrong way. (:

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Menard
Guest
« Reply #7 on: August 06, 2005, 02:56:30 PM »

Catch the latest in the thrilling (aaa....yawn) adventures of Double Odinn7 as he infiltrates a nudist colony while tracking the notorious villianess, Opin Fobiznis, in the adventure story 'Moonmaker'.


The critics have spoken:


" It's way up for this one!"
--Roger Ebert

" Stan the man is in the mood!"
--Stanley Roper

" Who the hell is Stanley Roper?"
--Richard Roeper


*The names of the above critics and fictional character are used in a satirical context and are not actually statements by any of them, real or fictional.

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odinn7
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« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2005, 09:09:19 AM »

OK, seriously....You caught me.
I was on vacation and I did try to sneak it past you. I am flattered, however, that you took all that time to write such a nice and moving story about me. This must have been in planning for weeks and you probably needed to work on it daily with the hopes that you would catch me and then be able to paste it in all its glory for everyone to see.
Good job and I am happy to see that I mean so much to you that you would devote that kind of time to little old me.

Now, so all is not wasted, allow me to help out with some movie titles:

License To Swill- Our beloved agent DO7 receives his license to sit at bars and get faced.

Odinnp***y- DO7 gets beat up by the cool kids in school.

Die and Let Die- DO7 is angry...angry enough that he contacts the evil Dr. Daveblackeye and they conspire against Menard. Lots of sword play in this one.

On Her Majesty- Odinn7 gets busy with the Queen who just happens to be Kate Beckinsale.

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You're not the Devil...You're practice.
Menard
Guest
« Reply #9 on: August 08, 2005, 09:37:40 AM »

Well, it actually took less than 2 days to write it. I had done the majority of it in one day, but had not finished it until I noticed that you had not been on the board for a while.

Funny movie suggestions (:

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dean
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« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2005, 04:23:44 AM »


Hmmm... attempting to think of others...

Thundering Balls: Double Odinn7's adventures results in a mix up via mistaken identity, leading our protaganist into a lethal battle with the pornography industry tycoon 'Paulie Longjohnson', and a secret rendevous with it's current queen, 'Tipsy N. Promiscuous.'

The Spy who loved himself: The adventures of Double Odinn7 on his ultra top secret mission, 'Quiet Lonely Night'

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Flangepart
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« Reply #11 on: August 09, 2005, 09:20:51 AM »

Sir!
You are a sick, sick man in need of deep mental health work....i LIKE that about you!
Keep up the strange  twisted work, ya sick freak!

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"Aggressivlly eccentric, and proud of it!"
Menard
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« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2005, 08:26:12 AM »

Catch the all new Double Odinn7 adventure, Odinns are Forever, where an evil mastermind is at work to thwart the world's spy agencies by cloning Double Odinn7 and placing one in each of the agencies. Chaos ensues as accident and insurance rates skyrocket.

With lines like "Who the hell would want to clone that numbnuts", you know you have a winner.

The soundtrack includes an all new mix of the classic hit Send in the Clones

Thrilling action, witty dialogue, and brilliant direction are all descriptions a well known movie critic used to describe another movie.


The critics have spoken:


" Two hot dogs, a large popcorn, a large cola, and a box of Juji Fruits please."
Roger Ebert


" I give it a big Stanley hammer."
Stanley Roper


" Why does a character from 'Three's Company' get higher billing than me?"
Richard Roeper


" Ouch! Now that looks painful!"
Tim Allen



Odinns are Forever

Soon to be in a quarter booth near you!



*any statements attributed to people, real or fictional, are entirely used for satirical purposes only and are not actual statements by said entities.

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Menard
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I Am Vitriol...When You Say My Name You Praise Me


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« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2010, 09:01:40 PM »

Dang; looking at the date of this post...has it really been over 5 years ago?

You can never keep a good secret agent down; and you can't keep Double Odinn7 down either.

Quite a few people have come along since this was originally published on this forum; some have even included Double Odinn7 as a character in one continuing story thread.

I thought it would be entertaining to recycle this (I'm certain Odinn7 never tires of this  TeddyR ).
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