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GODZILLA 2000 - 2 Slimes
Rated PG
Copyright 1999 Toho Pictures
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 21 February 2009

The Characters:  

  • Shinoda - Apparently, living and working out of a studio loft apartment while your lifetime scientific rival sips chardonnay with the heads of state and flies around in a helicopter is a feather in your cap.
  • Yuki - For this woman, a lead-lined, professional grade, digital SLR camera is the Holy Grail.
  • Io - The first thing that she did after this movie was over was to take out a life insurance policy on her dad.
  • Katagiri - Everybody knew that he would go far due to his incredibly intense stare. It is the stare of a man who is going places. His secret is that he uses coffee in place of Visine, and that his eyelids have been surgically removed. Squished.
  • Miyasaka - You little toad.
  • Godzilla - He is going to rock Japan just like a hurricane. Except...Japan does not have to worry about hurricanes, they get typhoons. If a hurricane ever showed up in Japan, it would probably be lost and looking to buy a cheap GPS.
  • Orga - Giant monster that dies spectacularly when it tries to swallow Godzilla whole. Let me say that again: it tries to swallow Godzilla whole. Anybody confused as to why this thing is dead? No? Good.
  • The Flying Blue Nose from Outer Space - Wow, dumb.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Godzilla is a force of nature (8/8 trample, and all that) incarnated as a towering radioactive monster. When on a rampage, and he only visits Japan when he is in the mood to rampage, he is as destructive as any typhoon, earthquake, or tsunami. In fact, he could be more dangerous due to his unpredictability. An earthquake can level a city, leaving just rubble and refugees. The difference is that Godzilla is liable to return to stomp on all of the people who thought they were safe because there weren't any buildings left to collapse on them. Earthquakes don't do that.

Godzilla taking a leisurely stroll from Tokyo to Kyoto would be enough to make the utility companies lobby the government for the power to draft workers to repair downed electrical lines, cause a salivating Pavlov reaction in construction company CEOs, and inspire thousands of suicides among insurance underwriters. I always wonder if homeowners' policies in Japan require special coverage to insure against losses caused by giant monsters. Even worse, what if you need separate coverage for each different monster? "Oh, I'm sorry. Your plan only covered losses by Godzilla, Manda, Ghidrah, Gigan, or Anguirus. You are not insured against Baragon."

So, an interesting idea in "Godzilla 2000" is the Godzilla Prediction Network (GPN), which is a cousin to the storm chasers who hunt tornados. Shinoda and Io are the heart of the network, and the father-daughter team is very successful at predicting when and where Godzilla will come ashore. The Godzilla chasers want to understand what makes Godzilla tick, and why the giant monster is compelled to smash Tokyo flat every couple of years. What causes the rampages? Mrs. G getting on his nerves? His favorite team losing a game? Does Godzilla just wake up one morning and say to himself, "I hate people?"

Personally, I am voting for "I hate people."

The first half of the movie features Shinoda, Yuki, and Io chasing after Godzilla as the reptilian behemoth visits death and destruction on Japan once more. The Godzilla suit is excellent, and there are some beautiful shots of Godzilla stomping along, wrecking everything in his path. Actually, most of the scenes in the movie that show Godzilla are excellent. Unfortunately, there are a couple of scenes that look terrible. Anything with the meteorite (more on that stupid rock in a minute) looks awful, and there is one special effects shot of an attack helicopter launching missiles at Godzilla that looks so bad I wish I had never seen it to begin with.

Overall though, the blending of man-in-a-suit, real footage, and special effects is very good.

Godzilla comes ashore again, and nothing is stopping the king of monsters. Aquatic mines are useless, attack helicopters do not have any effect, tanks do not slow him down, he completely ignores the jet fighters, and the new Godzilla-piercing missiles...OK, those kind of hurt. Godzilla is not happy about the Godzilla-piercing missiles. Most of Japan stays glued to their televisions watching special reports on Godzilla, but Katagiri and Miyasaka are preoccupied by a huge meteorite that was found on the ocean floor. Raising the massive object to the surface causes an unexpected reaction: the meteorite levitates out of the water itself. Turns out that the meteorite is actually a solar-powered spaceship. It soaks up the sun's rays for a while, then zips off toward the Japanese mainland. When it arrives, the spaceship gets into a fight with Godzilla. The monster and the extraterrestrial craft blast each other. Godzilla swims off to recuperate, while the mysterious visitor from outer space sheds its rocky covering to reveal a sleek blue ship that is unconventional in its design.

The alien spaceship looks like a flying saucer with a big blue nose. Weird. Even weirder than that is the fact that Godzilla has the microscopic equivalent of magic elves in his blood. The "Regenerator G1" cells repair almost any damage immediately. The little magic elves are the reason that the flying blue nose is after Godzilla.

Did I really just type that last sentence?

Can your hearts stand the shocking truth about computer hackers from outer space? I ask because the spaceship parks itself atop a Shinjuku skyscraper and starts accessing the city's computer systems, all of them. The alien intelligence is searching for information about Godzilla. Shinoda tries to discover what the alien is after, but he almost gets killed when Katagiri orders the spaceship blown to kingdom come. The forty trillion candlepower plasma spotlight bombs obliterate the top few floors of the skyscraper; the spaceship is unscathed.

By this time, Godzilla is done taking a break. He shows up, angry at the flying nose from outer space. Unfortunately, there probably is not any way to have an interesting fight between a flying blue nose and Godzilla. This film is proof of that. Even after the spaceship knocks Godzilla down and steals a sample of Regenerator G1 to get pregnant, the movie does not get any better. The product of alien DNA combined with Regenerator G1 is a massive alien monster called Orga. The Orga suit looks terrible, and it is so massive that the actor inside can barely move. Orga basically has two attacks. One is to hunch over and shoot some sort of energy beam. The second is a comically bad haymaker.

Meanwhile, Godzilla blasts the spaceship and destroys most of it. Now the darn thing really does look like a flying nose! I am thankful that Godzilla finally destroyed the rest of that hideous special effect construction and put it out of its misery. I am even more thankful that Godzilla showed Orga why snakes never try to swallow radioactive fire-breathing lizards. As for what Godzilla does to Katagiri - well, I think that we all knew that was coming.

Out of everybody in this film, I feel sorry for Yuki. Her attempts to take pictures of Godzilla are doomed to failure, because she keeps getting too close to the radioactive monster. The film is destroyed by the radiation whenever that happens! You know, it might be a good idea for Yuki to get a mammogram in the near future. Her employer's health insurance program should cover it.

While the GPN is following Godzilla, the human part of the story is acceptable, but it feels like filler once Shinoda starts investigating Regenerator G1 in the laboratory. That old filler feeling is even worse when he sneaks into the skyscraper to spy on the alien's computer hacking efforts. As usual, the real reason to watch a Godzilla movie is Godzilla himself. We all want to revel in his destructive nature. I loved the scenes of Godzilla stomping around, making a nuisance of himself to anybody not smart enough to get out from underfoot. The same cannot be said of Godzilla's battles against the flying blue nose and Orga; those are not interesting.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Godzilla thinks that boats are for playing fetch.
  • Auto safety glass is not designed to withstand halitosis.
  • Destroying Tokyo on a regular basis is just Godzilla's way of promoting green energy.
  • The Blue Angels were formed to develop practical uses for synchronized aerobatics in combat situations.
  • Nobody likes a tailgater.
  • Every skyscraper needs a "No Parking" sign on the roof.
  • Installing optical fiber in your house is about as safe as licking a used handkerchief.
  • The worst thing about being a heartless government bastard is having to subsidize FTD Florists with your paycheck.
  • In the event of a UFO gravity cannon, avoid the stairs and use the elevator shaft.
  • Godzilla hates people that can't parallel park.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - Dude, you need to find a convenience store and buy yourself a lottery ticket.
  • 7 mins - Did you have to shine it in his eyes? Was there any doubt about what you were looking at?
  • 11 mins - It's a Japanese man, dubbed in English, speaking French. Freaky.
  • 23 mins - Were you two an item at one time?
  • 38 mins - If you are trying to guess Godzilla's age by counting the layers of sediment...I think that I have found a flaw in your technique.
  • 48 mins - What idiot attached the tethers to the bridge?
  • 60 mins - Those are either bombs or a special edition of "Stratego."
  • 68 mins - Do not ask me how it is that Shinoda still has hands, let alone skin on those hands, left. I don't know.
  • 69 mins - The look she just gave him means **Splooter!**
  • 75 mins - Did the flying saucer just hit a cat?

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note godzilla2k1.wav Yuki: "Are you sure he's going to come?"
Shinoda: "Hope so. Don't want to disappoint a big shot reporter like you."
Yuki: "I've really got to get some great pictures of him."
Green Music Note godzilla2k2.wav Katagiri: "This is Katagiri of Crisis Control. Godzilla is heading for Tokai as we speak. Shut down all your reactors immediately."
Technician: "Are you crazy? I don't have the authority."
Katagiri: "You do now, and as head of the Crisis Control agency, I'm giving you authorization. Now shut down those reactors!"
Green Music Note godzilla2k3.wav Miyasaka: "I'm convinced that this vessel comes from another galaxy."
Bureaucrat: "A visitor from outer space? My God, it's just too crazy to believe."
Miyasaka: "Right. Like Godzilla's normal."
Green Music Note godzilla2k4.wav Yuki: "But then, why? Why does he keep protecting us?"
Shinoda: "Maybe because...Godzilla is inside each one of us."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipgodzilla2k1.mpg - 5.1m
The Japanese military is using every weapon at their disposal to stop Godzilla, even the flight demonstration team.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 [2] 3
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #9. Posted on February 24, 2009, 05:47:17 PM by Flangepart
Godzilla movies are mental comfort food for me. This one is the colaflower yet with a good spinich dip.
Nerd point : AIM-9 Sidewinder do not drop off the launch rails, they just slide forword and go. Also, with 15 lb warheads...not a lot of bang for the bock, kaiju wise.
Another goodie, Andrew.
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #10. Posted on February 24, 2009, 07:21:47 PM by Andrew
I made a banner for you:




The magic blue elves from outer space, in their flying blue nose.  Now the movie makes sense.  Yes, I'm being serious.  It makes more sense than the rest of the flying alien blue nose plot.

Ha!!!!  I block your 8/8 Godzilla with my Shivan Dragon, pump 3 red mana into its firebreathing and kill your Force of Nature.  Sure, I lose 3 life, but it's worth it.

Wait a sec...isn't Force of Nature the one that hurts you...dang it!!!


The main problem is that Godzilla would probably have howl from beyond, berserk, and fork on him when he attacks.  I remember seeing a kurd ape that caused over 200 damage, just because everybody at the table suddenly decided to see just how big a kurd ape could get.  I have not played Magic: The Gathering for probably ten years, but I do still have an alpha lord of the pit somewhere in a protective case.  Loved that card.  All black and ominious.

Theyve been showing this one one of movie channels, and I think its one of the better of the new series of Godzilla movies.  When you think about it, their would be people who would chase giant monsters the way they would case tornadoes, of whale watch. (Sort of a hybrid of the two)

You'd think Orga would have been a better opponent for Godzilla though, considering that he supposedly has the mind of an advance alien species.  He was either driven to beastial intellegence by Godzilla's DNA-or he was the equivalent of a test chimp.


I liked the storm chasers angle.  My main issue was that the special effects could be uneven, and that Godzilla's opponents (the blue nose and Orga) were not satisfying in the least.  Maybe if the opponents had been a number of flying saucers, then the plot could have remained largely the same.  The human plot stopped being interesting around the time that Shinoda tried to find out what the aliens were looking for in the computer system.  Of course they want to know about Godzilla.  Everything else they found on the planet was mediocre.  "Hairless apes, hairless apes driving cars, hairless apes on cell phones...hey, what the heck is that thing?"

This movie is okay, but alot of the cgi scenes look terrible. All in all its not as terrible as say godzillas revenge, and the story blows my mind everytime i hear it, but hey its a godzilla movie i don't want a story i want a giant monster destroying stuff! That banner below me is pure genius!


Probably my least favorite Godzilla movie, but it's squarely targeted at children.  Godzilla movies seem to be more adult-oriented.

Theyve been showing this one one of movie channels, and I think its one of the better of the new series of Godzilla movies.  When you think about it, their would be people who would chase giant monsters the way they would case tornadoes, of whale watch. (Sort of a hybrid of the two)

You'd think Orga would have been a better opponent for Godzilla though, considering that he supposedly has the mind of an advance alien species.  He was either driven to beastial intellegence by Godzilla's DNA-or he was the equivalent of a test chimp.


There are some great destruction scenes in the 1992 Godzilla vs. Mothra.  Godzilla fighting the futuristic army and Mothra charging through the blockade of ships are some of my favorites.  Overall, I tend to like models blowing up.  "Real" special effects.  It seems like model work is more forgiving than CGI when something does not come out quite right.

Two things, well 3...
1) I LOVE KAIJU- thanke for the review
2) If he was a japanese male my brother would look just like Katagiri
3) I took a girl to this film on a first date, there was a second date, but there was a disticnct lack of ethusiasm. 


I have a story about a first date that involved seeing "Man's Best Friend."  There was never a second date...
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #11. Posted on February 24, 2009, 10:43:46 PM by Torgo
I saw this one in theaters back when it originally came out.  Not the worst Godzilla movie that I've seen but far from being the best either.

They should have  just stuck at this point with practical effects work instead of trying to intergrate CGI into the mix as the CGI stuff just looked terrible.
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #12. Posted on February 25, 2009, 04:17:53 AM by Trevor
Quote
Yes, even those of you who think that a flying blue nose from outer space is out to get you.

 BounceGiggle TeddyR BounceGiggle That would be me, I think.  Cheers
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #13. Posted on February 25, 2009, 05:29:07 AM by Tom
My favourite part was what happened after Shinoda uttered that ridiculous line about there being a little Godzilla in all of us. As if sensing instinctively that somebody had said something nice about him, Godzilla immediately turned around and set fire to half the city with a single breath.

Roll credits.
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #14. Posted on February 25, 2009, 05:51:10 PM by Ash
Ha!!!!  I block your 8/8 Godzilla with my Shivan Dragon, pump 3 red mana into its firebreathing and kill your Force of Nature.  Sure, I lose 3 life, but it's worth it.

Wait a sec...isn't Force of Nature the one that hurts you...dang it!!!


Heh!  8/8 trample is too weak!

This is more like it.   Thumbup
(I made this card last year)




By the way, I also own a Lord of the Pit.
Not sure if it's an Alpha, though. 
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #15. Posted on February 26, 2009, 01:16:09 AM by Jordan
I remember seeing this when it had a brief theatrical run in the U.S. I was f*cking stoked! I grabbed some friends (who weren't keen on the idea of seeing the flick) and went in with huge expectations. In the end.... THEY had more fun watching it than I did. (Mainly because I was trying to sort out how it all went wrong while they poked fun at the flick.)

I watched it recently and though I liked it more than my first viewing, Godzilla 2000 is probably my least favorite Goji-flick. (Truthfully, if I had the choice, I would actually watch "Godzilla's Revenge" instead.) Then again, I wasn't a big fan of "Godzilla vs. Megaguirus" either......

The inclusion of CGI, well before it was "mastered," definitely hurts this flick, but not as much as the awful "flying nostril of destruction." I have the U.S. cut, but I would definitely like to give the Jap cut a go, as there are apparently a few differences.
Re: Godzilla 2000
Reply #16. Posted on February 26, 2009, 12:29:07 PM by Andoc
I love this film, the blue nose is ludicrous and incredibly fun to watch. Slogra was ok, just so bulky that it didn't feel like a real menace.

And... if Godzilla is inside every one of us, how come I can't shoot radioactive beams out of my mouth?
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