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October 20, 2014, 05:08:17 AM
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Author Topic: WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 BAD MOVIES  (Read 1747 times)
LilCerberus
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« Reply #15 on: October 13, 2005, 01:43:51 AM »

Just for fun, I though I'd come back & share my unwatchable "bottom" 5.

The Return of Captain Invincible (1983) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086189/
A rather unenthusiastic looking musical/comedy from Down Under, full of lousy jokes built around four letter words and poorly timed, uninspired musical numbers. Alan Arkin stars in the title role as a washed-up former superhero turned homeless alcoholic who's forced to come out of retirement when the president asks him to make good on a promise he made thirty years earlier. Christopher Lee, as always, really shines out as the evil Mr. Midnight, but ultimately his talents are wasted

The Wizard of Mars (1965) (aka Alien Massacre) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059920/
When their spaceship crashes, four astronauts wonder around in the Martian deserts for a couple of hours. Way, way, way more walking scenes than WOTW

Two Lane BlackTop (1971) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067893/
Two hippies in a suped up ’57 Chevy roam across the US while making their living off illegal drag races. Supposedly the seventies’ response to Easy Rider, this movie starts out as a rather pathetic study of bragging rights, only to descend into a study of whining and complaining. The sad and annoying result is that each of the characters are constantly chomping at the bit when they really don’t have anything to say

Sky Captain-. Sure, any given frame makes for a really cool desktop wallpaper, which is why I’m still surprised at just how disappointed I was. The action sequences are fleeting, few and far between, anything resembling character development comes about via way too many insider jokes, and I really found that grayish looking tone incredibly depressing. And as many have said, it could have been a little shorter with a little more emphasis on story.

A Certain Sacrifice (1985) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088896/
Whatever plot there is is completely inane, the directing is nonexistant, and all of the characters are incredibly irritating. For a lousy sixty minute movie, it really felt like five hours.

And of course, anything Larry Buchanan made for AIP

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dean
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« Reply #16 on: October 13, 2005, 07:33:54 AM »


lilcerberus wrote:
> Sky Captain-.
>And as many have said, it could have been a little shorter with a little more
> emphasis on story.

I watched this a while ago with my girlfriend, and she said to me after about 30 minutes: 'what is going on?' merely because there was no plot that anyone could figure out...

Once it got rolling it wasn't too bad, I did appreciate what they were trying to do, but still, what a dissappointment...

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clockworkcanary
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« Reply #17 on: October 13, 2005, 08:59:25 AM »

So many bad movies to choose from...I'll just list 5 cheese-slingin movies I've recently seen or added to my collection (I just love when video rental places sell all their VHS for a $1 a piece).

The Black Hole
Robots with telepathy (when the plot demands it), the ridiculous heaven/hell parallel that really didn't make sense, and let's not forget V.I.N.cent's goofy eyes and even goofier victory "spin."  Let's not forget Maximillion's special "attack" appendage from between his legs.

Santa with Muscles
Hulk Hogan plays an egotistical rich guy (that's really reaching for him ay?) who endures the amnesia angle (ugg) and tries to save some orphans.  Never made it all the way through this movie but will try again for the 3rd time very soon.  Be on the look out for two pre-"That 70s Show" characters.

Batman and Robin
Not the worst movie in the world but I take it rather personally being such a Batman fanboy.  If you want to see classic characters completely raped by Joel Shumaker just refer to the following characters in this movie: Bane, Mr.Freeze, Poison Ivy, Batgirl, Batman...hell every single one of them.  Heck the only character on par was Robin (I mean, how can you make Robin any cheesier I don't know).  Joel - Mr. Freeze never ever jokes mmmkay.

Gigli (not part of my library but a friend foolishly bought it w/o watching it first)
Where to start, where to start ...mob bosses talking at length about criminal activity in broad daylight in the busy street, Ben's partial Italian accent, any of the dialog, J-Blow as a Zen-master hit-woman, the painful discussion about sexuality and sexual organs, and the attempted rainman singing songs more than a decade old.

oh the pain...

Dungeons and Dragons the Movie
Did these writers look at any of the source material at all?  Glad they made D&D look even geekier to the masses.  Funniest stuff: blue lipstick on one of the bad guys, the not-very dwarven dwarf, supposed thieves who make a lot of racket.



Post Edited (10-13-05 09:59)
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SaintMort
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« Reply #18 on: October 13, 2005, 11:38:25 AM »

Another great on is lost skeleton of cadavera
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LilCerberus
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« Reply #19 on: October 13, 2005, 01:00:17 PM »

Funny thing, but right after I posted my Bottom Five, I read a review of Sky Captain over at Eccentric Cinema.
According to the guys over there, Sky Captain is an homage to those old serials of the '30s & '40s, and as such, you're not supposed to watch the whole thing at once, but rather you're supposed to watch it in small doses of about 20 or 30 minutes a day over a span of several days.

(Sigh) Well, I'll try it again.
After all, it's still not quite as bad as Larry Buchanan's "It's Alive!"

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Mr. Hockstatter
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« Reply #20 on: October 13, 2005, 01:58:26 PM »

Top five:

1)  Sorority House Massacre II:  Nighty Nightmare.  The epitome of the slasher genre - great atmosphere, likable characters, cheesy as cheesy can be, and more boobies than the whole Friday the 13th franchise.  Must be watched while drinking heavily.

2)  Slumber Party Massacre.  Same as above.

3)  Jason X.  Good characters, good action, high cheese factor, and spaceships!  Who could ask for more.

4)  LEXX 1.0:  I Worship His Shadow.  A bumbling security guard, a smokin' hot love slave, an assassin who's been dead for 2,000 years, and a robot head.  And they're in control of the LEXX, the most powerful destructive force in the two universes.  Just a fabulously creative movie.  

5)  Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity.  Loved these characters, and good atmosphere too.  And they're from BEYOND infinity - do you have any idea how far away that is?!?

Bottom 5:

1)  Witchouse 2, Blood Coven.  The absolute worst thing that could happen if a talentless hack ripped off the handheld camcorder gimmick from Blair Witch.  This was so bad I actually went to the trouble of putting it in a box and sending it back to Amazon.com.

2)  The Opponent.  Imagine buying a DVD with a sexy picture of Erika Eleniak  on the cover, with the promise of babe vs. babe boxing inside, then getting a Lifetime Movie of the Week instead.  Just a tad disappointing.

3)  The Wickeds.  Quasi-comedic zombie movie where the characters spend the entire last half of the movie screaming at each other.  How enjoyable.  Filmed by someone who was falling down drunk.

4)   Graduation Day.  Troma slasher about some horribly unlikable people walking around being horribly unlikable.

5)  Wild Things 2.  I loved the first movie, it was very clever, stylish, and steamy.    The second one was like watching trained chimps doing a remake of it.

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Zapranoth
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« Reply #21 on: October 13, 2005, 10:03:22 PM »

Oh, my.  This is a tough one.  Here's my list:

1.   Dark Star, the Spaced Out Spaceship.  This is well-known to most of us -- it's so horrifically bad that it rolls over into watchably funny.  Alien made out of a beachball, gets shot by a tranquilizer dart and pops.  A crew member argues with a planetbuster nuke.  What more could you want?    And let's not forget that theme song, "Benson, Arizona!"      "Let's get some music in here, Boiler."  "Suuure thang!"

2.  Howling II.  My gawd.  It has Sybill Danning and Christopher Reeve in it.  Again, what more do I need to say?   Remember the end credits?    ("howl!"  *rip!*  "howl!"  *rip!*  "howl!"  *rip rip!*)
(For the uninitiated, that was the sound of the end credits' music playing while a clip of Sybill repeatedly ripping off her own top is played about seventeen times.)

3.  Dune.   Yeah, the Dino de Laurentis version, baby.  Bad, bad, bad.   A horrific butchery of a great SF classic, chock full of cheesy and badly-delivered one-liners.   "I WILL KILL HIM!!!!!"   "The tooth.... remember the tooth!"   and my favorite, "Put the pick in, Pete, and spin it round, real neat."     And the movie is full of face closeups and internal dialogue, and is incredibly slow-paced.  Awesomely bad.

4.  Cave Dwellers.  What a rotter of a movie.  This one was so pathetically bad that my wife even enjoyed watching it, TWICE, with me.   My favorite line, from the MST3k version:  while Ator is swinging around on his made-from-deerskins hang glider, Servo says, "Oh, yeah, you're gonna be my regular Saturday  night thing."

which is a nod to

5.   Roadhouse.   Pure cheese.  You have the obligatory Swayze ass shot.  You have "All My Exes Live in Texas."  You have the timeless, transcendently bad line, "Pain don't hurt," and several minor constellations of other bad one-liners that would shine as their own novas in other, not as bad films.
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dean
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« Reply #22 on: October 14, 2005, 01:51:47 AM »


Mr Hockstatter Wrote:

>>Wild Things 2. I loved the first movie, it was very clever, stylish, and steamy. The second one was like watching trained chimps doing a remake of it.

The exact same thing can be said for the Skulls 2 and Cruel Intentions 2 and 3 [especially CI2...]

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« Reply #23 on: October 14, 2005, 02:36:30 AM »

I must admit my knowledge of obscure movies falls far behind that of many on the forum. My excuses if the choices seem obvious, but here goes, in no particular order

Freaks: The most unsettling film I've ever watched

Tremors: A classic monster feature. Possibly the monster movie with the tightest plot ever

Bubba Ho-Tep: Bruce Campbell is the King in a retirement home. He should get an oscar for this

Bad Taste: The vomit scene!!

Big Trouble in Little China: Kurt Russell, Ancient Chinese Magic and Kim Cattrall in her prime!
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« Reply #24 on: October 14, 2005, 04:18:23 PM »

Ator the Fighting Eagle -  Miles O'Keefe should have given up after playing Tarzan opposite Bo Derek as Jane.  The plot is thinner than sweat and there is absolutely nothign to conenct one segment to another.  It could be made of pieces of several different movies spliced together, for all I know.

The Terror - Filmed after the Raven was complete because the director still had some time left on the set, this is a movie any true Jack Nicholson fan denies the existance of.

Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in The Hood - the only movie I have ever turned off after less than 20 minutes and proof that the Wayans brothers deserve nothing short of death by slow torture.

Dungeons & Dragons:  The Movie - Jeremy Irons was so hungry that he had to chew on the scenery in addition to making this movie which featured acting that would have been boo'd off the stage during a grade school play.  On a positive note, one of the Wayans brothers gets killed in in by a man with blue lips and red ears.

Highlander II:  The Quickening/Highlander: Endgame  - I'm not sure which was worse, making them aliens or putting that much pancake make-up on Christopher Lambert.  Only the villians make these movies remotely watchable.



Post Edited (10-14-05 16:20)
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Squeakmiester 3000
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« Reply #25 on: October 15, 2005, 11:57:04 PM »

Robot Monster: argueably my favorite movie. love the Ro-Man

Star-Wars Holiday Special: the ad's are really what make this, and though the movie has the side effect of hating wookies forever, i still love it.

Dino-Riders: Cheesy 80's toy promotion movie that i simmply adore.

Starchaser: the Legend of Orin: has both good old fashoined awsomeness and so-bad it's good awsomeness wrapped up in a movie that's a little disturbing to be a childrens movie.

Santa Claus: Santa Clause, satan, random sci-fi elements, and apparently large amounts of psychidelics all wrapped up in a movie thats WAY too disturbing to be a childrens movie.

and there you have it. Tetsuo is my favorite movie in a different catagory, seeing as i don't really consider it to be bad.

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