Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"

Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT


BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS - 3 Slimes
Rated PG
Copyright 1980 New World Pictures
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 6 May 2001

The Characters:  

  • Shad - Richard Thomas! Still typecast as a farmer's boy infected with an adventurous spirit, but now he has an outdated spaceship to play with. Allowed to fight with the galactic scum and fall in love after finishing his chores.
  • Nell - This is the artificial intelligence program that controls John Boy's ship. She's a little touchy about her age and don't even mention all the extra hydrogen she is carrying around on her hips. Self-destructs.
  • Nanelia - Considering that she grew up on a space station only inhabited by her father and dozens of androids it is unsurprising how quickly she falls for Chad. Very proficient at hanging from the ceiling, which is a little worrisome with her social background.
  • Space Cowboy - George Peppard! A gnarly old gun runner who throws his hat in on the good guys' side and dies with his boots on. Mothers, don't let your babies grow up to be intergalactic arms merchants...
  • Caymen - Reptilian who hunts creatures that actually inhabit the darkness of deep space. Check out the ship he uses, it even looks like a whaling vessel adapted to zero gravity. Blasted to smithereens during a suicide run on the main enemy battlecruiser.
  • Nestor - We meet five parts (bodies) of this being. Imagine that everyone in the world was a part of one communal intelligence and organized into nodes of five. A neat idea, but watching one "person" eat a hot dog while everyone else chews is weird. After the battle is over Nestor has five empty slots to fill.
  • Saint-Exmin of the Valkyrie - Sybil Danning! Bred in a warrior society, she revels in the excitement of battle, even when her own end comes. Blessed with a strong sexuality, half the time you cannot tell if she is talking about fighting or f... ...um, sex.
  • Gelt - Robert Vaughn! The man from "I'll whoop your butt without moving anything except my eyes." Turned into BBQ.
  • Sador of the Malmori - John Saxon! Merciless warlord who uses his flagship, a cool Corellian Corvette/Star Destroyer conversion job, to bully people. He wanted to live forever, but didn't.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

While "Star Wars" might have been a subtle adaptation of "Seven Samurai" (read the note below before writing me), this makes no attempt to hide its pedigree. In the original we know why the bandits were demanding a huge portion of the farmer's harvest: food was a precious commodity (it still is of course, but starvation is rare in developed countries). For years you might wonder why Sador, a ruler possessing high technology and a powerful battlecruiser, would even bother with an agricultural planet. I'm right there with you, it does not make a lick of sense. Try reading A Deepness in the Sky by Vinge for a better model of why technological societies might devote resources to warfare. I'd suggest reading A Fire Upon the Deep first though.

Having made his demands known (something to the effect of "your rice is my rice") Sador threatens to use a stellar converter and destroy Akir if the populace does not obey him. For those of you not familiar with a stellar converter, I shall try to explain. It is similar in operation to a little doctor. You don't know what a little doctor is either? Doesn't anybody read anymore? Forget it; suffice to say that if they do not give up a portion of their harvest the planet will be blasted and rip itself apart on a molecular level.

Among the pacifist horde is an old warrior named Zed. He is blind and unable to make war, but his fighting ship still has her weapons and sense of wit intact. Nell was obviously designed by someone with a sense of humor. From the front she appears to be blessed with bountiful bosoms, while a side view takes on the silhouette of a female centaur lying down. (Look, the ship has breasts. Get it?) A young man named Shad sets out aboard Nell with one goal in mind: find mercenaries willing to help him defend Akir.

First stop is a massive space station, the workshop of Dr. Hephaestus. The cyborg is overjoyed to see Shad! There are only two humans on the station, the doctor (poetic license, he has a human brain) and his daughter. Other than that the entire population is made up of artificials. They might be androids, they might be mimes, they sure are not human. Farmer's daughters are renowned for their eagerness to please the male sex. Move over Bobbi Joe! You don't have nuttin on a girl raised on a satellite in deep space. No sireeeee! Obviously Hephaestus would like the young man to stay and entertain his daughter, thus filling the halls with little hoodlums. Shad has different plans though, he wants to save his planet - not scold some brat for "unplugging grandpa again." With Nanelia's help he escapes the Satellite of Love.

By a series of fortunate circumstances and dogged determination the defense fleet is assembled. Creatures join for all sorts of reasons: desiring revenge on Sador, a need to prove themselves in battle, and even Space Cowboy's reluctant sense of honor. Then there is Gelt. He is rich with wealth gained while working as a mercenary across the known galaxy. Plenty of money, but nowhere to spend it since everyone hates him. Sador and Gelt are alike in a couple of ways when you get down to it, but while the petty warlord desires power for the sake of power, the petty mercenary finds refuge in killing because that is all he knows.

With such an eclectic group there is going to be plenty of strange social interaction. I mean, you have Shad trying to interest Nanelia in a little romantic biology for crying out loud. The woman has spent her entire life in space and studied the sexual behavior committed by hundreds of races. Imagine going on a first date with someone who is thirty, has never had sex, but who has watched every weird tentacle hentai, bondage, and transvestite porn movie ever made. Maybe you're that adventurous. Space Cowboy also has a belt that dispenses scotch, water, and ice. I want one...

Inevitably the battle does come and, though hopelessly outmatched by their enemies, the ad hoc force puts up a splendid defense. Watch in amazement as tiny ships charge the main battlecruiser, dodging hammer blows from the Malmori flagship's guns. Reminds me of playing Quake II, fighting a well armed foe with my dinky laser pistol. Sometimes it works, but Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. He had better, else someone will put a railgun projectile up his wazoo. The tactics employed by Space Cowboy and his militia on the ground leave a little more to be desired. Everybody just sort of runs into the open and opens fire. Don't blame Cowboy, he was out of his element without an old Plymouth Fury to convert into a tank.

Both sides pause briefly to lick their wounds, then it's back to the meat grinder. In the end only Nanelia and Shad are alive, though Nell (they're inside Nell of course, after a while the whole premise stopped disturbing me) has been badly damaged by a nuclear missile and is being drawn to Sador's ship by tractor beam. Of course they rig Nell to blow, then both humans scramble to get in the escape pod. The old gal had some problems during her self-destruct countdown. Was that due to the EMP damage or did she have an SX chip to start?

The characters are lots of fun, the story is good (duh - "Seven Samurai" is fantastic), and the special effects are above average. In fact, lots of the model work would later be used in many other movies... ...including this one, over and over. I had fond memories of this film as I popped the new DVD into my player and they did not fail me.

NOTE: I am familiar with "The Hidden Fortress" and know the hype. Now, acknowledge that it is reasonable for someone to have watched the films and found good similarities between the "Star Wars" trilogy and "Seven Samurai." Enough George Lucas fanboys have argued the point with me and they always resort to saying, "But he said the movie was based on 'The Hidden Fortress.'" I have a response: "It's called original thought, you should try it some time."

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • The Mormon Tabernacle Chorus is made up of androids.
  • Evolution does not encourage the development of an immune system.
  • Weddings should be conducted indoors (or, even better, underground) if your planet is under siege.
  • Someday radioactive isotopes will be used as currency.
  • Reflective safety vests are effective as antitank weapons.
  • Laser weapon wounds should not be treated with an antiseptic vegetable paste.
  • Static globes are actually the control units for space battlecruisers.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 6 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A PEOPLE WITHOUT A CLUE!
  • 15 mins - Thank goodness that the docking tunnel was just the right size.
  • 20 mins - Well, it sure is good to see mimes earning their pay.
  • 25 mins - Ewww! You just got a face full of powdered ambassador!
  • 30 mins - So who is broadcasting the destruction of a planet? Fox?
  • 56 mins - Are you people using a synthesizer for national defense? What is this? Mutual assured '80s music?
  • 71 mins - That guy was unfortunate enough to be born with an artery in his ear.
  • 80 mins - Your brain is not wired for three fingers, plus buying gloves is going to suck.
  • 57 mins - Nuclear missiles rapping, rapping at my cortex core...

Quotes: 

  • Sador: "Yago is expert at inflicting pain...while keeping the patient alive."
    Nestor: "It is good to have skills."

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note battlebeyond1.wav Sador: "I possess a stellar converter, the most powerful weapon in the universe, you cannot resist me."
Green Music Note battlebeyond2.wav Shad: "You know, I thought I did pretty well back there. I mean, you're still in one piece aren't you?"
Nell: "Sure you did. If they ever hold a contest for running away you'll be champion of the universe."
Green Music Note battlebeyond3.wav Nanelia: "Only two sexes? On Bilandic it takes three and Kitsel.."
Shad: "Oh no, just two. Just males and females, that's all."
Green Music Note battlebeyond4.wav Nestor: "There's no dog in this."
Cowboy: "Uh-uh."
Nestor: "Hydrolyzed vegetable protein, soybean meal, niacin, dextrose, and sodium nitrate flavoring."
Cowboy: "Yup, that's what we call 'meat' back home."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

ImageImageImage
ImageImageImage
ImageImage


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipbattlebeyond1.mpg - 3.3m
Caymen meets his cold blooded maker after attacking with a patented pig call (I don't really understand either). Does anyone know the lizard word for "divine wind?"

 Leave a commentEXTRASBuy the movie 

Share It!Buy the movieIMDB Logo
Stumble This ReviewStumble This Review
Digg This ReviewDigg This Review
Buy it from Amazon.com (United States)

Buy it from Movies Unlimited (United States)

Internet Movie Database


Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 3 [4] 5
Re: Battle Beyond the Stars
Reply #25. Posted on November 28, 2008, 07:19:02 AM by Phill
It wasn't a marriage between two women at all, if you look carefully, Shads sister grabs the hands of the man who is slightly obscured by his bride to be, but theres no mistaking its a man.

Re: Battle Beyond the Stars
Reply #26. Posted on January 14, 2009, 01:27:27 AM by MrObvious
If anyone wonders how they did such good visual effects on such a small budget, check out the amount of talent that worked on the crew -  a lot of big names got their early start with Roger Corman: Chuck Comisky, James Cameron, Alec Gillis, Dennis & Robert Skotak, with the great astronomy artist Don Dixon as visual consultant.
Re: Battle Beyond the Stars
Reply #27. Posted on April 05, 2009, 10:08:33 PM by Tim Cafferty
I saw this movie in the early 80's when I took a girlfriend and the two of us were the only ones in the theater - still, I remember it as one my favorite "bad" movies of all time.  I loved the scene where Sybill Danning addressed the group of mercenaries and the camera focussed on her ass.  To me, the spaceship Nell looks like a moose head.  Still can't figure out why Sador wanted to conquer Shad's planet; it was a worthless lump of rock.  Finally, I tried to buy this movie recently but the local video store couldn't even order it - at any cost.  I can get it off the internet, but it looks like it will cost me around $50 plus shipping.  Anyone know a cheaper way to acquire it on DVD?
Re: Battle Beyond the Stars
Reply #28. Posted on June 17, 2009, 01:09:49 AM by Flu-Bird
Dont the reptile guy kind of remind you of GRIGG from THE LAST STARFIGHTER? or maybe the the bisexiual lizard from ENEMY MINE
Re: Battle Beyond the Stars
Reply #29. Posted on December 23, 2009, 10:40:33 PM by SciFiBen
I agree with Tim. The ship always looked like a moose head to me. In fact, it was because of thinking about a moose related thing that I looked up this movie and found this site.
Re: Battle Beyond the Stars
Reply #30. Posted on January 25, 2010, 03:57:02 AM by Chuck Messer
Ah, yes. The summer of 1980 was a dismal one for movies. If it wasn't for Battle and Empire Strikes Back, the highlight of that summer would have been The Nude Bomb.

Based on your recommendation I purchased the two Vernor Vinge books. They look like a good read.

As far as Sador's reason for conquering Akir, I think maybe you're trying to figure out a rational reason for something that wasn't rational. He was just a bully who found a Victim of Opportunity. He did it because it felt good.

Take for example this real-life incident: When I was six years old, I and my class were on our way to some event or other at a nearby school. There were a couple of teachers, and us first-graders walking down the sidewalk like ducklings. We passed by a house with a kid, probably junior high or high school age standing by the sidewalk. He wore glasses and had a cast on his arm. As I walked past, he hit me over the head with his cast. It was a deliberate act, while he looked right at me. Why did the creep do that? Why me?

I was there, and he felt like bashing a little kid half his size over the head.

Sador was picking on the Akira because he could, because he thought it'd be easy. It was no more rational than that.
Re: Battle Beyond the Stars
Reply #31. Posted on February 14, 2010, 09:54:18 AM by Boness
This movie just wasn't amusing enough to warrant 3 slimes in my opinion. There were some good laughs at the start and the occasionally hilarious moments but there is too much mediocre filler. I also wanted to see the main character die a horrible death but I knew he wouldn't.

Before I end I'd just like to say,

"Of course I'm warm, I'm organic!"
Re: Battle Beyond the Stars
Reply #32. Posted on February 21, 2010, 02:33:57 PM by BoyScoutKevin
When I first saw this in the theater in 1980, I didn't much of it, but over the years I have come to reappreciate my opinion, and I have come to the recognition I was wrong for a number of reasons.

(1st) It has a theme that has always resonated for me.

I wrote this a number of years ago, but I have never posted it anywhere until now.

"Any type of fillm can have this film theme. It can be a sports film. It can be science fiction or fantasy, comedy or historical, a western or a war film. It can be an adventure film, a crime film, or a horror film. It can be almost anything, but, it is a film, where the characters don't care about a person's race, religion, sex, or sexual orientation. They don't care whether a person is young or old, rich or poor. They know how to fight, and they are not afraid to die. In fact, most of the time, most of them do not come back, at least alive."

And more specifically . . .

(2nd) How can one dislike a film that includes in the cast Richard Thomas, Robert Vaughn, John Saxon, George Peppard, Darlanne Fluegel, Sybil Danning, Sam Jaffe, Jeff Cory, Morgan Woodward, and Marta Kristen.

(3rd) For a low budget film, it has some quite good action sequences.

3 slimes sounds about right.
Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5
 Share on Facebook
RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


Recommended Articles
How To Find A Bad Movie

The Champions of Justice

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Manos, The Hands of Fate

Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

The Human Tornado

Maniac

The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

Do you have a zombie plan?

FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact
Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with Fair Use, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.