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BARBARELLA - 3 Slimes
Rated PG
Copyright 1968 Dino de Laurentiis Cinematografica.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Barbarella - Jane Fonda! Ted Turner's little communist is sort of an intergalactic special agent.
  • Duran Duran - HEHEHE! (Sorry, his name gives me the giggles, and according to Leonard Maltin that is where the band got it from.) Mad scientist intent on conquering the universe, generally out to cause hate and discontent. Eaten by the Magmous.
  • Pygar - Last of the ornithothropes, he's an Angel, literally.
  • The Great Tyrant - Attractive and evil ruler of Lythion, she likes the word "pretty."
  • Dildano - Inept revolutionary who wishes to overthrow the evil empire, zapped into the fourth dimension.
  • Professor Ping - Kind scientist who assists the unfortunates banished into the labyrinth, also zapped.
  • Marcan - Barbarian guy in charge of herding wild children (Now that's daycare.), he saves Barbarella from the evil kiddies and introduces her to some old fashioned loving...
  • Alfie - The ship's computer.
  • The Magmous - A presence which surrounds the city and feeds off evil, it appears to be a huge lava lamp.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Ho Chi Minh's favorite exercise queen stars in this amazing piece of science fiction, oh yes, Jane Fonda. What really amazes me is the movie's PG rating, considering the fact that Barbarella's antigravity breasts go bouncing through a few scenes sans clothing. (Plus there's another woman hanging from leather straps later on.) Don't try and give me all that, "It was the 60's." crap either. Our heroine is dispatched to prevent a new weapon from destroying the harmony of the known universe. If one thing was threatening harmony it is this movie's soundtrack, I was toturing the cat by humming snippets to it. (Kitty actually fled the room.) After her spaceship crashes things really get weird, she encounters wild children, leather robots, Pygar, the Great Tyrant, and carnivorous parakeets. When Barbarella finally locates Duran Duran (Hehe! Sorry...) the scientist is a madman, seeking to conquer the universe and give her a fatal orgasm. I didn't stutter my friends, he straps the woman into a strange "pleasure organ/piano" thing and plays a tune which should kill her with ecstasy. It doesn't work, Barbarella shorts out the machine and it bursts into flames. Soon after this the Great Tyrant sets free the Magmous and all heck breaks loose, the end. If that wasn't warning enough I'm telling you now: This movie is all over the place and insanely groovy. After the shock of watching Barbarella strip out of her spacesuit in zero gravity (She's obviously laying on plate glass with the camera above her.), I noticed the red shag carpet covering the spaceship's interior top to bottom. For a state of the art spacecraft her ship had some issues, like the acid trip view screen and a disturbing habit of colliding with solid objects, like a planet. Let's not forget this is the future and all the messy pleasure associated with that disgusting habit of sexual intercourse has been overcome, now you just take a pill and hold hands... ...until Barbarella gets her pipes cleaned by Marcan, then she does agree "Wider is..." I mean, "The old ways are better."

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Orange shag carpet is the ultimate in spaceship decor.
  • Stingrays are used as draft horses on other worlds.
  • Sadistic children scream like a flock of seagulls.
  • In the future sexual gratification is achieved by taking a pill and holding hands. (My thoughts exactly...)
  • Orchids are not very filling.
  • Angels make nests.
  • Public suicide chambers need to be clearly marked.
  • Parakeets are carnivorous.
  • Having some woman smoke me in a bong is the stuff nightmares are made of.
  • The world will be swallowed by an evil lava lamp monster.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 5 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT! (Wait, this is PG?)
  • 17 mins - Earth's number one agent was just captured by two eight year old girls.
  • 19 mins - These weird kids are feeding her to mechanical dolls.
  • 43 mins - It's a flying sundae of death!
  • 47 mins - Lady, how exactly do you plan on hiding his wings?
  • 64 mins - Should have paid the electric bill Dildano...
  • 72 mins - Now that's a password.
  • 76 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 77 mins - Is there a guy in that bong?
  • 79 mins - Duran Duran (Hehe!) has her in this weird piano/organ thing, it's sucking her clothes off... ...and, um, doing other things.

Quotes: 

  • The President of Earth: "What I must tell you is not only grave, it's a secret."
    Barbarella: "A secret?"
  • Great Tyrant: "I'm also the Great Tyrant."
    Barbarella: "Well, that's nice."

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note barbarella1.wav Marcan: "Barbarella!"
Green Music Note barbarella2.wav Barbarella: "Are you an Angel?"
Pygar: "I'm Pygar, the last of the ornithothropes."
Green Music Note barbarella3.wav Great Tyrant: "You're very pretty pretty pretty."
Barbarella: "My name isn't Pretty Pretty it's Barbarella."
Green Music Note barbarella4.wav Barbarella: "I'm here on the orders of the President of the Republic of Earth. I'm here to find Duran Duran."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipbarbarella1.mpg - 2.1m
Pygar and Barbarella battle evil sundaes, it goes without saying that the enemy were not very well armed. The angel is out of shape and she is using a hand weapon...

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 ... 4 5 [6] 7 8 ... 10
Barbarella
Reply #41. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Raejo
Amazing, Barbarella hit me straight in the lower abdomen, I've seen it this afternoon, and now, seven hours later I'm still laughing my ass of, not to mention the Afrodisian effect (is that correct use of language?)... Oh wow!
Barbarella
Reply #42. Posted on June 28, 2004, 07:36:14 PM by lonesome loon
And this is not the only putrid movie with hanoi jane there also THE BLUEBIRD  and STEEL YARD BLUES and to think that JOHN PHILLIP LAW WOULD STOOP SO LOW? what a fool
Barbarella
Reply #43. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Cyanide Fish
Back when Ted Turner and Jane Fonda were an item the joke was that you could tell when they had a fight 'cos Ted would show Barbarella on TBS.
Barbarella
Reply #44. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Eduardo
About the PG rating.
In '68 there were no ratings, it was approved but suggested for mature audiences.
the movie get the re rating (PG) in 1977
Barbarella
Reply #45. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by WitchKing
Absolutely mind-bending.  Though the Barbarella character ultimately proves to be more Hapless Bimbo than Intergalactic Amazon (really, she does scream often and makes many mistakes; Pygar is probably more brave & heroic than her), she is aesthetically pleasing and certainly not meant to be taken very seriously.  The whole film is rather throwaway, but when taken as a head trip, it is a fun ride.  The set design and costumes alone are incredible to behold.  Fonda is more fresh-faced and beguiling than any of today's crop of plastic Femme Bots (can't really picture Drew Barrymore in a remake, or anyone else except maybe Charlize Theron), and John Phillip Law is a vision as Pygar.  A nice companion piece to "Flash Gordon" and "Danger: Diabloik" (an even wilder pop opera also starring Law).  Choice line:  "Decrucify the angel or I'll melt your face!"
Barbarella
Reply #46. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Liz
I can't even picture a remake, but if they did, I think Linda Cardellini (Scooby Doo Movie, ER) would make a great modern day Barbarella/Jane Fonda. Why they could ever think Drew Barrymore is crazy to me. Linda Cardellini may only be a little too short, but nothing they can't overlook or disillusion us with once she put on the spike heeled boots.
Barbarella
Reply #47. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by lump516
The "PG" version of the film has a few minor cuts and places a few filters over Ms. Fonda's chesticular region to reduce the naughtiness quotient a bit.  Unfortunately, it doesn't come equipped with a coherent plot, which would have been nice.  The main source of amusement are the wild costumes, courtesy of Jacques Fonteray and fashion designer Paco Rabanne (in the days when he was actually making clothes, not just licensing smelly aftershave), and some very amusing character turns by Ugo Tognazzi, Claude Dauphin, and particularly David Hemmings as Dildano, who "has the pills" and may be the most incompetent revolutionary in history (in the end, The Great Tryant who rules everything overthrows herself and flies off with Barbarella and her favorite Flying Freak).  The script has some great bits of comic dialogue and Joan Greenwood purrs amusingly as the voice of The Great Tyrant.  It all looks great thanks to Claude Renoir's lovely photography and the music isn't THAT bad . . .
Barbarella
Reply #48. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by pale_vixen
I personally have been The Great Tyrant for Halloween...pretty, pretty, pretty...
the organ-like (tee hee) machine Duran Duran uses on Barbarella, which she ultimately destroys, is called the Orgasmatron...any mechanics out there wanna build one?...I'll test drive it for you
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