Upcoming cheese from the SciFi channel

[trekgeezer]

Painkiller Jane Dec.10 Stars Emmanuel Vaugier & Richard Roundtree - Jane, a young Marine, is exposed to a biochemical weapon that endows her with self-healing powers. She uses her abilities to fight crime while eluding the military.

This is based on a comic and is a backdoor pilot for a possible SciFi channel series.


Shallow Ground Dec. 17 Stars Timothy V. Murphy & Stan Kirsch - A naked teenage boy covered in blood appears at a remote sheriff's station one year after the brutal unsolved murder of a local girl. Now Sheriff Jack Shepherd, guilt ridden over the girl's murder, must confront his own demons as he desperately searches for the boy's true identity and possible victims. Little does Jack realize that he has started down a path that will bring him face to face with an unthinkable horror. Before sunrise the living will pay for the pain the dead have suffered.

This seems to have been out on DVD for a year or so. It has some decent reviews over at IMDB.

Caved In: Prehistoric Terror Jan. 7 Stars Colm Meany & Christopher Atkins - Disguised as extreme adventurers, a group of high profile thieves unknowingly lead a group of wealthy tourists on an expedition through an abandoned salt mine that is guarded by ancient creatures.

Sounds like a big bug in the cave movie.

H.G. Wells War of the Worlds Jan. 14 Stars C. Thomas Howell & Jake Busey - The third version of WotW released in 2005. It's been on DVD for a few months and it has pretty mixed reviews (although I think everyone says the CG is really bad). There is according to some reviewers some decent acting in parts of it.

This movie was originally entitled Invasion, but I guess they wanted to exploit the title.

[daveblackeye15]

Another WotWs?

Oye.

[Mr_Vindictive]

Whoo!

I've been wanting to see Shallow Ground and the Thomas Howell War Of The Worlds.  I'm glad they are getting shown on SciFi; saves me a couple of rentals.

[Flangepart]

daveblackeye15 Wrote:
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> Another WotWs?
>
> Oye.

Yep. Seen it. Tolerable FX, nice stuff on Howell's part...but his kid plays his son.Oh, he SUCH a Kenny!
 And the ending ( He looks desperatly for his wife and kid in DC after the Martians invade ) is similar to a certian Cruise film ( Ahem!)


CAVED IN : To who's demand for another take on the last "Trapped underground movie?"

SHALLOW GROUND : Zombies,maby?

[Just Plain Horse]

The commercial for Painkiller Jane amused the hell out of me; Heroes aren't born, they're killed.

[odinn7]

I attempted to watch Jane last night...I sat through about 15 minutes of it and I finally couldn't take any more. No, it's not that the movie was that bad, it's that I couldn't stand my wife b***hing about it the whole time. I had to cave in and turn the channel. I really didn't see enough of it to decide if it was bad or not. My wife just doesn't get it. Why the hell did I marry her anyway?

[Foywonder]

Taken from my blog last week:

2006 is almost upon us. That means another year of glorious Sci-Fi Channel Saturday night premiere movies and they're going to kick the new year off with four consecutive weekends of original movies in January.

Movies about people trapped in caves with monsters seem to be en vogue of late, as evidenced by Sci-Fi's own CENTIPEDE!, the theatrical turkey THE CAVE, and the upcoming chiller THE DESCENT. But none of those films had prehistoric rhinoceros beetles as their featured creature! CAVED IN: PREHISTORIC TERROR does and makes its world premiere on January 7th. Originally, the flick was just called CAVED IN but I guess the Sci-Fi Channel felt the title needed a bit more pizazz, hence the newly inserted "Prehistoric Terror" portion of the name.

"A family of extreme adventurers, working in Romania as cave guides, is lured into an underground trap by thieves who plan to rob the local caverns of precious gems. A sudden cave-in traps the family members in different areas — and also unleashes a nest of deadly, prehistoric rhinoceros beetles."

I decided to look up the creepy crawlies online and I must say I’m surprised someone hadn’t already made a monster movie featuring them. First of all, Rhinoceros Beetles are ghastly looking little buggers; their names deriving from the rhino-like horns on its head. Secondly, they are the strongest living creatures on the planet, capable of lifting 850 times their own weight; the equivalent of you or me hoisting about 75 full-sized cars on our backs. And they make a loud hissing noise when threatened. Yep, these bad boys are perfect monster movie fodder. Of course, they’re also found in the rainforests near the equator and not Romanian caves, but hey, they are of the prehistoric variety so that instantly explains why they’re in a cave, of gigantic size, and have a thing for killing people.

Potential prehistoric rhinoceros beetle chow includes THE BLUE LAGOON's Christopher Atkins, "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine"’s Colm Meaney, and SOUL SURVIVOR's Angela Featherstone. In the directing chair is Richard Pepin, a fellow responsible for two of the most ludicrous direct-to-video action films of the early 1990’s: FIREPOWER, in which ex-wrestler turned constitutional hardliner The Ultimate Warrior played a sword-wielding villain called The Swordsman who obviously didn’t know a damn thing about wielding a sword, and HOLOGRAM MAN, a motion picture that taught us all that holographic images can be given physical mass by just covering them with silly putty.

CAVED IN: PREHISTORIC TERROR was produced by CinetelFilms, a production company whose name I suspect I’ll be using an awful lot in the near future in conjunction with the Sci-Fi Channel; having already given us last month’s CERBERUS and currently working on future Saturday night premieres such as KOMODO VS. KING COBRA.

The next week (January 14th) will see the Sci-Fi Channel debut of H.G. WELL'S THE WAR OF THE WORLDS. Thankfully, this will not be that life-sucking three hour snoozefest I panned a few months back (CLICK HERE for the review) but the other low budget, direct-to-DVD adaptation produced by The Asylum that came out this past June to piggyback on the release of the Cruise/Spielberg blockbuster. This version follows the same path as the Spielberg version by setting things in modern times but with a much lower budget and a storyline that more closely adheres to the novel. It also replaces Tom Cruise with C. Thomas Howell. I've seen it and can tell you that's an okay film; certainly better than many a Sci-Fi Channel original movie even if I do think it suffered from some serious pacing problems at times.

And then on 21st the Sci-Fi Channel will unveil a new volcano flick. No, "Nature Unleashed" here; this one is a United Film Organization production so it's all but guaranteed to have decent special effects and a script that leaves no cliche unturned. Let's check the plot recap and see if I'm right.

"Volcano expert John Shepard and a team of graduate students discover that a series of recent eruptions around the world are a warning of a doomsday scenario, which Shepard himself predicted and was ridiculed for. Now he and his team must convince the world that it is in peril before it becomes too late to escape the biggest volcanic catastrophe in human history."

Brilliant scientist mocked for his crazy theory that begins coming true leaving him the only person people can turn to for help... Yep, this already sounds like it's going to be a typical UFO cliche-o-rama. The title alone makes it sound like this is going to be as generic as they come - MAGMA: VOLCANIC DISASTER.

This one features two former stars of "24" in the form of Xander "Executive Director George Mason" Berkely and Reiko "Mrs. Soul Patch Michelle Dessler" Aylesworth. And just for the heck of it, they're even tossing in the original pink Power Ranger Amy Jo Johnson.

Finally, rounding out the month of Saturday night premieres will be the January 28th premiere of SWARMED, in which a swarm of yellowjacket wasps are sprayed with a super-pesticide that instead mutates them and leads to their attack on a small town. This one stars the leggy Carol Alt (last seen on the Sci-Fi Channel in SNAKEHEAD TERROR; the director of which is also at the helm of this one), the leathery Tim Thomerson (TRANCERS seems like a zillion years ago, doesn't it?), and Michael Shanks of TV "Stargate." I just hope the tagline's "You'll be swollen with fear!"

So now you know why you'll have to stay home every Saturday night this coming January; that is unless you have a social life. Or good taste. Or a checkbook in need of balancing.

[trekgeezer]

Painkiller was alright for being made as a pilot. I'v e never seen the comic so I don't know how it well the movie follows it. If it does become a series I don't think it will last very long unless they do some more development of the other characters.

My wife watched it all the way through, but when they showed the ad for Shallow Ground with the blood covered kid, she said "We're not watching that." . But I will anyway.

[Flangepart]

painkiller j.
The opening shootout cheesed me off royaly! At that range , EVERYBODY DIES!
Why did they leave the impression Jane was the only one to gets some payback? The Russians should have been broscht!

When you insult me, Mr. Movie, i am outta there!

[Just Plain Horse]

odinn7 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I attempted to watch Jane last night...I sat
> through about 15 minutes of it and I finally
> couldn't take any more. No, it's not that the
> movie was that bad, it's that I couldn't stand my
> wife b***hing about it the whole time. I had to
> cave in and turn the channel. I really didn't see
> enough of it to decide if it was bad or not. My
> wife just doesn't get it. Why the hell did I marry
> her anyway?
>
XD If it wasn't for sex or children, you made a bad call. I don't watch many Scifi originals myself... I just need to see the trailers and I can get an idea of what I would be spending two hours of my life watching. The only movie they ever did I watch is Within the Rock, which hasn't- to the best of my knowledge- been on in ages. I only watch the Scifi channel for the Kolchak marathons and the occasional Godzilla film.

[Just Plain Horse]

Foywonder Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Taken from my blog last week:
>
> 2006 is almost upon us. That means another year of
> glorious Sci-Fi Channel Saturday night premiere
> movies and they're going to kick the new year off
> with four consecutive weekends of original movies
> in January.
>
> Movies about people trapped in caves with monsters
> seem to be en vogue of late, as evidenced by
> Sci-Fi's own CENTIPEDE!, the theatrical turkey THE
> CAVE, and the upcoming chiller THE DESCENT.

I wonder if Centipede is based on that old midway game that came out eons ago... Somehow, I don't think that ripoff would give Doom a run for it's money.