Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"

Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT


THE CRIPPLED MASTERS - 4 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1982 New Line Productions.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Lee Ho - Warrior for Ling Chang Kung, has his arms removed for some reason.
  • Kung Suh Ching - Another warrior who has acid poured on his legs for "knowing too much."
  • A Pao - Provincial government official sent to stop Ling Chang Kung.
  • Master - Old Kung Fu master, he decides to teach Lee Ho and Kung Suh Ching martial arts and harmony.
  • Mr. Pao - Goon for Ling Chang Kung who spends the movie getting beat up.
  • Black and White - Two warriors working for Ling Chang Kung, Black is the dude with the eyebrows.
  • Ling Chang Kung - Evil warlord with a metal hump on his back. (I dunno, don't ask me.)

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Who in the world came up with the premise of two kung fu masters overcoming terrible physical disabilities and defeating the forces of an evil warlord (at times not even single handed)? Rhetorical question in a country with what must be a generous supply of opiates I'm sure.

Ling Chang Kung is a merciless ruler, disposing of his retainers' limbs at the slightest provocation and using his superior fighting skills to smash any opposition. Apparently born with a ferrous lump in his back, the warlord is an amazing example of "hunch fu." That would be using your metallic hunchback to block attacks and even deliver devastating counter strikes! Hehehehehe!

Wait! It gets even better! Our two heroes are overcoming their recent pruning by Ling Chang Kung and are accomplished warriors in their own right. Under the careful physical therapy of the Master (who spends his off time folded up inside of wicker baskets) they have perfected handicap fu! Kung Suh Ching and Lee Ho are truly amazing, just watching the latter twirl around a bamboo staff without any arms is impressive, but then he starts kicking the crap out of bad guys!

With A Pao's help the pair steal the Eight Jade Horses from Ling Chang Kung. With these ancient figurines they hope to learn unbeatable kung fu, which will be needed after their hiding place is discovered. Maybe I'm being a bit charitable in saying "hiding place," since we are talking about pre-contact China. More like their hut is out in the middle of nowhere, so who is going to find them anyway?

The fight scenes are completely over the top, as you would expect with the styles previously described, and the dubbed dialog is standard for the genre (which means silly). All of this makes for a great deal of mindless fun which should offend your sensibilities, but be impossible not to chuckle during.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Having both your arms cut off produces very little blood.
  • A removed arm will leave a, well um, heck - it's a nub.
  • Dramatic music doesn't go well with close-ups of rice.
  • Evil warlords tend to be deformed, have a hunchback, or sport some weird thing under the eye - that sort of stuff.
  • Feudal China possessed concentrated acid capable of rendering a man legless.
  • Antique shops specializing in ceramics are seldom successful in fu flicks.
  • Kung Fu kicks or punches make sounds like beating curtains with a broom.
  • Everybody in China knows kung fu and are measured by their prowess.
  • A man walking on his hands can outrun most guards.
  • It is possible to beat someone to death with your ass or humped back.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • Opening scenes - Oh boy, dubbing is going to be an issue, buckle up friends.
  • 26 mins - You're looking at the beginning of hackey sack.
  • 30 mins - Why do these fight scenes seem so jumpy? It's almost like they shoot some film, stop, then try to get back in the same places and start again...
  • 30 mins - Notice the metallic "tang" sound every time he gets hit on the hump.
  • 52 mins - Kung Suh Ching is kicking butt with a wicker hat?
  • 64 mins - Wiggly camera!
  • 77 mins - Look out, he'll hit you with the hump! Oops, too late.
  • 80 mins - A basket just rolls into the room and these rocket scientists think there might be jewels or gold in it?

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note cripmasters1.wav Lee Ho: "I don't know what I can say, but if I don't die, I will be a success."
Green Music Note cripmasters2.wav Ling Chang Kung: "You fool! Let me show you how to collect rent."
Green Music Note cripmasters3.wav Ling Chang Kung: "You are normally very stupid, but this time you have devised a very good plan."
Green Music Note cripmasters4.wav Master: "Eight Jade Horses hold many secrets. If one can only understand them and use them, a man could create unbeatable kung fu."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

ImageImageImage
ImageImageImage
Image


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipcripmasters1.mpg - 2.8m
Black and White try to take on the Crippled Masters, this is a true example of "two arms and legs are not better than none."

 Leave a commentEXTRASBuy the movie 

Share It!Buy the movieIMDB Logo
Stumble This ReviewStumble This Review
Digg This ReviewDigg This Review
Buy it from Amazon.com (United States)

Internet Movie Database


Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6
The Crippled Masters
Reply #25. Posted on August 19, 2002, 04:36:18 PM by The Argonaut
Ok, well what can you say about a movie that is as grotesque as well as entertaining. I liked this movie for the simple fact that it is entertaining. Belive what you see for special effects were not possible to make these two guys fight the way they do. b***h slapped by a nubbly hand, or bitten ankle style, this movie is a keeper!
The Crippled Masters
Reply #26. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by Matt S
I watched this film after a stag party some years ago and until now doubted its existence. It seemed the kind of fantasy / illusion brought on by drinking too much bleach (if there is such a limit) Well done to these fellas, despite the glaringly obvious shortfalls of the plot and action sequences it has remained my only topic of conversation for many years.........

A must see film.  *****
The Crippled Masters
Reply #27. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Lee
Well,i came to this site because of a movie based on "Dragonball" and i became really interested in these bad movies. I remember when i was around 10 or 9(im 15 now).I used to stay up late and watch this tv show on TNT,i cant remember the name but it had weird in it; I also remember there was a host and he'd always be drinking coffe and talking about the movie. Ive watched this movie and a lot others on the tv show,because of this site ive rediscovered my love for weird and funny movies. I remember this movie and i thought it was very entertaining, it was the movie that got me into martial arts movies.
The Crippled Masters
Reply #28. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Nate
Goofy fun yes, but truly scary to sit and watch the horrible black, rotted front teeth on the two cripples.......that's the most unsettling thing in a kung-fu flick you'll probably ever see.............yeeaach!

Also, notice during the final fight with the scarred/hunchbacked baddie that the entire scene suddenly shifts from the baddies palatial estate to the cripples' forest hide-away!

I found this title on DVD at Suncoast btw.
The Crippled Masters
Reply #29. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Bardley
The first time I watched it, riveted, I thought, "This is some sick s**t!"  The second time, I thought it a work of genius.  I was right both times.  Evil Ferrous Hump has nothing but good lines, check: "Well you doing seem to like living very much."  "What's that?!  Hahahaha!  I don't know what you're talking about!"  And, after burning the legs off Kung Suh Ching, "Don't look at me like that."  Listen for the moments when the sound effects indicate augmented super-kung fu, like when Legless does the copter effect.  
The Crippled Masters
Reply #30. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Purity Control
FWIW, you can now find this film on DVD in a 2-disc, 4-flick cheapo set put out by Brentwood Communications entitled "Kung Fu Wars".  $5.99 for the set at Best Buy, which effectively comes out to $1.50 for this legendary piece of kung fu cinema.  Full frame transfer, probably from a VHS, but who cares?  :)
The Crippled Masters
Reply #31. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Dini
Holy crap son...this movie is one of the best things I've ever seen. My favourite part is where the little old man in the basket randomly rolls into the room and all the bad guys assume there are vast riches in it. I also like learning how little blood hacking off someone's arms causes. A movie by the twisted, for the twisted.
The Crippled Masters
Reply #32. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Will Sloan
When the armless guy started twirling the bamboo stick with his deformed stump, my jaw dropped to the floor and hasn't come back up since. Simply the most unforgettable scene in motion picture history.
Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6
 Share on Facebook
RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


Recommended Articles
How To Find A Bad Movie

The Champions of Justice

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Manos, The Hands of Fate

Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

The Human Tornado

Maniac

The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

Do you have a zombie plan?

FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact
Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with Fair Use, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.