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BARBARELLA - 3 Slimes
Rated PG
Copyright 1968 Dino de Laurentiis Cinematografica.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Barbarella - Jane Fonda! Ted Turner's little communist is sort of an intergalactic special agent.
  • Duran Duran - HEHEHE! (Sorry, his name gives me the giggles, and according to Leonard Maltin that is where the band got it from.) Mad scientist intent on conquering the universe, generally out to cause hate and discontent. Eaten by the Magmous.
  • Pygar - Last of the ornithothropes, he's an Angel, literally.
  • The Great Tyrant - Attractive and evil ruler of Lythion, she likes the word "pretty."
  • Dildano - Inept revolutionary who wishes to overthrow the evil empire, zapped into the fourth dimension.
  • Professor Ping - Kind scientist who assists the unfortunates banished into the labyrinth, also zapped.
  • Marcan - Barbarian guy in charge of herding wild children (Now that's daycare.), he saves Barbarella from the evil kiddies and introduces her to some old fashioned loving...
  • Alfie - The ship's computer.
  • The Magmous - A presence which surrounds the city and feeds off evil, it appears to be a huge lava lamp.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Ho Chi Minh's favorite exercise queen stars in this amazing piece of science fiction, oh yes, Jane Fonda. What really amazes me is the movie's PG rating, considering the fact that Barbarella's antigravity breasts go bouncing through a few scenes sans clothing. (Plus there's another woman hanging from leather straps later on.) Don't try and give me all that, "It was the 60's." crap either. Our heroine is dispatched to prevent a new weapon from destroying the harmony of the known universe. If one thing was threatening harmony it is this movie's soundtrack, I was toturing the cat by humming snippets to it. (Kitty actually fled the room.) After her spaceship crashes things really get weird, she encounters wild children, leather robots, Pygar, the Great Tyrant, and carnivorous parakeets. When Barbarella finally locates Duran Duran (Hehe! Sorry...) the scientist is a madman, seeking to conquer the universe and give her a fatal orgasm. I didn't stutter my friends, he straps the woman into a strange "pleasure organ/piano" thing and plays a tune which should kill her with ecstasy. It doesn't work, Barbarella shorts out the machine and it bursts into flames. Soon after this the Great Tyrant sets free the Magmous and all heck breaks loose, the end. If that wasn't warning enough I'm telling you now: This movie is all over the place and insanely groovy. After the shock of watching Barbarella strip out of her spacesuit in zero gravity (She's obviously laying on plate glass with the camera above her.), I noticed the red shag carpet covering the spaceship's interior top to bottom. For a state of the art spacecraft her ship had some issues, like the acid trip view screen and a disturbing habit of colliding with solid objects, like a planet. Let's not forget this is the future and all the messy pleasure associated with that disgusting habit of sexual intercourse has been overcome, now you just take a pill and hold hands... ...until Barbarella gets her pipes cleaned by Marcan, then she does agree "Wider is..." I mean, "The old ways are better."

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Orange shag carpet is the ultimate in spaceship decor.
  • Stingrays are used as draft horses on other worlds.
  • Sadistic children scream like a flock of seagulls.
  • In the future sexual gratification is achieved by taking a pill and holding hands. (My thoughts exactly...)
  • Orchids are not very filling.
  • Angels make nests.
  • Public suicide chambers need to be clearly marked.
  • Parakeets are carnivorous.
  • Having some woman smoke me in a bong is the stuff nightmares are made of.
  • The world will be swallowed by an evil lava lamp monster.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 5 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT! (Wait, this is PG?)
  • 17 mins - Earth's number one agent was just captured by two eight year old girls.
  • 19 mins - These weird kids are feeding her to mechanical dolls.
  • 43 mins - It's a flying sundae of death!
  • 47 mins - Lady, how exactly do you plan on hiding his wings?
  • 64 mins - Should have paid the electric bill Dildano...
  • 72 mins - Now that's a password.
  • 76 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 77 mins - Is there a guy in that bong?
  • 79 mins - Duran Duran (Hehe!) has her in this weird piano/organ thing, it's sucking her clothes off... ...and, um, doing other things.

Quotes: 

  • The President of Earth: "What I must tell you is not only grave, it's a secret."
    Barbarella: "A secret?"
  • Great Tyrant: "I'm also the Great Tyrant."
    Barbarella: "Well, that's nice."

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note barbarella1.wav Marcan: "Barbarella!"
Green Music Note barbarella2.wav Barbarella: "Are you an Angel?"
Pygar: "I'm Pygar, the last of the ornithothropes."
Green Music Note barbarella3.wav Great Tyrant: "You're very pretty pretty pretty."
Barbarella: "My name isn't Pretty Pretty it's Barbarella."
Green Music Note barbarella4.wav Barbarella: "I'm here on the orders of the President of the Republic of Earth. I'm here to find Duran Duran."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

ImageImageImage
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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipbarbarella1.mpg - 2.1m
Pygar and Barbarella battle evil sundaes, it goes without saying that the enemy were not very well armed. The angel is out of shape and she is using a hand weapon...

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3 ... 10
Barbarella
Reply #1. Posted on July 12, 1999, 03:05:55 PM by GMO
What really amazes me is that the film was based on a novel...
Barbarella
Reply #2. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Angela
Barbarella is one of my favourite films!!  It's Kitsch at it's best!  I love the fashion in it.  One of Jane's best films.  The set was amazing.  I'm sure I saw a wall move once....what was it made of? Cardboard jelly?....lol.  The set was colourful, fantastic.


That Marcan is one hunky hairy beast of a man.....waahhaayyyyyyy ;) and Pygor isn't bad either.....who needs one of them pills when you've got them.....



:D


Angela
Wales
UK
Barbarella
Reply #3. Posted on December 16, 1999, 04:23:51 AM by Madcow
If there were more scenes of La Fondue in the Orgasmatron, this picture would be universally acclaimed.  Right up there with "Citizen Kane", "8 1/2", and "Rules of the Game".  In fact, if the remake ever goes into production, Ms. Barrymore and company would have an unabashed runaway smash on their hands if Drewcella agreed to be in the ecstasy machine for one and a half to two hours.  They should give serious thought to this suggestion.
Barbarella
Reply #4. Posted on January 27, 2000, 05:04:48 PM by Paul H.
Worth watching when you want everyone/thing to go away and leave you alone.  It is a good movie to keep your mind confused and unable to think correctly.  Just sit on the couch and veg.

If you are in anyway wanting to do something, you won't be able to watch this movie.  It is just to slow and to "not right with the ways of the universe".

Depending on mental state 3-6 out of ten.
2-3 green globs

Not every movie should be entertaining.  It is just like watching and aquarium.   While it could have been better I think it is fine how it is; leave action to other movies.
Barbarella
Reply #5. Posted on March 27, 2000, 11:11:40 PM by

 Did you actually know, The movie is rated PG, but
when it was actualy released in 1968 the R rating
did not exist so they rated it M(for mature
audiences) then in 1969 they rated it R! It is PG
now because they made cuts in 1977 to the movie.
So rumour has the the rated M or R version is
avaiable somewhere! I found that out some
Barbarella
Reply #6. Posted on June 08, 2000, 05:12:24 PM by shan
I'm sorry this is without question the BEST movie ever I mean even Duran Duran loved it.
Barbarella
Reply #7. Posted on July 31, 2000, 01:17:07 AM by Muttonhead Smith
Jane Fonda stature in the Women's Liberation Movement is destroyed by this movie. She is too anxious to do the reproductive act to please men. In fact, that was the whole plot. In the end, it is the ANGEL, practically a non-participant in this story, who gets the GIRLS! (How sexist can you get. This is even a slap at the Secular Humanists who share Fonda's Liberal Philosophy!) Director Vadim, who was Fonda's Husband at the time of the movie, appears to be fanatically focused one one message to the audience with this movie, the message being "This is what SLEEPS IN MY BED!"

Fonda has betrayed her Liberal Friends far worse than she betrayed the boys in Vietnam by even letting her name be mentioned in this move! A self-respecting Women's Libber would have caponized Vadim.

Good Work, Jane! You are a Conservative's best friend!
Barbarella
Reply #8. Posted on February 02, 2002, 10:21:49 PM by McVouty
She looked great.  The first 5 minutes are among the best 5 minutes in the history of cinema.  And Ho Chi Minh beats the hell out of Osama bin Ladin or Saddam Hussein.
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