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THE ANGRY RED PLANET - 3 Slimes
Not Rated
Copyright 1960 American International Pictures
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Dr. Iris Ryan - Nicknamed "Irish," she is here to scream at all the scary monsters. Her entire face unhinges. I swear the woman is part snake.
  • Colonel Thomas O'Bannion - Mission commander who starts putting the moves on Iris before the ship is even out of orbit.
  • Chief Warrant Officer Sam Jacobs - Gleeful moron with a freeze-ray gun, spends most of his time lavishing affection on it until the amoeba eats him.
  • Professor Theodore Gettell - We are informed he is the spaceship's designer and an expert on such things, then watch him wander around with a pipe. Dies of a heart attack or stroke.
  • General George Treegar - Why in the heck was a military officer in command of this?
  • The Bat-Rat-Spider - Give some disturbed kid a chainsaw, thread, and the named animals. He will make one for you. (You need a lobster too.)
  • The Carnivorous Plant - Tries to eat Iris, they chop her free and move to a safe distance, then Sam freezes it out of spite.
  • The Giant Amoeba - The largest single celled organism ever, this thing must be a hundred yards across. Col O'Bannion rewires the radar to fry it with electricity.
  • The Martians - The galactic equivalent of farmer Joe with his shotgun, don't like no humans trespassing on der property!

Buy It!

The Plot: 

A film, from 1959, which deals with the exploration of Mars is going to be cannon fodder so I'll stick with common sense aspects. Two months after it was presumed lost on Mars, the rocketship MR-1 is discovered in a stationary orbit around Earth, but attempts to raise the crew via radio are useless. Two months? Pathfinder took seven months just to reach Mars, who made this ship, Ferrari? General Treegar and the other experts (No meeting with the President and the brightest minds available?) decide to land the craft under remote control. What followed left me dumbfounded, a launch - in reverse, as they land this enormous rocket with no problem. I'm pretty sure that part cheeses off the Mars Polar Lander fellows to no end. Two survivors are on board, Iris and Colonel O'Bannion, the latter's arm is covered with a strange growth. She is finally able to relate the mission's fateful journey, including having gravity the entire flight! You heard me, the astronauts walk around their spacious craft under normal gravity, which is explained as "constant acceleration." It's almost as if they were actually on the set of some movie studio... ...reality is a gossamer thing I tell you. After landing they spend several minutes looking out viewports and describing the sights to us, then Iris sees a scary face in the window and screams. Everyone suits up and goes outside to explore, boy are strange things waiting for them: carnivorous plants, huge bat-rat-spider-lobster things, a giant amoeba, and the Martians themselves. How they mistook the bat-rat-spider-lobster beast for a patch of trees is still a mystery, but common sense fled me (Early on and under a hail of blows from the film.) anyway.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • The Pentagon has screen doors.
  • A rocket landing looks just like a rocket taking off, except in reverse.
  • Shifting desert sand dunes make excellent landing pads.
  • Earth is orbited by deadly radioactive meteorites. (I do not mean small particles, I mean glowing hunks of rock.)
  • Palm trees grow on Mars.
  • If it looks like a man-eating plant then it probably is a man-eating plant.
  • Having your eyes flash frozen sucks.
  • Nobody likes us. (Us humans that is.)

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 2 mins - Is it called the X-1 or the MR-1?
  • 3 mins - They flew to Nevada in a B-52? (A bomber.) Why not a passenger aircraft?
  • 16 mins - That is a darn roomy spaceship.
  • 27 mins - Why is she cleaning everything, it wasn't clean when they first packed the gear?
  • 32 mins - Stole those spacesuits from the local service station didn't you?
  • 42 mins - I really think that their helmets are open, no faceplates. (I'm right you know.)
  • 66 mins - Maybe you should check out the top of the tree...
  • 77 mins - Even through this crazy red effect I can tell that is a drawing.
  • 84 mins - This is the first point I can confirm one of my suspicions, their control room is where the engines should be...

Quotes: 

  • Sam: "If those Martians are out there they must invisible."
  • Sam: "Some baby, that rat-bat-spider nightmare, huh?"

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note angryred1.wav Control: "Stand by to check interior radiation."
Treegar: "Hold it, look!"
Control: "Recovery squads, hold!"
Treegar: "Someone's alive!"
Guy: "The girl!"
Treegar: "To hell with radiation, let's go!"
Green Music Note angryred2.wav O'Bannion: "Mars, the angry red planet."
Iris: "Sounds so foreboding, doesn't it?"
Green Music Note angryred3.wav Sam: "Well, should we go out and claim the planet in the name of Brooklyn?"
Green Music Note angryred4.wav The Martians laying down the law.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipangryred1.mpg - 2.4m
The Bat-Rat-Spider! Even with the effects available when this movie was made he is one of the more memorable creatures to ever come out of Hollywood. My humble opinion of course.

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Internet Movie Database


Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 ... 6 7 [8]
Re: The Angry Red Planet
Reply #57. Posted on December 14, 2008, 07:44:31 PM by TERESE
I LOVE this movie.  It came out the year that I was born.  I found it on TV on a late night about 15 years ago.  About 10 years ago I bought the VHS.  My family thinks it is horrible and think it is torture when I make them watch it!   BounceGiggle Lookingup
Re: The Angry Red Planet
Reply #58. Posted on July 27, 2009, 10:16:40 PM by MTMTexas
Saw this movie at a Sarurday Matinee.
I was 11 years old.
When they finally showed the rat-bat-spider-lobster, a girl sitting two seats away jumped up and wrapped her arms around me and hid her face in my shoulder while her friends screamed their heads off.

GOSH I miss the old Walker Theater in Brooklyn!!

Ciao
Re: The Angry Red Planet
Reply #59. Posted on August 07, 2009, 04:48:07 PM by Mr Reptilian!
Why couldnt she see the top of the top of the Batratspidercrab before she started wacking? The red effect made my eyes real sore when I first saw this movie.A very terrible movie but funny as hell.
Re: The Angry Red Planet
Reply #60. Posted on August 28, 2009, 12:05:21 AM by Mr Reptilian!
I dont care how you try to justify it but freezing someones eyeballs is just plain wrong.Other then that an enjoyable movie.
Not if your best friend is about to become a Rock Sanwich.
Re: The Angry Red Planet
Reply #61. Posted on January 28, 2010, 07:07:48 PM by Rich
I was 8 when I made my parents take me to see this movie in 1959. I lived in a small village near Worcester in the UK. It turned out to have the most profound effect on me that it is still to this day the most terrifying experience I have ever had and can remember how scared I was quite vividly. That night I would not close my eyes and the lights had to be left on all night. I remember my father stayed up with me all night. He and Mom took it in turns for over a week until the experience calmed down enough for me sleep on my own. But it was many later before I would turn off my bedroom lights at night. Whenever anything scary happens to me now I automatically scale it from 1 to 10 on this one experience in 1959. Life was much more naive in those days and kids today would just lagh. It makes me wonder what sort of movies will be made in the future which could possibly scare the kids of the future!! Was I alone, or did anyone else get a fright, I love to hear from you.
Re: The Angry Red Planet
Reply #62. Posted on February 07, 2010, 04:08:53 PM by BoyScoutKevin
I have seen it, and I did enjoy it, but I never found it to be scary. But, then, I was much older than 8, when I saw it.

But 8 can be a scary age for a child. I saw the original "The Fly," when I was 6, and it scared the s*** out of me. Of course, I now find the film more laughable than scary.
Re: The Angry Red Planet
Reply #63. Posted on March 29, 2011, 03:09:11 PM by ralphyralph
The dialog in this movie is hopelessly inane. Seriously I think they used some kind of random dialog generator, which would probably be a computational feat in 1959. My forehead got sore from so many face palms. I couldn't finish the movie.
Re: The Angry Red Planet
Reply #64. Posted on December 04, 2014, 04:10:32 PM by Babied
The pink amoeba, digesting the astronaut"REALLY TURNED ME ON"! Wish it had been me in my fleece footed pajamas! Smile
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Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

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