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JACK FROST - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1996 Frost Bite Films Ltd.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Sam - Town Sheriff who brought Jack Frost in the first time.
  • Ryan - Sam's darn kid, he cooks way to often for a boy.
  • Anne - Sam's wife. Anything else about her? Anyone?
  • Agent Manners - FBI with the normal smug personality. I'd like to see him and Moulder argue about killer snowmen for an hour. Dies of "frostbite."
  • Stone - Scientist who created the genetic acid which bonded Jack Frost to the snow. Ends up filled with snow.
  • Jill and Tommy - Shannon Elizabeth and um, some guy! Two young lovers, and she really needed to get naked. I could sleep at night if she had gotten naked. Anyway, he gets an icicle through the head and she dies from a case of horizontal hypothermia mambo.
  • Paul - Old guy who owns the town general store.
  • Jake, Sally, and Billy - The rest of Jill's family. Billy's head is removed by a sled, Jake has an axe jammed down his throat, and Sally is strangled with Christmas lights.
  • Chris, Joe, and Marla - The rest of the police force. Jack Frost runs over Chris with his own cruiser.
  • Jack Frost - Killer who is accidently melted down with a genetic acid. He becomes a deadly snowman! Dissolved in antifreeze.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

A killer snowman, (I'll let that sink in for a few moments.) created when a serial killer is melted by genetic acid, which combines with snow of course. This is because murderers have only one valence electron (like Hydrogen) and will covalently bond with Oxygen atoms. Okay, so it doesn't work, you explain the damn thing. Jack is pretty annoyed with Sam for capturing him in the first place, getting melted probably didn't help things, so he begins killing off the rednecks, um, townspeople. Scary thing is we are constantly bombarded with AWFUL puns. Hurray for the film's creators, they never attempt to be serious - smart move when you're dealing with killer snowman movies. Poor Sam makes every attempt to stop the murderous snow cone, high powered bullets, blowing up the police station, even using hairdryers. Nothing works, the villian can melt and freeze at will! Finally Ryan's oatmeal proves effective, it's secret ingredient is Antifreeze! I never said Ryan was a very good cook... One of my favorite parts is when Jack strangles Sally with the Christmas lights and smashes her face into a box of ornaments, though Jill undressing to sexy Christmas music worked nicely. All the absurdity you can ask for, Badmovies.org's must see for the Christmas season.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Never let your psychopathic brother tell Christmas stories to the kids.
  • Death row inmates are driven to the electric chair.
  • Snowmen need not be anatomically correct.
  • Memo pads should not be used for stuff like "somebody died."
  • Sleds are guillotines waiting to happen.
  • Backwoods people think Oprah is a philosopher.
  • Having your face crushed into a box full of Christmas ornaments sucks.
  • Getting clothes off to have sex, during the winter, can take a while.
  • Hair dryers are excellent weapons against snowmen.
  • Aerosol cans are more destructive than dynamite.
  • If you are a killer snowman - AVOID ANTIFREEZE AT ALL COSTS!
  • Dunking your kid in engine coolant is okay under certain circumstances.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 3 mins - Why are those two sitting so close together? Oh, to be in the same shot.
  • 7 mins - Ouch! Doused with genetic acid!
  • 13 mins - That looks like crap with marshmallows in it.
  • 35 mins - Axe handle crammed down the throat...
  • 37 mins - Obviously a doll having it's face stuffed into Christmas ornaments.
  • 45 mins - Manners, you are such a dickhead.
  • 52 mins - Jill undressing to a sexy version of The Twelve Days of Christmas.
  • 59 mins - It appears Jack Frost is humping Jill. Oh heck, where is his carrot nose?
  • 79 mins - You put antifreeze in the oatmeal? Are you out of your mind kid? Sam, beat your kid.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note jackfrost1.wav Uncle Henry telling his niece a Christmas story. (hehehehe!)
Green Music Note jackfrost2.wav Stone: "It can freeze and unfreeze at will! It melted, came through the doggie door, and refroze on the inside."
Green Music Note jackfrost3.wav Jack Frost: "Looks like Christmas came a little early this year. Well, hope it was good for you honey."
Green Music Note jackfrost4.wav Sam: "Hey Jack!"
Jack Frost: "What?"
Sam: "What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?"
Jack Frost: "I dunno."
Sam: "Snowballs."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipjackfrost1.mpg - 2.8m
They just finished blowing the police station to kingdom come, hoping to destroy the evil snow cone in the process of course. It looks like the blast mixed up Jack a little bit, I wonder how many snowmen like this are built near places "the short school bus" makes its stops.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 ... 3 4 [5] 6 7
Jack Frost
Reply #33. Posted on February 19, 2003, 11:32:58 AM by Craig
I have a few more points i forgot about. Sam was about to die then he miracoulsly has the energy to push the killer snowman into the car full of anti-freeze. Not that ive tried it i think anti-freeze and stab wounds dont mix well, though sam seems to forget about this. One again this film is s**t. It should win an oscar for being the crapiest film ever. I was in pain laffing at how crap it was
Jack Frost
Reply #34. Posted on March 25, 2003, 02:04:24 AM by alicia
This movie is fabulous!  Come on, its a killer snowman!!!  How demented can you get?
Jack Frost
Reply #35. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Dominique
I must say, I saw the film today and LOVED it!! Jack Frost is now a classic for me, not because it's a 'quality movie', but because it's such a hilarious piece. My hat goes off to everyone involved in making the movie, and my fellow Frost-lovers! :)  ...and why is it that no one here has mentioned the random Idiot (wearing a neon orange hat and a target on his back) that walks throughout the film?! He's hilarious! Notice him in the sheriff's office after the old-man is murdered, walking past the sheriff's house while Jill is being carroted to death, stepping out of the town hall with marshmallows before Frost is blow dried to death, and at the very end of the film putting ANTI-FREEZE in his truck while the other bottles of Jack poisoned anti-freeze are being buried... Remember, one man's trash is another treasure!
 *kiss kiss bang bang* - Dominique
Jack Frost
Reply #36. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Jason Marin
Actually, Agent Manners didn't die in this flick. There is a sequel called Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman, and in this sequel Agent Manners is brought back but is played by a different guy.
Jack Frost
Reply #37. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Austin
Maybe just a little TOO corny.  They're trying a bit too hard.  I think this movie would have been much funnier had they put on the appearance of being a little more serious.  They just try so hard to be funny & it just doesn't work half the time.  Reminiscent of the type of humor you'll find in such hits as Redneck Zombies and Gore Whore.  Worth renting I guess, but I can't really say anything very good about it.  I give it 1.5 goo-drips.
Jack Frost
Reply #38. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Dana
This is most definitely one of the best "B" movies I have ever seen.  This movie ranks with the likes of Death Race 2000 and Slumber Party Massacre 2.  In my opinion, this has to be the most inventive, laugh til your pants split movie with a budget under $500 ever made.  After seeing this little treasure in a mound of crap, I fully hoped the sequel, (set in a summer resort no less), would be at least half as good. Wrong O.  For a good time you can't beat a movie where hair dryers on extensions cords are used as weapons to kill a serial killer.  Ha.. makes me feel warm all over again just thinking anout it.
Jack Frost
Reply #39. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by springsprite
I accidentally turned the channel to this movie several years ago.  It was the worst movie I had seen but I couldn't stop watching.  I still can't think of a worse movie (and I can find things to like about Manos.)
Jack Frost
Reply #40. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by Felicity
Definitely falls into the subgenre of horror-comedy.  If anything, its problem is not that it takes itself too seriously--itís that it tries to be funny.  It is, ironically, less funny when a bad movie *tries* to be so bad that itís funny.

In spite of that, it was fun.  Of course, it fell into the same trap as practically every movie ever made--being set in a small town--but as with Abraxas, the town wasnít so small that we didnít get to see *any* civilization whatsoever.

Iíd give it two stars--a comfortable movie to watch if youíre going in with low expectations.
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