OT: Restraining Orders

[Susan]

ok i said i'd stop with the OT threads but something happened today at work. One of my coworkers left her ex and he doesn't know where she lives now and so he calls her constantly - i mean like all day when he has a day off and leaving text messages and such. She even had to hire a swat guy to escort her to their house so she could get all her stuff that he wouldn't let her have when the police were called out there and basically did nothing.

Anyhow, my office has several entrance doors which are locked from the outside and you can only gain access with a key, except for the receptionists office. I was going out one of these doors and her ex, who I didn't recognize so much as had this gut feeling it was him came sprinting toward me. He looked really crazy and agitated (just an hour prior she yelled at him on the phone to leave her alone or she'd call the cops and to stop harassing her. He left a txt message that said "we'll take care of him" and she didn't know what that meant)

Anyhow I stood there and waited for the door to close and said "I dunno" after he asked me if she was in there. I hurridly walked to the receptionist office and saw him lingering by the door i came out of and then he quickly followed after me. When I got back in the office i ran full speed around to warn everyone in our area he was trying to get in. He gave a fake name to the receptionist who got scared after recognizing him (second time up there) and she called security. He was standing around our doors at work and he even knocked on the one in my work area where this girl also works (she sits in the cube across from me so if he comes in shooting i'm screwed) and someone told him to get out. He yelled at another coworker who came out and pretended they didn't know this girl...it came to the poitn where we were concerned he was going to try to get in..all he'd have to do is stand by the door when someone came out and just run in..The doors are wood so we can't see who's behind them.  He is the owner of a gun ...so that is one reason for concern. Hopefuly he's just a loser who can't get over her and he never comes back to the office again...

but, what is involved in her filing a restraining order? Is there a cost and how effective is one anyhow? Can anyone get one or do you have to offer evidence of harassment?  I heard they aren't anything but a legality on paper..the police really seem indifferent. When they came out they just shrugged saying there wasn't anything they could do.  

If work isn't stressful enough now i have to worry about this psycho

[Flangepart]

Man....
I know its no help, but,i'm pullin' for ya, Susan. Becarefull, ya hear?

[Shadowphile]

Restraining orders are fairly easy to get.  Unfortunately they are equally easy to ignore. Have your coworker look into having him charged as a stalker.  If he's pulling this where she works, that is stalking.  The fact that he is scaring coworkers is important.  Likely you can get the company to file a restraining order as well, to keep him off the property.

[ThadC]

Shadowphile has the right idea, but I think the restraining order has to be violated first before someone can be classified as a stalker. I might be wrong. She needs to talk to the police, a lawyer, and maybe even hire a guy to scare the hell out of him. Thats last case though. NOT LEGAL

[Susan]

We're trying to convince her to do this, she's not taking it as seriously as we are I think, she finds it more to be a nuisance while the rest of us feel it more as a threat. Because she is young and not seasoned enough in life epxeriences and relationships, she apparently has no idea how psycho people can get after a breakup. Given he doesn't know where she lives, our office is the only physical connection he has to get in touch with her.  Our company may be more likely to fire her than to get a restraining order on him. They did that with a temp awhile back ago and many companies will let employees go if they feel that coworkers are being put at risk for your domestic problems.

Doesn't that suck? That it's bad enough a woman can be a victim like this but be punished for it as well. I don't think she realizes the ramifications or wants to hear them from us, we keep telling her to change her number but she's so slow to listen. That frustrates the rest of us who know better, and that things can quickly escalate. I recently had a medical problem last week and my doctor said it was triggered by stress, i'm in constant pain and am supposed to avoid stress so this kinda p**ses me off. On top of that i got a serial rapist /robber with a shotgun breaking into apartments in my area, including the ones across the street from mine. ;-/

I'll try and talk her into the restraining order, if anything it may help in getting him to stop and give up if he knows it could land him in jail. I was just curious if it's something that's even effective, doesn't seem like the law really has much set aside for these type of situations.

[Menard]

A restraining order basically adds another charge to anything he does to her and it gives the police the ability to arrest him in the event he is harassing her, like at work. Where they may only be able to tell him to go away without one, with a restraining order he can be arrested for violating it if he approaches her, depending on locality and whether or not the officers actually give a damn.

There is also a higher level of restraining order, something like an E.P.O., which can result in more sever consequences against the perpetrator.

It could vary by locality, but you usually file for a restraining order at your local courthouse. I can't remember if it is district or circuit court. There could be a fee involved.

Any police records and/or affidavits that can be acquired will benefit the petitioner.

Check this out for more info: H.R.O.

[Susan]

Thanks for that menard, i'll check out the link and find out more here.
I do hate to say it but Dallas officers are really indifferent. I had a friend involved in a car accident who called the police and when they showed up they said "What the hell do you want US to do?"  I'm lucky the county i live in the cops care just a little bit more (I mean the crime unit was actually called to dust my car for prints after it was broken into..lol)

[trekgeezer]

Sadly, restraining orders aren't worth the paper they are written on. The Supreme Court ruled last year that the police basically are faultless if a restraining order is not enforced.  If like the Colorado case they heard the state law doesn't make enforcement mandantory the police probably won't respond until something bad has actually happened.

She needs to get the hell out of town and not let anyone know where she's gone.

[mnpchan]

Restraining Orders are only useful once the restrained has broken the order.  So she would have to get one and hope that he breaks it without seriously hurting her and Then she can have him arrested without question.  But therein lies the major flaw of restraining orders, a huge percentage of them being broken is the restrained coming in with lethal intent and at that point the RO isn't going to do anything except tack on a minor offence to the already potential life sentence.

However...If she were to work with your company and have them also set up a restraining order against him, then him even entering the property(parking lot included) is enough for them to haul him off(even if for a short time).  But, again, there's a problem with that too.  If he gets arrested then he's not going to be happy and the only thing worse than a stalker is an angry stalker.

Unfortunatly, the best course of action is like Trek Geezer mentioned...really the only way to get rid of him is for her to vanish.

[Ash]

She needs to go to the gun store, put in the paperwork for the 7 day waiting period and then, once approved, buy a small pocket pistol and a box of ammunition.
A small pistol that she could keep in her carryall or purse would run her around $100 to $150 and it'd be worth it.

Women who are threatened like that should take no chances lest they end up on the evening news and in the obituary column of the newspaper.

If she doesn't want to invest in a gun, at least try to persuade her to get a pocket size can of Mace  or pepper spray to spray in the prick's eyes.
Mace is cheap...she can get a can for around 5-10 dollars that'll fit neatly into her purse.

Since you stated that  you have a psycho prowling your neighborhood Susan, you'd do well to do the same.

Maybe you should get a gun too.

I don't want to hear months from now that you were murdered by a psychopath.
Buy a gun and fill that f**ker full of lead if he comes near!.
Don't hesitate...buy a gun and empty the whole goddamn magazine into him if you're attacked.
Shoot him without hesitation.

Kill him dead'r than a f**kin' door nail!

Buy a gun now!



Post Edited (11-30-05 11:05)

[ThadC]

I have to warn against buying a hand gun. I have been trained to use weapons, and have no problem blowing someones head off, but someone who is not trained will more likely shoot themselves in the foot. If any one does get a weapon, please take a training class, or better yet some kind of self defence class. I had a friend who bought a gun to protect herself from a situation like what Susan has described, ans was actually raped, and then killed with her own gun. Be smart, and be prepared.

[odinn7]

This is quite the situation. If a gun is out of the question (you live in Texas, who there doesn't have a gun?) you may consider one of those stun guns. I hear they are quite effective and, all things considered, not too expensive. Let us know what develops. Also, Susan, I'm sure all of us can appreciate your concern for this girl but you need to look out for yourself. You've tried to get her to listen and she won't. It's too bad but if that's how it is, worry about yourself and stay alert. We don't want anything bad to happen to you.

100,000 volt Stun Gun



Post Edited (11-30-05 08:25)

[peter johnson]

Restraining orders are expensive and useless -- We got one put on my wife's ex twice & he took us to court twice & got them overturned.  We're out over $7000 in legal bills with nothing to show.
If he's on the work property, he can be charged with trespassing.  Have you discussed all this with whoever the boss of bosses is where you work?  They would have to press charges, but this is a genuinely enforceable thing.
Also the gun thing ain't all that bad an idea.  If this guy is as "agitated" as you describe, physical harm is a real possibility.
We own a short-barreled shotgun & have made it widely known that we keep it handy near our front door.  Haven't seen the ex in quite some time.
peter johnson/denny crane

[Zapranoth]

Agree with odinn7.   Weapons are for those who know how to use them... and don't get anything truly dangerous, like a gun, unless you're 100% sure that you would shoot and kill someone to defend yourself.    A stun weapon is not a bad idea; there are some powerful ones made these days.

But like he said, it's your awareness of the situation that is the true weapon.

Also it sounds like your friend has been so used to abusive behavior that it's normal-seeming to her.  You know as well as I do that if she doesn't realize this about herself, she's just going to find someone else like him.  (And drag concerned people like you into more situations like this.)

[Susan]

Well I am concerned for her, but the restraining order idea was not only for her good but ours, because him coming up here in the middle of the day and behaving the way he did is not normal. So that puts everyone else in a bad situation

Btw, i'm not getting a gun.  I couldn't carry it to work anyways but i haven't heard of too many cases where someone being attacked had their live saved by their trusty gun..but i've heard plenty of stories about how the introduction of a weapon in such situations can often result in having it used against you. As for my home situation with the nutball we have roaming around, I've secured my window (the only one someone could gain access) by putting a screw through it so it won't open. I installed an intruder alarm on the door and have thought about buying a lockable doorknob for the bedroom. (I actually got that when i used to have crackhead neighbors)  I feel pretty safe on the second floor and have fairly nosey neighbors. We've had a few breakins in the past couple of years where the guy kicked the door in - looking back i wonder if it's the shotgun guy because the description is the same. Anyhow my hands can be deadly weapons! THey can probably gauge a mans eyes out in 3 seconds flat...

I digress....the coworker doesn't appear to have been in a physicall abusive relationship with him but she did say one reason why she left was that he was too controlling. Someone showing up two weeks in a row on their day off and trying to get in our office bugs me...because there ARE so many incidents where distraught ex's get a gun and decide to lash out. He's having to raise "his" kids alone now and trying to swing the mortgage..you would think someone with kids wouldn't behave that way.

As for home safety (keep bouncing back and forth to that) - what if i just put a sign on the door that says "Beware of scientologist"