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ROCK 'N' ROLL NIGHTMARE - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1987 Thunder Films Inc.
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • John Triton - John Mikl Thor! It's Thor! Quiet and unassuming lead singer of the band until he reveals his true nature.
  • Randy - John's woman. Demon fodder.
  • Stig and Lou Anne - He has an amazingly horrid Australian accent, she's the bitch of the group. Both are taken by demons.
  • Max and Dee Dee - Two goofballs who have been waiting for just the right chance to jump in the sack. She's pretty attractive, from the neck down. A demonic little kid takes care of them.
  • Roger and Mary - Recent newlyweds and oh boy are they annoying about it. Mr. and Mrs. Goody Two Shoes get eaten by a demon in the kitchen.
  • Phil - Nerdy manager of the band, a fake version of Lou Anne gets naked then chews his shoulder off. For some odd reason he's not in the credits?
  • Four Groupies - Girls who show up to, um, socialize with the band. Presumed demon kibble.
  • Satan - Lord of Hell who also owns this small farmhouse outside Toronto. Defeated by Thor!

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Any movie produced by the lead singer of a regional rock band is going to be interesting my friends. Particularly so when that guy's name is Thor! (Hehehe!) We start off the story with a seemingly unrelated short where a housewife is eaten by her stove. After that, treat of treats, one is allowed to watch a van driving down the road for about five minutes, but finally the vehicle arrives at the very same farmhouse where mom was cooked and out steps Thor! (Yes, every time you see that name there will be an exclamation mark on the end.) David Lee Roth's more girthful twin has transported his band to this secluded farmhouse to kindle their artistic spirit. That fails miserably, not entirely due to their deaths either. Evil forces in the house consume Triton's band one by one, sometimes two at a time, but you know what I mean. In case you're wondering, Dee Dee is the only female who actually plays in the band, the other girls are just along for the ride. I'm a little confused about Dee Dee, on one hand - she has a nice body, on the other - her face scares me. (Plus she kisses like Liv Tyler.) Where were we? Oh yes, everyone except Thor! has been eaten. Randy, who is actually Satan at this point, wanders up to him and transforms into true form. Just in case the previous seventy minutes of silliness wasn't enough, Thor! jumps up and transforms into his true form! He's an archangel! Who wears lots of hairspray and a studded thong! And all those "people" Satan just finished killing? They were "shadows" created by the angel to lure him out! "Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare" tends to give me the giggles and after a group of us watched it someone even mentioning "Thor!" would turn us all into laughing idiots.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Housewives lead pretty dangerous lives in Canada, one out of one will be killed in an unfortunate accident involving the oven.
  • To emphasize a point women grab their breasts. (It's like underlining words in a sentence.)
  • Woman love to do the dishes.
  • Newlyweds are damn annoying.
  • Australian guys never take their sunglasses off, even for sex.
  • Never keep leftovers too long in a haunted house.
  • Thor! naked is a very bad thing.
  • If you create "shadows" of people to lure Satan out and have sex with one it must not be masturbation. (Anyone? Catholics?)
  • John Mikl Thor is an archangel.
  • Divinities wear lots of eyeliner.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 10 mins - Let's do something, I for one am tired of watching this van drive down the road.
  • 13 mins - Can anyone in this movie act? I know
  • 24 mins - That's a sock puppet, I cannot believe they used a sock puppet.
  • 27 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 36 mins - When Mogwai attack.
  • 45 mins - This demon is not all bad; he turned off the music.
  • 51 mins - I thought he said the lake was private? It's about a hundred yards from the house and in the middle of a field!
  • 52 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 57 mins - Not Thor! naked, arggghhh...ugh, moles! Help!
  • 58 mins - The mechanics of these two having sex like this (you'd have to see the scene) is mind boggling.
  • 65 mins - Man, would I ever like to have a nice, refreshing, delicious Coca-Cola right now.
  • 74 mins - Somebody is throwing rubber starfish things at Thor!, and he is catching them and then acting like they are stuck to his chest!

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note rrnightmare1.wav John: "So, how do you like your rooms?"
Mary: "It's just wonderful John, really great!"
Roger: "There's no place we'd rather spend our honeymoon than with the band."
Green Music Note rrnightmare2.wav Mary: "I'm sure Phil's not dead or anything, or he would have called."
Green Music Note rrnightmare3.wav Possessed Randy: "Enough John."
John: "What are you talking about Randy?"
Possessed Randy: "We have to stop pretending, the guys won't be coming back, they're dead."
Green Music Note rrnightmare4.wav John: "I'll see you again, Old Scratch!"
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Cliprrnightmare1.mpg - 2.6m
I want you to understand the sort of film you are going to rent if this review piqued your interest. Watch in amazement as evil starfish attack Thor!, not that someone is tossing these things at him from off camera.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 ... 4 5 [6] 7 8
Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
Reply #41. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Jeff Weskamp
   This is a blatant vanity project for Jon-Mikl Thor.  The fact that his bandmates and their girlfriends were only "shadows" that he conjured up is almost a Freudian statement. But at least Jon-Mikl only spent $50,000 to make his vanity project.  Most musicians spend much more to produce their cinematic ego-trips.  Look at Neil Diamond (Jazz Singer), Brittney Spears (Crossroads), Mariah Carey (Glitter),  Vanilla Ice (Cool as Ice), the Village People (Can't Stop the Music), and the Spice Girls (Spice World).
    The funniest part of Nightmare is the scene were Thor is tearing apart the rubber cyclops-starfish.  He has the facial expression of a man struggling with a very difficult bowel movement!
Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
Reply #42. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Mr. Benalto
THOR LOGGED ON HERE AND DEFENDED HIS MOVIE! That is so rock and roll! Thor apparently married some couple in Edmonton recently. I would love Thor to do the ceremony when I get married, but only if my friends can throw rubber starfish at him while it's all going on. In response to Chip, I've had the following happen: in my local video store they're doing a huge sale on all their VHS, but they're keeping Rock and Roll Nightmare. I asked them "Why??" hoping I could get it for 3$ and they told me it was because it gets rented at least once every three months..YEAH BUT IT'S ME THAT'S RENTING IT! I recently had an opportunity to show this to a friend of mine who was visiting and he looked like he was going to CRY when Thor started his "I am the Archangel TRITON" bit....
Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
Reply #43. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Chris Schneider
SEQUAL ALERT!!!!!!! Will "The Intercessor: Rock n' Roll Nightmare Part 2" ever be produced so Jon Triton will battle bad mascara, rubber sea stars and a tin foil satan to save humanity again? I hope so. Actually, the leather lunged god also starred in a canadian film that actualy got good reviews and won an award for best short horror film(!?!) Check it out on Thorcentral.com
Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
Reply #44. Posted on May 29, 2004, 03:16:35 AM by Dan Falzone
ahh you killed no one bub.
Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
Reply #45. Posted on June 13, 2005, 08:09:37 AM by Venomsoup
Being a writer of bad films myself, I can honestly say this is the greatest bad film ever made. I love it. Thor rocks, the whole film rocks.
Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
Reply #46. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by marta
http://www.theonionavclub.com/fttf/index.php?issue=4026

RNRN lovers might want to pick up a copy of this week's Onion.
Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
Reply #47. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by sick_role
RNRN is, by far, the best of it's kind. You should check out Shock 'em Dead for some more laughs. Though, JMT isn't involved...sad. It's hard to pinpoint the best part of RNRN...the end is, without a doubt, the best ending i have ever seen. Flawless. The best song is Energy...but it's a tough call to make. The fact that they all get "Rocked Out" to rehearse in a barn is fantastic as well...oh, which leads me to mention the "state of the art 8-track recording studio" again, flawless. The scene where the kid takes a gainer while sprinting across the yard...hilarious...you know that wasn't supposed to happen...i'm laughing just thinking about it. My friends and i have seen this movie more times than we should admit...I will not stop until all of the B-rock/horror movies are unearthed...and my new purpose in life is to find "The intercessor". If ANYONE knows how i can get a copy of it or where i can find it, email me...i have money...real american money! I have already found some more titles by reading this forum...but "The Intercessor" is priority #1.

A sincere thank you to RNRN, for giving me some of the best times with my friends.

And you guys should check out Shock 'em Dead staring Traci Lords...good stuff.

"I'm just locking up the van!" dude...there's no way she could possibly hear you...or even see you...but damn, you are the nicest metal god i've ever seen...in every movie you're in...JMT ROX...though i found a picture of a "more recent" JMT and his long hair is no more...and the crowd went, "awwwww"
Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
Reply #48. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Thor Rules
Riding down the Highway is an amazing Metal song. Perfect timing for it to be played during the Starfish scene because it really helps emphasize the utter fear that Thor is going through in this scene. This movie kicks my ass off the face of the Earth. Make sure to listen closely to the cameo mentioning of Rod Stewart. And don't forget the redeeming Sam Raimi camera shot at the beginning of the credits. Hopefully Thor has more filmmaking up his studded thong.
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