|I MARRIED A MONSTER FROM OUTER SPACE
|Copyright 1958 Paramount Pictures
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- Marge - Happy little homemaker, other than the fact that she can't seem to get pregnant and her husband can shed his skin.
- Bill - Marge's husband, he spends most of the film as a guycicle while some monster runs around in his birthday suit.
- Sam - He could sure use a visit to a Betty Ford clinic, alien possession saves him from liver disease.
- Helen - Sam's girlfriend and, eventually, wife. I nicknamed her "Throat Cancer Woman," listen to her talk and you'll know why.
- Ted and Caroline - The happy couple, he's one of the few human men left.
- Grady - Alcoholic bartender, now there's a combination.
- Dr. Wayne - Town gynecologist.
- Francine - Either a serious bar slut or a hooker, it hardly matters after an alien disintegrates her. (Except for all those guys she gave a venereal disease, I bet it mattered to them.)
- The Aliens - Wandering the universe looking for a supply of fertile women, since they unfortunately managed to misplace their own. (Actually all their females died out.)
|Fathers constantly worry about what sort of man their little girl will fall in love with, Marge's obviously did not take the time to warn her about impotent aliens though. The night before getting married Bill is replaced by a glowing alien, though he looks and smells the same (Could this guy sweat any more?), the young bride can tell something is wrong. Her fears are multiplied by animal's strange reactions to Bill and his mysterious midnight walks, so she follows him one night and discovers the truth. There is a terrific little section where she tries to warn authorities (They've already been taken.) or flee the town, but everyone knows a woman's place is in the kitchen. It goes much like this: "What? Your husband's an alien? Well that's too bad, but he's still the man of the house..." Marge finally does convince someone, her gynecologist, he rounds up all the real men in town (Not a shot at the male alien's virility, well maybe a little one.) and they attack the spaceship. Fortunately one guy brings along his German Shepherds, the monsters are invulnerable to bullets, but sic one dog on them and it's the Alamo all over again. This is another one of the classic drinking movies as well, if someone doesn't have a double shot of scotch in hand they must be from another world. One of the better plots and acting examples you'll find from the 50's b-movie closet. |
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Bachelor parties have come a long way in forty years.
- Aliens understand all the nuances of driving, but not how to turn on the lights.
- Normal people have children within one year of marriage.
- Aliens have low sperm counts.
- Women hate it when their alcoholic husbands stop drinking.
- Cops used to shoot people in the street. (Thank you Rodney King for changing that.)
- Women wear bras to bed.
- There was a reason evolution stuck our jugular vein inside the body; it is called "dogs."
- 1 min - Is the Earth shouting at us?
- 5 mins - Dummy in the road, hehehehe!
- 11 mins - Why does lightning make his real face come out?
- 28 mins - She should not be running around in just a dressing gown in the middle of the day. Oh it is night; what was I thinking?
- 28 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A CAT!
- 54 mins - Oxygen is poisonous to them? Okay then...
- 62 mins - Alfred Hitchcock?
- 70 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A PINE TREE!
- 76 mins - I think the aliens are full of margaritas! Yum!
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||Marge: "That doesn't look like me at all." |
Dr. Wayne: "If you were turned inside out that's the way you'd look."
||Bill and Sam talking about the shortcomings of humans.
||Throat Cancer Woman: "Oh I just love rehearsing for weddings, especially when it's my own."
||Marge: "Your race has no women. It can't have children. It will die out!"
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
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