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JACK FROST - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1996 Frost Bite Films Ltd.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Sam - Town Sheriff who brought Jack Frost in the first time.
  • Ryan - Sam's darn kid, he cooks way to often for a boy.
  • Anne - Sam's wife. Anything else about her? Anyone?
  • Agent Manners - FBI with the normal smug personality. I'd like to see him and Moulder argue about killer snowmen for an hour. Dies of "frostbite."
  • Stone - Scientist who created the genetic acid which bonded Jack Frost to the snow. Ends up filled with snow.
  • Jill and Tommy - Shannon Elizabeth and um, some guy! Two young lovers, and she really needed to get naked. I could sleep at night if she had gotten naked. Anyway, he gets an icicle through the head and she dies from a case of horizontal hypothermia mambo.
  • Paul - Old guy who owns the town general store.
  • Jake, Sally, and Billy - The rest of Jill's family. Billy's head is removed by a sled, Jake has an axe jammed down his throat, and Sally is strangled with Christmas lights.
  • Chris, Joe, and Marla - The rest of the police force. Jack Frost runs over Chris with his own cruiser.
  • Jack Frost - Killer who is accidently melted down with a genetic acid. He becomes a deadly snowman! Dissolved in antifreeze.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

A killer snowman, (I'll let that sink in for a few moments.) created when a serial killer is melted by genetic acid, which combines with snow of course. This is because murderers have only one valence electron (like Hydrogen) and will covalently bond with Oxygen atoms. Okay, so it doesn't work, you explain the damn thing. Jack is pretty annoyed with Sam for capturing him in the first place, getting melted probably didn't help things, so he begins killing off the rednecks, um, townspeople. Scary thing is we are constantly bombarded with AWFUL puns. Hurray for the film's creators, they never attempt to be serious - smart move when you're dealing with killer snowman movies. Poor Sam makes every attempt to stop the murderous snow cone, high powered bullets, blowing up the police station, even using hairdryers. Nothing works, the villian can melt and freeze at will! Finally Ryan's oatmeal proves effective, it's secret ingredient is Antifreeze! I never said Ryan was a very good cook... One of my favorite parts is when Jack strangles Sally with the Christmas lights and smashes her face into a box of ornaments, though Jill undressing to sexy Christmas music worked nicely. All the absurdity you can ask for, Badmovies.org's must see for the Christmas season.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Never let your psychopathic brother tell Christmas stories to the kids.
  • Death row inmates are driven to the electric chair.
  • Snowmen need not be anatomically correct.
  • Memo pads should not be used for stuff like "somebody died."
  • Sleds are guillotines waiting to happen.
  • Backwoods people think Oprah is a philosopher.
  • Having your face crushed into a box full of Christmas ornaments sucks.
  • Getting clothes off to have sex, during the winter, can take a while.
  • Hair dryers are excellent weapons against snowmen.
  • Aerosol cans are more destructive than dynamite.
  • If you are a killer snowman - AVOID ANTIFREEZE AT ALL COSTS!
  • Dunking your kid in engine coolant is okay under certain circumstances.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 3 mins - Why are those two sitting so close together? Oh, to be in the same shot.
  • 7 mins - Ouch! Doused with genetic acid!
  • 13 mins - That looks like crap with marshmallows in it.
  • 35 mins - Axe handle crammed down the throat...
  • 37 mins - Obviously a doll having it's face stuffed into Christmas ornaments.
  • 45 mins - Manners, you are such a dickhead.
  • 52 mins - Jill undressing to a sexy version of The Twelve Days of Christmas.
  • 59 mins - It appears Jack Frost is humping Jill. Oh heck, where is his carrot nose?
  • 79 mins - You put antifreeze in the oatmeal? Are you out of your mind kid? Sam, beat your kid.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note jackfrost1.wav Uncle Henry telling his niece a Christmas story. (hehehehe!)
Green Music Note jackfrost2.wav Stone: "It can freeze and unfreeze at will! It melted, came through the doggie door, and refroze on the inside."
Green Music Note jackfrost3.wav Jack Frost: "Looks like Christmas came a little early this year. Well, hope it was good for you honey."
Green Music Note jackfrost4.wav Sam: "Hey Jack!"
Jack Frost: "What?"
Sam: "What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?"
Jack Frost: "I dunno."
Sam: "Snowballs."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipjackfrost1.mpg - 2.8m
They just finished blowing the police station to kingdom come, hoping to destroy the evil snow cone in the process of course. It looks like the blast mixed up Jack a little bit, I wonder how many snowmen like this are built near places "the short school bus" makes its stops.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 ... 4 5 [6] 7
Jack Frost
Reply #41. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Cambot99
I can't remember the last time I saw a monster movie that involved a killer snowman but still, great movie. My favorite line in this movie was "Well it aint f**king Frosty".
Jack Frost
Reply #42. Posted on February 18, 2006, 02:41:24 PM by Crazed Fan
Whats not to like about a pychotic snowman. I thought the story in the begining set the mood for a horror/comedy. Over all a good movie.
Jack Frost
Reply #43. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Cambot99
Never said I didn't like pychotic snowman, it's just rare you see a happy snowman suddenly go nuts and shoots icicles through your head. I had this movie but suddenly it disappeared and I can't find it anywhere.
Jack Frost
Reply #44. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Will Sammut
I have yet to see this gem of cinema, I did however see the sequel at 2 am on Starz, I bet this ones better than the sequel in its fun, the sequel lacked the original absurdity and stupidity that I look for in crap horror films. I think they need a box set with this and its sequel, as well as uncle sam, silent night deadly night, and the maniac series. It wuld be a good buy instead of geting them all individually, oh yes and we need more shannon elizabeth shower hump scenes, "Looks like christmas came early this year, hope it was good for you too." LMAO
Jack Frost
Reply #45. Posted on November 09, 2006, 09:56:14 AM by
It would have been stupid had it not been so funny.
Re: Jack Frost
Reply #46. Posted on May 27, 2007, 09:28:26 PM by HarlotBug3
How does death feel?

It feels cold.

...it feels cold.

Watch out for yellow snow!!!!!!  It may have genetic acid in it!  This movie made me switch from Otter Pops to SnoCones....

Killer snow! (was re:Jack Frost)
Reply #47. Posted on May 27, 2007, 10:47:05 PM by BTM
You know, I don't know if anyone will believe me, but way back when I was like 12 years old, I was working on a series of horror stories, and one of them features, I kid you not, killer snow.  You see, there's a freak, unexplained snowfall in the middle of summer in some town or another and the snow and ice start offing people.  First they do it subtlily (icy road causes a car to crash, a "snow hand" pushes a kid down a hill causing him to fall over a cliff or something..)

Then a young kid goes outside and starts buidling a snowman, and, instead of killing him, the snow lets him finish, and they start using the snowman's form to go around killing people (snowman gets an ax, although I don't know from where.)

So, I don't know.. just found it really weird when I discovered the Jack Frost film to think, "Whoa... what a weird coincidence..."

But, yeah, keep in mind I was just 12.. and it's probably not nearly as silly as the story I was working on about an evil pumpkin... (well, technically it's evil field of vines that eventually sprout an evil pumpkin...) 
Re: Jack Frost
Reply #48. Posted on June 19, 2007, 02:42:50 PM by inframan
I like the end where he yells "get some antifreeze" and somehow the guy knew that he meant line the bed of the truck and completely fill it with a couple hundred gallons of antifreeze. 

This whole thing seemed like a Child's Play rip off with a snowman instead of a doll. Still worth a look, good for a few laughs.
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