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GAMERA VS GUIRON - 4 Slimes
Rated G
Copyright 1969 Daiei
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Gamera - Everybody's favorite jet propelled turtle and protector of all children, even bald ones.
  • Akio - Young Japanese boy who believes in aliens, especially after they shave his head.
  • Tommy - American boy who can hit a button with a suction cup pistol from ten yards. Oh, and by the way Tommy, your mom is woof-dog ugly.
  • Tomoko - Akio's little sister, she's smart enough not to get on board flying saucers.
  • Kondo - Goofy police officer.
  • Barbella and Florella - Two outer space chicks who love to eat brains, especially fresh young ones. Barbella zaps her friend then gets in the way of a stray missile.
  • Gaos - Huge bird monster, chopped into stir fry by Guiron.
  • Guiron - The solar system's largest paring knife, broken in half by Gamera.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Gamera has fought some darn silly opponents, not the least of which is this one. Take a Bulldog and strap the largest kitchen knife you have to it's head, that's Guiron. (Actually kids, do not strap a kitchen knife to a Bulldog's head - though I honestly doubt any court would hear your case, our judicial system is pretty whacked at times.)

Akio and Tommy find a flying saucer, so they climb aboard and start fooling with the controls. When it lifts off Tomoko is left wondering what to tell mom, while the two astronauts are experiencing some mild anxiety, until Gamera shows up. The big turtle comes motoring through space, propelled by flames from his rear end, intending to take the kids back home. The saucer has other ideas, leaving Gamera behind and bringing the boys to an advanced world guarded by Guiron.

The planet's (it's on the mirror side of the Sun from us) only inhabitants are a pair of space women who plan on eating some fresh brains, then fleeing to Earth. It seems that a horde of Gaos are slowly destroying their world and the planet climate control system is degenerating to boot. I tell you, when it rains it pours. Lucky for Akio Gamera arrives just in time, the two cranium craving coeds were ready to split his newly shaved grape and dig in.

Unfortunately for Gamera he wasn't quite ready for an huge rubber carving knife to come jumping at him (Okay, I'm here and... ...WHAT IN THE HECK IS THAT?), he tumbles into a nearby lake after being pummeled. Following a brief rest we see the overgrown Macroclemys Temminckii back for more, and putting Mary Lou Retton to shame! He's kinda shaped like her too.

Dubbed Kaiju films are always a blast and this one is no exception, plenty of goofy lines to amuse you.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Advanced civilizations have perfect driving records.
  • Toy sucker cup shooting pistols are pretty powerful.
  • Japanese police shave little kid's heads when they are bad.
  • Gamera likes to drag race.
  • Monsters cause water to flow uphill.
  • Aliens talk in fast forward.
  • Huge monsters know how to use throwing stars.
  • If somebody will not wake up you should punch them in the forehead.
  • Turtles are naturally agile and experts on the parallel bars.
  • Gamera has a sexy butt... (Hey, they had to show it to me.)

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - What about Uranus? (Hehe, um, silly joke - sorry.)
  • 12 mins - Is that kid wearing thigh-high socks and daisy dukes? Who dressed him? Did RuPaul go back in time and dress him?
  • 16 mins - Now these are some awesome special effects.
  • 21 mins - Earth is a planet, not a star, you moron.
  • 28 mins - Nothing like an inconspicuous BLINKING ORANGE security camera.
  • 30 mins - Are those neon hula-hoops?
  • 48 mins - What are you kids drinking, it sure isn't milk.
  • 60 mins - You know, they really should have a big "Beware of the Dog" sign or something.
  • 75 mins - What is that blinking belt thing of hers anyway, a fertility meter?

Quotes: 

  • Kondo: "Remember, the next time, if you are naughty again, I'll shave your heads!"
    Kids: "Ewww."
  • Barbella: "And we can't waste any time, because while they are sleeping we'll eat their brains raw."

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note gamvsguiron1.wav Guiron roaring.
Green Music Note gamvsguiron2.wav Akio: "What a superior civilization. You know, I looked in my telescope every day, and I thought there'd be a perfect planet, without work, or wars, and traffic accidents, and I've been believing it up to this day."
Green Music Note gamvsguiron3.wav Barbella: "Let's eat the kids later, and let's fix the spacecraft first."
Green Music Note gamvsguiron4.wav Scientist: "Gamera is heading this way with a spaceship in his mouth!"
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

ImageImageImage
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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipgamvsguiron1.mpg - 2.8m
Gamera on the parallel bars, can he stick the landing? You can reach down and pick your jaw up now. Stuff like this happens all the time in Gamera movies.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 ... 3 4 [5] 6
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #33. Posted on August 04, 2010, 11:30:37 PM by George
I have a somewhat good VHS tape of Attack of the Monsters,you might say I was the first one to put the Sandy Frank 2mins. of Gurion chopping Gaos onto the AIP version,I asked Fred Olen Ray why he didn't put that in his Gamera double feature with Destroy All Planets,he told me he wasn't allowed to tamper with Sandy Frank films,to this day I have my doughts about that.

However with Keith Picozzi it was different,I gave him that 2mins. and he put it in his AIP version,I also gave him the best AIP X-From Outer Space.

He told me he wasn't feeling well and I don't know what if anything if he's still with us or not,Showa Video's changed hands and now it's impossible to get into the websight.

But the last things he did for me were this,he told me to give him the best of my War of the Monsters,and he'd combined it with the best of his,the result,I now have the best true color AIP WOTMs one else will ever see likewise the RKO Mysterains and the real AIP Frankenstine Conquers the World.
My only regret is not giving him my War of the Gargantuas and Godzilla vs. The Thing videos.

Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #34. Posted on August 04, 2010, 11:50:54 PM by judge death
What was the gamera movie where he fought a giant lizard that hatched from an opal, show rainbows of destruction from glowing spines on it's back and blew ice mist from it's tongue? Didn't it eat someone alive in that movie?

BTW, can I get a good image of gamera?  I'd like to do a RPG poster that has a pic of gamera with a caption that reads "GM BURNOUT: When the GMs newest monster is a giant, boar tusked, jet propelled, flying, fire breathing turtle, it's time for him to take a break."
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #35. Posted on August 05, 2010, 01:14:23 AM by George
To Judge Death it's the second Gamera movie called War of the Monsters,Barugon hatched out of the egg Onadara left under a heatlamp,thinking it was an opel.

Other lizard type monsters Gamera fought were Gurion,Jagir and Zedous.

Jagir forced an egg into Gameras body and two boys went through his body to find and destroy the small monster and help revive Gamera to fight Monster-X before he destroyed the Expo 70 sight.
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #36. Posted on August 05, 2010, 01:20:15 AM by George
Oh I forgot,Barugon ate the afore mentioned Onadara,who stole the diamond they were trying to lure Barugon into Lake Bea Wha with.
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #37. Posted on August 05, 2010, 02:21:17 AM by judge death
Thanks, george. You can quote messages here if you're replying to them, BTW.
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #38. Posted on August 05, 2010, 07:27:37 PM by George
You are welcome JD,glad to have been of admirable service!.
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #39. Posted on August 06, 2010, 12:01:28 AM by judge death
Good god, I remember being a snotling and thinking the rainbow ray that came off the lizard's back was the mos awesomely beautiful amazing thing in the entire universe.

Now I look back at it and shudder.

The scene where the guy gets et was actually pretty gruesome and shocking for those days, and in some ways still is. Surprised they let that in a kids movie.

Say, unless that giant lizard could digest diamonds, shouldn't it have come out in a day or so in a big pile of human based feces?

Yeah, yeah, I know. Yuk! (We really need a barfing smiley, you know.)
Re: Gamera vs Guiron
Reply #40. Posted on August 09, 2010, 08:40:12 PM by George
War of the Monsters was never intended to be a child oriented vehicle,but who knows perhaps from the rotting flesh and decaying skulls of dead faces may come forth another Barugon,someday.

Anyway,I don't know what's happened to Keith Picozzi,but Showa Video's changed hands and for some reason the site is impossible to get into,so that means if you wanted the complete AIP version,(with the Sandy Frank 2mins of Gurion chopping Gaos),I hope everyone got it before this happened,I don't know why Retromedia or Alpha Video didn't put that 2mins from the SF version into the AIP version,Keith and I did.
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