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HAWK THE SLAYER - 4 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1980 Marcel/Robertson Productions Limited
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Hawk - Noble warrior who uses a special sword powered by elven magics. Apparently it protects and guides him, unfortunately this protection does not extend to his companions.
  • Gort - Giant of a man, he employs an impressive looking maul. Not the sort of thing you want connecting with your brain housing group.
  • Baldin - Dwarf who has some hygiene problems, using a whip to catch raw fish for consumption is among the least of them. Gets a dagger in the ribs and ends up as the dead dwarf in the bubble.
  • Crow - Last of the elves and his archery skills could put William Tell to shame. Whenever he speaks it reminds me of a dimwitted Vulcan.
  • Ranulf - Grizzled fighter with only one hand, he employs a rapid fire crossbow, it actually takes a clip of bolts, much like an assault rifle! Killed by Voltan.
  • Woman - Don't look at me, that is all they ever call her. She is some sort of good witch that Hawk saves from being burned at the stake. Has a bag of glow in the dark tricks up her sleeves.
  • Elaine - Hawk's beautiful (cough) wife, killed by Voltan.
  • Lots of Evil Guys - Dead meat, oh are they ever dead meat.
  • Drogo - Voltan's adopted son who just wanted daddy to respect him as a warrior. Killed by Hawk.
  • Voltan - Jack Palance! Evil brother to the noble Hawk, an iron helm hides the hideous disfigurement of his face caused by Elaine sticking a torch into his eye. Not that anything women do is like having a flaming brand stuck in your socket mind you. Cut down by Hawk.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

The cover art looks pretty average for a sword and sorcery flick and we all expect some goofy "magical" effects, but when those two glowing hula hoops appear all bets are off. Of course Hawk and Ranulf's journey through the haunted forest could be considered fair warning, it's just that the hula hoops mark where I believe the director began dropping acid during shoots.

Years ago Voltan killed the wise and good king, at least I think he was a king. Maybe I'm taking too much for granted, if he was all that wise then he would have tossed his evil brat down a well long ago. Now the wicked swordsman is terrorizing the countryside, burning Ranulf's village and taking the Abbess prisoner. Only a powerful group of heroes can stop the spread of evil and only one man can lead them, Ranulf transforms into a single handed bloodhound and locates Hawk in under two scenes. Using the good witch's magic to quickly assemble a formidable party allows for character development, but some hooded guy walking in and reasoning, "You all meet in a tavern." would have been just as coherent.

Okay, we have our warriors and evil forces to oppose them, what could possibly be missing? (here plot, here plot, come here boy) Hold on a minute, the evil guys want a hefty ransom for the Abbess' safe return, the party will have to battle a group of rich and vicious slavers for the gold. That was little problem, but when Drogo takes it upon himself to confront Hawk a fight ensues and the result (dead Drogo) sets Voltan off.

Jack Palance's character has had a difficult life. First the woman he desires weds Hawk, then she burns half his face off, when he tries to kill his goody goody brother with a crossbow she manages to get in the way and now this, the darn kid he had to adopt and raise as a son (funny thing, no woman wants to marry a guy with scar tissue for the left side of his face) gets sent to the big orphanage in the sky.

Finally the two brothers do cross swords in a very lopsided ticket. Hawk wields the "Elven Mindstone Blade of Jack Palance Slaying and General Whoopass" and the outcome is pretty much a forgone conclusion. The ending almost shoves the idea of sequel in you face, but I can not imagine any act to follow the very special film that is "Hawk the Slayer."

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • The old king will always hang on long enough to bequeath his legacy onto the good son, even after being stabbed through the heart with a sword.
  • Evil armies sing happy little tunes while hacking up women and children.
  • Boa Constrictors live in temperate forests.
  • Witches can summon glowing hula hoops to teleport people across vast distances.
  • Hare Krishnas hate dwarves.
  • Whips are under utilized in sport fishing.
  • Pound for pound you can not beat the entertainment value of watching some dirty little man gnaw on a roast chicken.
  • Evil men keep nuns as pets.
  • A witch's staff is full of silly string, she uses this to blind and immobilize enemies.
  • Nuns would make really fine secret service agents.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - Why does a human have the last elfin mindstone?
  • 13 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST BREAD!
  • 14 mins - Hawk journeys into the land of background matting.
  • 30 mins - That looks just like Halloween spider web...
  • 42 mins - Baldin did not have any trouble getting free of those ropes, I probably would have done that earlier.
  • 45 mins - "The Iron Hills are no more." says Baldin, you mean that Voltan bulldozed them or something? What force in medieval times went around flattening out hills?
  • 54 mins - You know, for good guys, this group is rather sadistic.
  • 67 mins - Very windy here in the foreground, but notice how all the trees are not moving.
  • 83 mins - Fluorescent bouncy balls! Hehehehe! I almost died from laughter over the next few minutes.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note hawkslayer1.wav Goofy Guy: "Ohhh dear, I do believe my impetuous friend is challenging you."
Crow: "He wastes his time and mine." (Arrow thwack!)
Green Music Note hawkslayer2.wav Hawk: "And how did the mighty Baldin come to be in this sorry mess?"
Baldin: "Too much wine, a friendly fight or two...you know how it goes. A crack on the skull from a sultry wench, and I wake to find myself at the mercy of these chanting fools!"
Green Music Note hawkslayer3.wav Drogo: "I am no messenger, but I will give you a message. The message of death!"
Green Music Note hawkslayer4.wav Voltan: "Dear brother, I think you and your friends can be persuaded to tell me...believe it, or not!" (Ok, so he didn't actually say that last part.)
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Cliphawkslayer1.mpg - 3.2m
I still cannot believe that they used fluorescent bouncy balls.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 ... 10 11 [12] 13
Re: Hawk the Slayer
Reply #89. Posted on June 20, 2008, 07:15:28 PM by alaskabear
 i saw hawk the slayer when i was a kid and loved it to this day
 other movies i like are lady hawk , dragon slayer  (do thay have spell check on this thing ) i love these kind of movies so if any  one has any movies like thes please let me know i would very much like to see them
 
   alaskabear@sbcglobal.net
 
   frank
0
Re: Hawk the Slayer
Reply #90. Posted on June 20, 2008, 07:23:15 PM by alaska
Cool to see other fans of this movie commenting. Like some, I saw this film a looooong time ago on TV and as a kid it really impressed me. A very obscure film, it has been a challenge to find it on the net, but I did, and very happy for it! Sure it is low budget, there is some cheese, but there is a creative quality to it that still impresses me. But we are the old farts. What do the kids today think? All I can say is that Hawk the Slayer is now a favorite movie of my son (11) who has been inundated with LOTR and loads of other big budget fantasy films. Is it a great film? You bet! If it can still entertain me (isn't that the main point of film) and can capture the kids today with all the low budget effects, it still deserves a measure of respect.



 i agree
 the movies of this time did not depend on a lot of hi tec  f/x
 thay depend on a good plot   and a good story witch this movie has  
  
Re: Hawk the Slayer
Reply #91. Posted on December 31, 2008, 02:23:19 PM by Mark9567
Wow!  It's fun for me to read this site and all the comments.  Like most of the people here, I love this movie!  Of course it's cheesy, but that's beside the point.  It's fun to watch.  It could be that some of my love for "Hawk the Slayer" is due to nostalgia.  I started playing D&D in the early '80s and this movie reminds me of those days.  I have it on DVD and pop it in once a month at least!  Good times.   Smile
Hawk the Slayer 2 is being made!!!!!!!!
Reply #92. Posted on January 29, 2009, 06:37:33 PM by Voltan the Dark One
www.myspace.com/hawkthehunter

This is official! A sequel is in the works in 2009!!


Quote
EDIT BY ANDREW: 

The only reference to a sequel that I can find is on that MySpace page.  The domain it references does not resolve, there is not an IMDb page for the movie, and I could not dig up a mention on a few other movie sites that I checked.

So, this does not appear to be true, unless there is other supporting documentation available.

Is this a hoax?  An attempt to attract traffic to the published MySpace page?  Something else?
Re: Hawk the Slayer
Reply #93. Posted on November 29, 2009, 08:58:06 AM by chrisb
Here's the film on the production company website: www .jingafilms.com/film_details.asp?film_id=30
Re: Hawk the Slayer
Reply #94. Posted on July 22, 2010, 11:49:08 PM by Brian
My favorite terrible movie. I love to inflict this on people. Jack played up the hammiest performance he could for what he knew to be a dog of a role. It is embarrassingly painful today just like it was when I saw it new. Glad to see the guy who played Hawk turn up on Lost. The way they reuse footage over and over is a scream. One handed crossbow? And to follow this up with a sequel set up. That took nerve. Ed Wood couldn't have done a better job, or a worse one as the case may be.
Re: Hawk the Slayer
Reply #95. Posted on July 29, 2010, 05:12:13 PM by Archemondus
You've got to mention the soundtrack. Thanks to the soundtrack, "Hawk the Slayer" is to Sword and Sorcery movies what "Disco Dancer" is to Bollywood.
Re: Hawk the Slayer
Reply #96. Posted on January 26, 2013, 05:12:29 PM by bmwery
I used to watch this film a lot when I was a Kid, in fact I used to own it on V2000 (remember those), I absolutely loved it.  I remember the music during the fighting scene, a bit like war of the worlds.
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