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BARN OF THE BLOOD LLAMA - 3 Slimes
Not Rated
Copyright 1997 Maybe Gravy Productions
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Dr. Albert - Pretty sick dude. He's been having, um, relations with a llama and experiments on them too. Get's two hooves through his chest.
  • Jug - Inbred country dude who always wanted to be a cripple. This is the director and producer by the way...
  • Toni - Very pretty city girl who gets caught up in this mess when she runs over Dr. Albert's lover (It's a llama...).
  • Gibby - Jug's brother, he's looking for a new brain. Looses the top of his skull.
  • Bock - Rock star on a comeback tour, gets electrocuted.
  • Janet, Bea, and Tiffany - Three girls who work at a fast food place, none survive the vicious llamas.
  • Stouker - Tobacco chewing tow truck driver, drinks llama - ugh - spooge and dies. (Long story and I'm NOT getting into it.)
  • Three bowling girls - Fodder.
  • The Blood Llamas - Genetic monsters who hate menstruating women. (Nope, not going to explain that either.)


The Plot: 

Now here is a BAD MOVIE. I'm not talking modern day bad as we know it, I'm talking about Ed Wood without any funding bad. I'm talking about lowering your IQ bad. Not only does this movie hop through plot points like a drunken wombat - it also jumps between color and B&W film. Despite Kevin West's evil goal (Of leaving us with NO CLUE where we are.) we do know what follows. Jug and Gibby run a llama farm called "The World of Wool" and Dr. Albert is working on some projects there. Blessie Sue (Albert's special chunk of wooly tuckus.) is struck by Toni so she ends up waiting at the farm for her car to be fixed. Bock is there getting treatments from Dr. Albert to cure a case of songwriter's block and Janet, Bea, and Tiffany all end up there to star in his new video. Unfortunately something happens (Tiffany's period) and the llamas go beserk! Plenty of often strange and disturbing ideas in this movie folks, not the least of which is Jug and Gibby's references to the latter's relations with their mother. (Ugh, ugh.) The funeral for Blessie Sue was pretty amusing, despite the painful "everyone wave to the casket floating by" scene. (Check out the casket though.) This film is like bad whiskey my friends, don't judge it on the first take - a second shot made it go down alot easier.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • It's always the animal lover who hits some poor llama with their car.
  • Making your "pa" sit in his wheelchair, in the bed of a pickup, wearing a chicken mask, and fishing (with rod and reel) out of dumpsters is wrong.
  • Priests tend to look like one of the "Blues Brothers."
  • People with crutches should not jump rope.
  • Llamas spit toxic cud which looks like silly string and will melt your face off.
  • Eyepatches include complimentary ping pong balls with an "8" painted on it.
  • Men shouldn't tell other men they're "tight as a drum."
  • Jagged can tops make handy throwing stars.
  • Your index finger has a major artery in it.
  • Baby llamas don't spit toxic cud, they spit fire for some reason.
  • Llamas can hold a knife and play the keyboard.
  • Representatives of the Dalai Lama give out brains.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 3 mins - Oh no! It really is "dubbed in English!" HELP! HEEEELLLPPP!
  • 4 mins - A man having sex with a fake llama butt?
  • 7 mins - Getting dizzy from scene and color shifts.
  • 10 mins - Hehehehe! That's a cell phone huh?
  • 20 mins - My goodness, a casket for a quadraped...
  • 24 mins - Um, is that supposed to be his penis or umbilical cord?
  • 33 mins - What did Gibby say? Oh um, thanks...
  • 39 mins - Hey breasts! But those aren't Toni's...
  • 50 mins - A decapitated head! No, it's a fake head, um wait...
  • 52 mins - Toni is having sex with a llama and it's wearing a condom? (Most of this is inferred.)
  • 54 mins - Llama buttermilk, I don't think so.
  • 60 mins - Gibby has GOT TO STOP TALKING ABOUT DOING HIS MOM.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note bloodllama1.wav Jug: "You having fun running over our local wildlife?"
Green Music Note bloodllama2.wav Dr. Albert: "You call yourself an animal lover? You don't know the meaning of the word. Maybe you should get a bumper sticker that reads 'Practice Random Acts of Violence and Senseless Cruelty!'"
Green Music Note bloodllama3.wav Toni: "Does everything in Texas spit toxic cud?"
Green Music Note bloodllama4.wav Dalai Lama Rep: "When you ask for something as special as a brain even Buddha is going to give you the run around."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

ImageImageImage
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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipbloodllama1.mpg - .8m
PO'd llama!

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3
Barn of the Blood Llama
Reply #1. Posted on March 16, 1999, 09:24:36 PM by Celt Sox@aol
what a great plot. Acid spitting lamas. Hey the writer was probable on acid when he came up with this script. How did you guys find this poor excues of film any way. I have seen better film on my teath. Yet this site is great full of funny stuff. Beware the Lamas!
Barn of the Blood Llama
Reply #2. Posted on March 24, 1999, 10:02:40 AM by William
   This is the best "bad" movie I have ever seen!  The acid-spitting llamas are great!  Even so, it is not for all tastes.
Barn of the Blood Llama
Reply #3. Posted on April 02, 1999, 06:50:36 PM by sscob@eartlink.net
Probably would have spent more time exploring this site ( B.O.B.Llamas ) if that goddamn yahoo wasn't singing "Momma loves a Llama" the whole time ...It's enough to make Charles Manson go straight.
Barn of the Blood Llama
Reply #4. Posted on January 21, 2000, 10:25:27 PM by M.T.
Question to Andrew the Reviewer - Did you get a special version of this movie? When I watched BOTBL alot of the scenes and pictures you have there are in color, meanwhile the one I have they are black-and-white.. BTW: I thought Barn was one of the funniest movies I've ever seen in my life, I truely hope some film company sees this movie someday and buys it so people could rent this at video stores and then Mr. West could someday get the recognition he deserves. Also I can't wait for Rowdy Round-Up: Night of the Killer Pinatas as mentioned below!
Barn of the Blood Llama
Reply #5. Posted on February 08, 2000, 10:04:31 PM by fenris@badmovies.org
I do not believe it was a special version, Kevin West contacted me over a year ago and then sent me the screener, perhaps it changed some before he settled on the movie?  Best bet:  Hop over to the Barn of the Blood Llama website and shoot him an email.
Barn of the Blood Llama
Reply #6. Posted on March 10, 2000, 02:11:53 PM by Ronald Reagan
Yes, the llamas were fascinating.
Barn of the Blood Llama
Reply #7. Posted on May 23, 2000, 08:35:02 PM by w00t
This is one of the strangest movies I ever seen in my life. I'll admit, one unique thing is the plot, I wouldn't be suprised if the writer for this film dropped acid before writing the script for this movie. This movie featured some of the most bizarre scenes and ideas in film history. I was sort of expecting this movie to be more of a horror than a comedy. The F/X were so poorly done, it just didn't give you that horror movie feel. Im guessing all of the actors had no acting ability at all, since the editor dubbed over EVERY SINGLE character in the movie, I don't think thats ever been done with a American made film.
Barn of the Blood Llama
Reply #8. Posted on August 24, 2000, 04:34:54 PM by D.A.F
There's three words that come to mind with this movie: Seriously !@#@$ up! anyone who is willing to make whopski with a Llama gets points in my book! Other than that...this movie stinks
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