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KRULL - 3 Slimes
Rated PG
Copyright 1983 Barclays Mercantile Industrial Finance Limited
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Colwyn - Heroic prince who wishes to free his world from the evil Beast. He is also made out of something fire retardant.
  • Lyssa - Princess who dearly loves Colwyn, even though she has known him for about one hour and it is an arranged marriage.
  • Ergo - Inept sorcerer who has some ego problems.
  • Ynyr - Ancient wise man with darn little common sense. Dies after he runs out of sand. (Go watch the movie and stop scratching your head over what that means.)
  • Torquil - Bandit and robber, he does not really exhibit any good qualities, but Colwyn likes him for some reason.
  • The Cyclops - Powerful warrior who can see into the future, unfortunately the only thing he can see is his own death. Ends up as a one eyed pancake.
  • Kegan - Liam Neeson! One of Torquil's fellow bandits who has a wife in almost every village. Shot by a Slayer.
  • The Widow of the Web - Once beloved of Ynyr, she has been sentenced to life imprisonment for killing his son. Eaten by a giant spider.
  • Turold - Colwyn's father, the late king.
  • Eirig - Lyssa's father, another late king. (In case you missed it, I'm not talking about punctuality.)
  • Rhun and the Merry Men - The rest of the bandits, just here so someone can die every other scene or so.
  • The Emerald Seer and Titch - Old man and his little apprentice, the seer is killed and replaced by a servant to the Beast.
  • The Slayers - Army of armored creatures which serve the Beast. When you kill one red special effects go off and it's skull splits open, then something nasty burrows into the ground.
  • The Beast - Conqueror of worlds, ruler of the known galaxy, but I've seen piles of sticks with better skill at romance. Roasted alive by Colwyn.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

If you were any sort of fantasy film lover alive during the 80's it is impossible to imagine that "Krull" did not grab your attention at the video store. Not only does it have an impressive cast (so many of these people appeared in other films, though I only mentioned Liam with the "!"), there are swords, lasers, monsters, and even a remote control 10,000rpm throwing star! Coolness!

Along the lines of plot, well the film is a textbook example of some evil power stealing the hero's true love and him fighting to gain her back, with some sidetracks to show just how fantastic the setting is. Even though the Beast is a towering reptile monster it desires Lyssa to be his bride, she is a little unnerved by this. (Not the least of which would be consummating the event, yikes!) Slayers take her prisoner and leave Colwyn for dead, but the prince is saved by a wise old man and easily gathers a party of loyal friends to assist him in attacking an impregnable fortress.

The special effects range from downright ludicrous, such as the amazing flying Clydesdales scene, to exceptional. The stop motion spider that guards the Widow is a gorgeous piece of work. There is nothing like watching a convincing arachnid scaled to the size of a small house. Most of the acting I can do without, but Ergo was my favorite character. When not bumbling spells and turning himself into a goose, the little guy is extolling his own virtues, which leads to some amusing descriptive phrases.

No matter what "real" critics say, you can not get me to hate this film.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Women can make water catch on fire.
  • Advanced alien armies, which have conquered the known galaxy, use horses for land transportation.
  • Heroes are made from asbestos.
  • When traveling as a flaming meteorite one should avoid ponds or other bodies of water.
  • Kings carry master keys to every lock in their kingdom. (Which probably work on chastity belts too.)
  • Spider web sounds just like wind chimes when you shake it.
  • Beauty might not be skin deep, but love sure the heck is.
  • Cyclops are made out of Kevlar.
  • Boomerang throwing stars, that you intend on chucking at some slimy alien overlord, should have a nonstick coating.
  • Marriage vows are based on a grisly way to flame broil the bride and groom's enemies.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 10 mins - Advanced enough to have propane torches, but still using bows and swords...
  • 16 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A HAY CART!
  • 22 mins - Colwyn is really spry for having a laser lance pierce his shoulder. Oh, rock climbing now!
  • 54 mins - Great idea Beast, keep traumatizing her with weird visions, I can see this being a successful marriage.
  • 56 mins - Hehehe! He actually stood up in the quicksand for a moment.
  • 58 mins - Everyone is darn clean after wading through all that quicksand.
  • 74 mins - The phrase you are looking for is "Oh shit!" What did you expect was living in that huge web anyway?
  • 84 mins - Why didn't you get a weekly schedule or something? That way they would know when the fortress was visiting some local area.
  • 91 mins - Holy blue screen Batman!

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note krull1.wav Ynyr: "This it was given me to know, that many worlds have been enslaved by the Beast and his army, the Slayers."
Green Music Note krull2.wav Ergo: "I am Ergo the Magnificent! Short in stature, tall in power, narrow of purpose, and wide of vision, and I do not travel with peasants and beggars. Good bye!"
Green Music Note krull3.wav Torquil: "I don't kill men without good reason."
Green Music Note krull4.wav Ergo: "My name is no jest, beanpole. It's all very well to have a short name when you're twenty feet tall, but small people need large names to give them weight."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipkrull1.mpg - 2.3m
Colwyn vs. the Beast.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... 8
Krull
Reply #17. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Dan
Another guilty pleasure film. This one had it all. Lasers, aliens, magic, visionaries, philosophy, bugs in suits of armor. The music was stirring I somewhat repetitive.  My heart goes out to the poor gentleman who played the cyclops. His make up was impressive and I'm still tweaked to find out how the hell did he see ?
Krull
Reply #18. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Fiona
Yes, this was one of those films you vaguely remembered having watched and loved as a kid and thought no more of until you ended up at university with nothing better to do than buy cheap 80s movies and relive the glory. As a British viewer I was able to appreciate an additional dimension to the film. The young boy who is part of the bandits is the least well known member amongst them who's major role to date is a stall owner in Eastenders. Watch the look of fear on his face as the better known actors are butchered one by one. You should never have left Grange Hill, Tucker!
Krull
Reply #19. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Lightsane
This movie is the kind of thing you refer to obliquely in a book, and everyone who reads it wonders what you're talking about - except for two or three people who realize what you're talking about and go "hey, cool."
Krull
Reply #20. Posted on December 16, 2001, 06:56:01 AM by Roy Smith
Lysette Anthony was absolutely sexy.  The fact the that any alien Beast with an unholy army would take her as his queen makes perfect sense.  If I had a teleport fortress I know I could get chicks!
Krull
Reply #21. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Lucas Oiler
the first b-movie i ever saw, as a 5-6 year old child...but two days ago was the first time i saw it til the end. It was something damn unbelievable back then, i watched Krull with my father and the movie seemed terrifying and extremely dramatic to me. I was puzzled to see Colwyn have 2 friends in one scene and dozen in the next, i closed my eyes when he picked the Glaive and i stopped watching after the Doppelganger-Killing-Seer scene made me shiver and tremble :) Damn, i'd want to get it on dvd...too bad i dont've a credit card
Krull
Reply #22. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Geist
The Truth:

"Fire Mares!  Fires Mares can travel a thousand leagues in a day!"

In fact, they travel SOOOOOOOO fast, their hooves are flaming!  That's all you need to know about this movie.

Hehe.  Ok, its entertaining, but geez... "FIRE MARES?!!"

This movie's plot was a total freaking meltdown.  Let's start at the beginning. First we have an advanced alien race holding pep rallys in front of spot lights and fog machines before raiding towns of innocent folk.  Then we have "The Prince" totally unscathed show up at the castle of his bride.

King: I thought you came with 200 men
Prince: We HAD 200 men, only us 20 survived the slayer attack.

Hello?

If your army had suffered 90% casualties at the hands of an alien race, I'd be building a BUNKER or a fallout shelter NOT planning a wedding.  But they go for the wedding instead.  People beat on shields some chick puts fire in the Prince's hand and guess what? The aliens show becuase they've GOT TO STOP that wedding!

What!??

The castle and everyone is killed? Why weren't they  building bunkers like they should have been? Haven't they played StarCraft? But ITS OK because the old man of the mountains knows everything anyway and tells him that the symbol of his kingdom actually ISN'T just a symbol but actually the most powerful weapon on the planet. Too bad  SOMEONE hid it in a pool of lava and it doens't even freak'n work on the BEAST like its suppose to.  

No, we find out later that we need the POWER OF LUV! OK, back to the weapon thing. If you had an all powerful weapon and were being invaded by an alien race, would you:

a) hide it in a pool of lava on a mountain top
b)Hold it at the castle.  

They chose A. So after he gets the boomrang of death he marches off to see the wizard. He picks up some losers first and then meets the wizard.

Wizard: Don't use the glaive until you really, really need it.
Hero (Later):It didn't work!!!
Wizard (Later): Ha! Ha! Sucker!

At this point if I WERE THE HERO I'd pop a pretty important question, like:

Why shouldn't I use the ultimate weapon right freaking NOW (especially since later in the movie when I really, really need it, it won't work anyway)???

But this is OK because the Wizard says: The only way to find out where the beast's tower will appear will be to go the emerald temple... In the MIDDLE of a FREAK'N SWAMP.

OK question? If YOU were going to a build a multi-billion dollar temple where you would put it?

A) Near people who could use the facilities.
B) In the MIDDLE of a FREAK'N SWAMP.

OK, so he and the seven samarui go out. The wizard dies. GOOD. They fight some guys in rubber suits that move really, really slowly and their brains leap out when they die: "EAAHHRHHH!!!" What the freak is that about? Just weird! But that's OK.

Now help me with this:

The Old Man is going to visit his ex-wife, who can know anything. Which tells WHY they split in the first place. Anyway a giant spider is guarding his ex, so he gets the info, she dies, he dies. GOOD.

The bad news is that she tells him the castle will materialize tomorrow 1,000 leagues from here..."

"Fire Mares!  Fires Mares can travel a thousand leagues in a day!"

And so it goes...

And why did the beast go all Blurry during the final combat scene?!?  I saw this in the theatre when I was 12, and I thought that I had gotten popcorn butter on my glasses...

I wish I had.


P.S,  The video game rocked.
Krull
Reply #23. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by yuop
Funniest movie of all time!  We were MST3K-ing this film a decade before we'd ever heard of MST.  It's a good movie for its own sake, and love those laser spears or whatever they are, but twice as funny when you roast it too.  Best moments:

* Old Seer looking like he dies of a major constipation problem.

* Asked what his greatest wish is, the Cyclops responds by saying "Fig Newtons"
Krull
Reply #24. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by the OLD one
If you don't understand Krull ,have you really contemplated eternity?
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