Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"

Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT


REMO WILLIAMS: THE ADVENTURE BEGINS - 3 Slimes
Rated PG-13
Copyright 1985 Orion Pictures Corporation
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 9 March 2003

The Characters:  

  • Remo Williams - Fred Ward! Before his surgery and identity change, he was a hard-bitten cop named Samuel Macon.
  • Chiun - Master of assassins and tough as nails. His mastery of martial arts is only surpassed by his biting wit.
  • Major Fleming - She is all the accountant that she can be.
  • Mr. Smith - He always looks as if he thinks the person he is talking with might be a doppleganging alien.
  • MacCleary - Smooth operative who was blessed with an artificial arm. Blessed because his job involves clipping through electric fences and getting attacked by dogs. An insulated, nerveless arm is a good thing. Shot.
  • Mr. Grove - Corrupt CEO of the leading defense contractor in the United States. Immolated.
  • Stone - He was Grove's hired muscle. Notice the past tense there.
  • General Watson - After spending years on Grove's bankroll, he is "retired" by Remo.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

"Remo Williams" is one of those films, like "Buckaroo Banzai," that people seem to either enjoy with a passion or hate with a vengeance. I have heard people remark, "What? That stupid movie?" or "Dude, Chiun is THE MAN!" In my humble opinion the film is above average (thus leaving me in the largely unpopulated middle ground). Regardless of my overall feelings, I agree that Chiun is THE MAN.

Macon is happily filling his gut with fast food when three men dash past. The first runner is obviously fleeing from the other two. The royal ass-kicking is interrupted by Macon, but it was an ambush. All three men attack the policeman. The short scuffle looks exceptionally painful, mainly due to the combatants insisting on hitting each other with 2X4's. It takes some luck, but Macon actually wins the fight. He needs a few bandages and a comb for his mustache and hair (honestly, he needed the comb before the fight), but the three bad guys are whupped. Too bad that MacCleary comes along and pushes the squad car, with Macon inside, off the pier.

The policeman wakes in a hospital room. He has a trim haircut, a freshly shaven face, and clean underwear on. No wonder that he accused MacCleary of performing plastic surgery. In any case, the recruiter informs Macon that his name is now Remo Williams. Remo has been recruited into a secret government agency and will do exactly what they tell him. Or else. Any wonder why I sometimes call this movie "La Femme Fred Ward?"

First stop on the introduction tour is Smith's office. The head of the department lectures Remo about the Constitution and how difficult it is to prosecute powerful individuals. Corrupt politicians, power hungry military officers, and filthy CEOs top the list. Dispensing vigilante justice is why the department was formed. With the help of a personal computer, which is tied into every Cray available, Smith sifts through information and identifies the bad guys. The ex-cop's job is to kill the untouchables.

Wait, a PC collating what is processed by a horde of supercomputers? Which 5 1/4" drive is the data stored on?

The inaugural target for assassination is none other than Chiun. Remo tries to shoot the little fellow. Every time he pulls the trigger, Chiun leans to one side and the bullet cleanly misses. Attempting unarmed combat is just as unproductive. The master's deft movements mean that the big cop's fists either pass though empty air, or, even worse, connect with something inanimate. At the end of the exchange Remo is totally beaten. MacCleary enters and introduces Chiun as the man who will teach Remo how to be an expert killer.

The dodging bullets trick is pretty darn cool. By watching for tiny muscle movements or listening for the sounds of tendons flexing, Chiun is able to avoid the trajectory. Do not try this at home kids. Especially not with someone who cannot shoot center mast to begin with.

Remo is suitably upset about losing a fight to Chiun. He tries for a rematch. It ends when Chiun starts affecting nerves and paralyzing parts of his pupil's body. Having your stomach muscles locked in a cramp - ouch. A humbled Remo agrees to stop fighting and start learning.

Training consists of exercises, navigating an obstacle course laid out through the studio apartment, tapping at a finger board, and enduring a steady stream of insults. Chiun is a master of Southwest Asian degradation, prone to stating, "You move like a pregnant yak!" (Try saying it like a little old Korean man. Awesomely funny.) and similar phrases.

Major Fleming enters the story when she begins causing Grove problems. The female officer is in charge of expenditures and does not like what she finds in the accounts. Grove takes it in stride, but a tense hearing about the HARP satellite project (a space weapons platform) and an accident with an experimental rifle (another defense contract) make him decide that Fleming must go.

Elsewhere, Remo is progressing nicely in mastering the techniques. He is sent to keep an eye on Fleming and Grove takes notice. The evil CEO is no dummy; he wants Remo dead. A fight at the Statue of Liberty, which was undergoing renovation, occurs. The three construction workers are no match for the student assassin. Stone wisely runs away.

The best way to find out more about Grove is espionage. MacCleary and Remo sneak into the HARP research laboratory. Now, the older operative has no problem, but Remo expends a lot of energy trying to avoid three Doberman Pinschers; the dogs are an earthly version of Cerberus. Plus, they must have been trained by a circus! The snarling canines even cross a tightrope to menace Remo. He does escape, but MacCleary is shot and killed.

Determined that MacCleary's death not be pointless, Remo volunteers to assassinate Grove. He infiltrates the military proving ground and hooks up with Fleming. Unfortunately, Grove is wise to the operation and sets a trap. The novice assassin and his partners (Chiun shows up) survive a number of misadventures, finally completing the mission. Remo and Chiun steal a motorboat and race off into the sunset as Major Fleming stares wistfully after her hero.

As the title alludes, the movie was obviously intended to be the first in a series. Too bad that it tanked. The hero is all set up to get the girl, Chiun must have a whole bag of insults left, and we will never know if the soap opera character walked again.

George Lucas could have learned something from "Remo Williams." When Yoda fought Dooku he was springing around like a bouncy ball. Now, it was good and many people in the theater cheered, but notice Chiun. The old man's movements, while quick, rely mostly on skill and precision. Ever watch a master fighter? They do not have to be blazingly fast or strong; they know how and where to strike. Seeing Yoda defeat his opponent by pure skill would have been awesome and perhaps caused a little less laughter.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • The 11th Commandment is "Thou shalt not get away with it."
  • All martial arts were spawned from the fighting style of one village in Korea.
  • Hamburgers naturally contain poisons that damage the respiratory tract.
  • Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, and Napoleon were all assassinated by little Korean men.
  • Soap operas are a window into the human soul.
  • Ferris wheels were invented to train students in the martial arts.
  • Cement and quicksand are the same thing.
  • Secret defense development labs carry fire insurance.
  • Tapping on a woman's wrist with the correct rhythm will cause her to orgasm or fall asleep.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 11 mins - They cut your hair and shaved your face. Welcome to the 80's.
  • 13 mins - 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit maybe?
  • 37 mins - Hahahaha! Chiun!
  • 43 mins - This is going to suck...
  • 66 mins - A tail to counterbalance your body would be nice right now; wouldn't it?
  • 76 mins - Go and look up "disposable" in the dictionary.
  • 82 mins - I hate it when rats do that.
  • 90 mins - Twenty rounds per second? That is more than a machinegun on cyclic! How about the barrel overheating? Heck, how about the ammo consumption? I did not see any of the soldiers testing the weapons carrying belts of ammunition.
  • 97 mins - Using the bad guy's diamond tooth adornment as a glass cutter. Cool!

Quotes: 

  • Remo: "You make it sound like a public service."
    Chiun: "Professional assassination: it's the highest form of public service."
  • Cop: "Now, I am going to kick your skinny white ass all up and down this street if you don't stop kung fuing that man's throat! Now move it!"

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note remo1.wav Chiun: "He move like a baboon...with two club feet!"
Green Music Note remo2.wav MacCleary: "Didn't I tell you? We don't use that 'bang bang' stuff. Your mind and your body become your weapon. That's what your new pal Chiun is going to teach you."
Green Music Note remo3.wav Remo: "You know, Chiun, there are times when I really like you."
Chiun: "Of course! I am Chiun!"
Remo: "And there are times when I could really kill you."
Chiun: "Good! We will practice that after dinner."
Green Music Note remo4.wav Fleming: "Excuse me, but I do have a name."
Chiun: "Women should stay home and make babies. Preferably man child."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

ImageImageImage
ImageImageImage
ImageImage


 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipremo1.mpg - 2.8m
Remo meets Chiun for the first time. He thinks that the little Korean man is marked for assassination, but, in reality, the martial arts master is appraising his pupil. Remo does plenty of damage to himself and the furniture. Chiun emerges unscathed.

 Leave a commentEXTRASBuy the movie 

Share It!Buy the movieIMDB Logo
Stumble This ReviewStumble This Review
Digg This ReviewDigg This Review
Buy it from Amazon.com (United States)

Internet Movie Database


Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3 4
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins
Reply #1. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Greg
God I loved this movie as a kid. I grew up on reading my dad's hand-me-down Destroyer & Executioner novels. They were great part satire part bloodfest, all action. I handed in some interesting book reports in 4th grade.

Does anyone remember Jake Speed? It was about a family that hires a "men's fiction" character to rescue a daughter (i think). John Hurt played the villain.
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins
Reply #2. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by UnRepentant
Damn, but I loved this film.  This is a true Cheesesteak Theater Classic.  So cheesy, so satisfying.  At one time I had close to 75 of the Destroyer novels.  You could rip thru one in about two hours.  Great park your brain at the door fun.

Yes, it has to be said:  Chuin IS The Man!
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins
Reply #3. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by marco
This movie was nomminated for a Golden Globe in 1985! It didn't win, but it deserved to.
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins
Reply #4. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Radar
There was a pilot shot for a Remo Williams TV series years ago.  I only remember one scene of interest though, Chiun, breaking down the fourth-wall and addressing the audience, said while Remo was climbing up the side of a wall; "Notice how overfed American student climbs like drunken gorilla." I sprayed Coke outta my nose at this line.  Don't even remember the story or why Remo was climbing the wall though.

Meow!
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins
Reply #5. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Swamprat
Terrific Movie! I saw it when it was first released to cable years ago. Fred Ward's one of those actors that just pops up everywhere. In one film he's wadding through giant monster s**t, in the next, he's a dead on serious character actor giving an Oscar worthy performance. Like an American Michael Caine, you never know where he's gonna pop up. And...like Caine, Ernest Borgnine, Rod Stieger, and several others...no matter how bad the movie is, you'll never see a "bad" performance from him. No matter how s**tty the script, how hokie the story, or how many plot holes litter the way...Fred Ward's a fine actor, dramatic or funny, the guy's a favorite of mine. I find him very, very, funny in this movie. A prototype urban slob-tough-street cop, transformed into an elite James Bondish-ultra-fine-tuned-upper level-secret agent-assassin. The poor guy doesn't have a clue at first. WHY ME? I loved how he got his new name. This whole film is one giant tongue-in-cheek roller coaster ride. And like Buckaroo B. it left me wondering if there was going to be sequels. Or was that just part of the parody? My favorite scene is the one where after months of failing to jump from pedistal to pedistal, one foot at a time, high above the floor, or hero finally succeeds. He shows off for his teacher, the Master Joel Grey, and ends up standing on the highest point, balanced daintely on one foot. A proud and somewhat arrogant child showing off for his father. He wants to know what the Master thinks of him now. The Master simply says, "Now, come back down..." Flips the lights OFF and walks away to watch his beloved soap opera on his fingertips, leaving our super-hero-agent-in training to eat the hardwood floor or spend the night doing the stork alone in the darkness. Kate was wasted in this movie...she usually is in anything she appears in. It's a shame actresses like her have to appear on television to get good roles and exposure. Remo Williams is one of those oddball films that come around ever so often. I remember most Critics liking it, but not recommending it...a guilty pleasure sort of thing for many of them. I don't think anyone went to see it in theatres. Like Buckaroo B. I think it was a film that was made out of Sync. Wrong place, wrong time, fell through the cracks. Really a shame. If you like Super-secret-agent type movies, or great parodies of the genre...Remo Williams is a must. Fred Ward fans, (Yes, we exist)...He's just as good as always. Joel Grey, I hated him in Cabaret, didn't deserve that Oscar for it, should have gotten it here. If you didn't read the credits, you wouldn't have a clue this was him. You would swear he was an Asian character actor. And Kate is one sexy woman in a uniform...I wish she would've had a real part in the film. Her scenes in the logging truck rollover are great as was the look on her and Fred's faces when they find the Master stuck in the wreckage...in the glove box! He isn't happy and lets them know it. Great little overlooked gem of a movie. Rent and enjoy!
   
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins
Reply #6. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by da Mojoman
Yes. Chiun is THE MAN! what can be added to the comment already made? Perhaps only that this movie was based on a series of books written by Richard Sapir and Warren Murphy called The Destroyer (as in 'I am created, Shiva, destroyer and creator of worlds'). To truly experience Chiun, you must read them. You can also check out a Destroyer (more accurately a Chiun) website at http://www.sinanju.com/ .
I used to have about 33 of the books but they were misplaced in one move and I suspect they wound up at a used book store.
Like the Mack Bolan series, these books are pablum for the mind but they are worth the read if for no other reason than to give you your daily sarcastic wit fix.
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins
Reply #7. Posted on March 09, 2003, 10:35:13 PM by DARKWOLF
One of my favorite action film of all time I wish I went to see it at the movie theater back then. Fred Ward is really good in this film just like in Time Rider Joel Gray is great as Chiun. I love The Destroyer books I only got one but gonna try to find all of them. On that web site sinanju.com I found out there are a Sinanju in North Korea I bet they do that kind of martial arts there if they do I would like to visted there to get teached.
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins
Reply #8. Posted on March 09, 2003, 10:39:25 PM by Yannick
I just love Remo Williams i wanna buy this one on DVD, this movie is great.
Pages: [1] 2 3 4
 Share on Facebook
RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


Recommended Articles
How To Find A Bad Movie

The Champions of Justice

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Manos, The Hands of Fate

Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

The Human Tornado

Maniac

The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

Do you have a zombie plan?

FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact
Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with Fair Use, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.