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LAKE PLACID - 2 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1999 Phoenix Pictures
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Kelly Scott - Bridget Fonda! Bitchy paleontologist who seems to attract severed heads, though I'm pretty sure she's not happy about that.
  • Jack Wells - Bill Pullman! Fish and Game representative and the voice of reason.
  • Sheriff Hank Keough - Unhappy man, despite seeming to be fairly bright and witty everyone throws the Neanderthal jokes his way.
  • Hector Cyr - Oliver Platt! Rich guy who loves swimming with crocodiles, he is a grade A nut case.
  • Mrs. Bickerman - Betty White! Cantankerous (And I mean Cantankerous.) old woman who has been living on the lake for years, she's also been feeding cattle to the crocodile.
  • Deputy Gare - She falls for Hector, I have no idea why.
  • The Crocodile - A thirty foot monster which has migrated to Maine...

Buy It!

The Plot: 

The technology and actors recruited for these things might keep getting better, but one look at the plot and you have to wonder. All of our characters gravitate to the backwoods of Maine, bent on investigating the strange death of a diver studying beaver populations. Pretty soon the truth is apparent, for some reason an enormous tropical crocodile has made the lake his home. Not only that, but the darn thing seems to be diabetic or possibly warm blooded. (Which would explain it's high rate of metabolism and ability to survive winters in Maine.) So we have Jack and Sheriff Keough running around trying to kill the thing, Kelly is mostly on the conservation side, (Save the fig bucking crocodile!), and Hector probably wants to build a shrine. That last gentleman on our list is a piece of art by the way, when he's not setting snare traps (Which might seriously screw with a human, but not some reptile weighing a few thousand pounds.) he's ranting about them being "dragons." True, the English description of such monsters would closely match a giant crocodile, but the beast in question would have eaten Saint George's horse, then the unhappy knight. After a few close calls, one too close for a deputy, they decide to trap the monster. Just see the plan going all wrong and everyone running all over the place trying to avoid the snapping jaws don't you? You'd be absolutely correct, a few even blaze away with rifles to no effect. Which leads me to a final question, ignoring the strange shotgun/antitank weapon Sheriff Keough owns, why didn't anyone have a weapon capable of killing this thing? I'm certain a good rifle, such as a 30-06, 300 Win, or even 458 Win, would have done just fine.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Crocodiles have a difficult time with bite sized divers.
  • Sexual harassment laws are starting to border on ridiculous.
  • Field work is not a requirement for a degree in Paleontology.
  • It's hard to remember someone in a good way when all you have to cry over is a big toe.
  • I don't need to watch some overweight county sheriff, with bed head and in his underwear, take a leak.
  • Crocodiles like to play with boat anchors.
  • Never try to commiserate a friend dying with some mental guy.
  • Cows can't fly.
  • Radar will detect submerged crocodiles.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 5 mins - Sort of a large and still lake for beavers, oh never mind, they're just mops of hair pulled along on a string.
  • 13 mins - What sort of firearm is that again?
  • 18 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A SHERIFF!
  • 26 mins - That pickup line worked? I am going to Maine...
  • 32 mins - Whole lot of love here, whole lot of love.
  • 35 mins - It carefully gutted and ate the moose?
  • 44 mins - Well, it just ate the only Grizzly living in Maine...
  • 49 mins - How did they get all the groundwater out of the print so they could make the cast of it?
  • 52 mins - I never thought I'd hear Betty White say that.
  • 61 mins - Let me remind you, it recently tried to eat your helicopter.
  • 69 mins - Kelly was submerged for just under one minute. Not bad for someone who does not exercise and is full of adrenaline.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note lakeplacid1.wav Kelly: "I don't do field, and even if I did, Maine? I'm allergic to timber!"
Her Boss: "Kelly..."
Kelly: "I am not going to Maine."
Green Music Note lakeplacid2.wav Jack: "Do you know how your husband died?"
Mrs. Bickerman: "Oh yes, I killed him!"
Jack: "You killed him?"
Mrs. Bickerman: "Oh yes!"
Green Music Note lakeplacid3.wav Mrs. Bickerman: "If I had a dick this is where I'd tell you to suck it."
Sheriff: "Did the crocodile kill your husband?"
Mrs. Bickerman: "Yes, but it was all... ...it was a mistake."
Kelly: "A mistake?"
Green Music Note lakeplacid4.wav Hector: "Let's not overlook the fact that he didn't eat me."
Jack: "'Cause he just ate a cow, stupid!"

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Cliplakeplacid1.mpg - 1.8m
Crocodiles love the taste of bear.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 ... 7
Lake Placid
Reply #17. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by The_Cynical_Critic
I saw this movie less than a year ago and I had the time of my life. I thought it was downright hilarious. Oliver Platt wasn't up to his traditional performance (which was a good thing), Betty White's lines were irresistably funny (I broke set decibels laughing), and Fonda is semi-sweet as a nature-hater who sees the error of her ways.



Lake Placid
Reply #18. Posted on February 23, 2005, 12:52:14 PM by MrGB
One of the very few movies I regretted renting. There is not a single redeeming quality to this crapfest: bad actors, an even worse plot and about a total of 50 seconds where something actually happens that has to do with a crocodile.
Lake Placid
Reply #19. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by cheesehole
Excellent job.  They hit it just right with this movie.  This is the best 'bad' movie I've seen since Evil Dead.  I laughed all the way from 'Gee' to 'I miss the crocodile already'.  Some people won't get it, and I think that's just great.

Beware of anyone who self proclaims their 'good taste' in movies. ;)

- cyber ben
Lake Placid
Reply #20. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Kat
This was a great movie

It combined humour ( the dry, rude, sarcastic kind) with thirlls, and wasn't that gross because if it was, i wouldn't have watched it
Lake Placid
Reply #21. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Daniel
This movie was great! That crocodile was HUGE!!! Anything that can take a big bite out of a grizzly bear = is HUGE!!! I didn't find this very funny but it's entertaining. It deserves 5 drops. How could you give only give 4 drops to this film?! I don't have much more to say about this film but I'll leave this with one question: How come crocodiles and alligators look the same but they're totally different?
Lake Placid
Reply #22. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Marcus
This movie wasnt the worst Ive ever seen but its certainly doesnt deserve over 2 Slimes.  I wanted that big ass Croc to kill off more people!  I mean really, one decapitation and one guy cut in half is nothing if you watch something like say...JAWS.  However, Ill admit the movie does have some fun moments.  The bear getting dragged in the water was a classic.  Also, Betty White saying "cocksucker" to me was worth the 3 bucks at Blockbuster!
Lake Placid
Reply #23. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by mixer
Lake Placid could have been a great movie if it included a lesbian shower scene with Bridge Fonda and Meredith Salanger.  Since it didn't, it's just ok.
Lake Placid
Reply #24. Posted on March 31, 2004, 12:43:27 PM by Ray Beliveau
I thought it was a great movie. I mean, sure parts of the plot are cheesy, but it has a lot of amusing parts. Betty White has all of the best lines. :)
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