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THE ANGRY RED PLANET - 3 Slimes
Not Rated
Copyright 1960 American International Pictures
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Dr. Iris Ryan - Nicknamed "Irish," she is here to scream at all the scary monsters. Her entire face unhinges. I swear the woman is part snake.
  • Colonel Thomas O'Bannion - Mission commander who starts putting the moves on Iris before the ship is even out of orbit.
  • Chief Warrant Officer Sam Jacobs - Gleeful moron with a freeze-ray gun, spends most of his time lavishing affection on it until the amoeba eats him.
  • Professor Theodore Gettell - We are informed he is the spaceship's designer and an expert on such things, then watch him wander around with a pipe. Dies of a heart attack or stroke.
  • General George Treegar - Why in the heck was a military officer in command of this?
  • The Bat-Rat-Spider - Give some disturbed kid a chainsaw, thread, and the named animals. He will make one for you. (You need a lobster too.)
  • The Carnivorous Plant - Tries to eat Iris, they chop her free and move to a safe distance, then Sam freezes it out of spite.
  • The Giant Amoeba - The largest single celled organism ever, this thing must be a hundred yards across. Col O'Bannion rewires the radar to fry it with electricity.
  • The Martians - The galactic equivalent of farmer Joe with his shotgun, don't like no humans trespassing on der property!

Buy It!

The Plot: 

A film, from 1959, which deals with the exploration of Mars is going to be cannon fodder so I'll stick with common sense aspects. Two months after it was presumed lost on Mars, the rocketship MR-1 is discovered in a stationary orbit around Earth, but attempts to raise the crew via radio are useless. Two months? Pathfinder took seven months just to reach Mars, who made this ship, Ferrari? General Treegar and the other experts (No meeting with the President and the brightest minds available?) decide to land the craft under remote control. What followed left me dumbfounded, a launch - in reverse, as they land this enormous rocket with no problem. I'm pretty sure that part cheeses off the Mars Polar Lander fellows to no end. Two survivors are on board, Iris and Colonel O'Bannion, the latter's arm is covered with a strange growth. She is finally able to relate the mission's fateful journey, including having gravity the entire flight! You heard me, the astronauts walk around their spacious craft under normal gravity, which is explained as "constant acceleration." It's almost as if they were actually on the set of some movie studio... ...reality is a gossamer thing I tell you. After landing they spend several minutes looking out viewports and describing the sights to us, then Iris sees a scary face in the window and screams. Everyone suits up and goes outside to explore, boy are strange things waiting for them: carnivorous plants, huge bat-rat-spider-lobster things, a giant amoeba, and the Martians themselves. How they mistook the bat-rat-spider-lobster beast for a patch of trees is still a mystery, but common sense fled me (Early on and under a hail of blows from the film.) anyway.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • The Pentagon has screen doors.
  • A rocket landing looks just like a rocket taking off, except in reverse.
  • Shifting desert sand dunes make excellent landing pads.
  • Earth is orbited by deadly radioactive meteorites. (I do not mean small particles, I mean glowing hunks of rock.)
  • Palm trees grow on Mars.
  • If it looks like a man-eating plant then it probably is a man-eating plant.
  • Having your eyes flash frozen sucks.
  • Nobody likes us. (Us humans that is.)

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 2 mins - Is it called the X-1 or the MR-1?
  • 3 mins - They flew to Nevada in a B-52? (A bomber.) Why not a passenger aircraft?
  • 16 mins - That is a darn roomy spaceship.
  • 27 mins - Why is she cleaning everything, it wasn't clean when they first packed the gear?
  • 32 mins - Stole those spacesuits from the local service station didn't you?
  • 42 mins - I really think that their helmets are open, no faceplates. (I'm right you know.)
  • 66 mins - Maybe you should check out the top of the tree...
  • 77 mins - Even through this crazy red effect I can tell that is a drawing.
  • 84 mins - This is the first point I can confirm one of my suspicions, their control room is where the engines should be...

Quotes: 

  • Sam: "If those Martians are out there they must invisible."
  • Sam: "Some baby, that rat-bat-spider nightmare, huh?"

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note angryred1.wav Control: "Stand by to check interior radiation."
Treegar: "Hold it, look!"
Control: "Recovery squads, hold!"
Treegar: "Someone's alive!"
Guy: "The girl!"
Treegar: "To hell with radiation, let's go!"
Green Music Note angryred2.wav O'Bannion: "Mars, the angry red planet."
Iris: "Sounds so foreboding, doesn't it?"
Green Music Note angryred3.wav Sam: "Well, should we go out and claim the planet in the name of Brooklyn?"
Green Music Note angryred4.wav The Martians laying down the law.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipangryred1.mpg - 2.4m
The Bat-Rat-Spider! Even with the effects available when this movie was made he is one of the more memorable creatures to ever come out of Hollywood. My humble opinion of course.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 ... 8
The Angry Red Planet
Reply #25. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Doug Jones
Nora Hayden, the screaming, reptile-jawed starlet in this opus, later became "Naura" Hayden, she of the Everything You Wanted to Know About Energy But Were Too Tired to Ask
series of health food books. Her caps are excessive, lending an unhinged look to her gaping screams. Norman Maurer story-boarded the film, designing the monsters on paper. He also was married at the time to Moe Howard's daughter! Thus, the Edward Bernds connection. Norman is very cool. He invented 3-D comics!

The Angry Red Planet
Reply #26. Posted on November 27, 2002, 04:35:39 AM by Anon
As a good B movie this film has all the required things in it(interesting atmosphere, campy script, etc). For sci-fi fans watching this film late in the evening with a beer (or soda) and chips provides for an entertaining experiance.
The Angry Red Planet
Reply #27. Posted on January 21, 2003, 02:53:17 AM by steve t.
A GREAT old movie!!!!!!
The Angry Red Planet
Reply #28. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by John
I can't believe it! Everyone is enthralled with the bat-rat-spider-crab, sayng it was the coolest monster in this flick and one of the great monsters of all time. Hey, it was cool ,for sure. But let me ask this one simple question: Would you rather take your chances with the bat-rat-spider-crab, or the ameoba? THE AMEOBA RULES! I think that damned ameoba is the coolest thing to make an appearence in a movie. I used to watch this flick in grammear school, they always seemed to show it on the 4:30 show on channel 7 (NY) on the last day of school in June. When that ameoba bubbles up out of the water, I would start to sweat and get stomach cramps. And poor Sammy! The flick is out on DVD, and I wish they made the disc with an alternate ending so I could rescue that poor guy. Anyway, I'll be 46 years old soon, I'm a health care professional with three college degrees, AND THAT AMEOBA STILL SCARES AND DISTURBS THE HELL OUT OF ME!
The Angry Red Planet
Reply #29. Posted on May 22, 2003, 08:36:28 PM by marco
a slight disapointment, but still enjoyable. i think it could have been better.
The Angry Red Planet
Reply #30. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Buttafly
This was by FAR the cheesiest movie I've ever seen and I loved it for precisely that reason. The special effects were rediculously funny and campy, especially the amoeba.  It was the most original (and silliest) creature ever put on film.  I mean seriously? It takes some imagination to come up with a giant twirly-eyed, jellyfish-esque, amoeba monster.  Everyone involved with this movie had to be on something because all the dialog and special effects and especially the acting all had the feel of something out of a hallucination.  But that oh so hip jazz score at the end is just the icing on the cake.  All in all, though, a very entertaining flick. :)
The Angry Red Planet
Reply #31. Posted on July 23, 2003, 04:52:23 AM by
Long live the rat, bat, spider! And the Red lighting too!
The Angry Red Planet
Reply #32. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Peter
I was terrified of the Angry Red Planet as a kid of 7 watching it on TV on a rainy Saturday afternoon, and now, 39 years after first viewing it, it remains one of the very best examples of classic 1950's SciFi films.
Viewing it today, I become that same 7-year-old kid again, and love every minute of it.
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FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

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