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TRANSYLVANIA 6-5000 - 2 Slimes
Rated PG
Copyright 1985 New World Pictures
Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Jack - Jeff Goldblum! A sophisticated reporter who hates working for the tabloid.
  • Gil - Jack's partner, he is sort of related to the boss.
  • Elizabeth and Laura - Woman on vacation in Transylvania with her daughter, Jack wouldn't mind helping mother make another.
  • Radu and Lupu - Pair of subseviant servants, it's quite fun to watch them bicker.
  • Odette - Geena Davis! Nyphomanic who thinks she's a vampire. I still can't figure out how they kept her breasts from falling out in that outfit without using glue.
  • Dr. Malavaqua - Mad scientist at heart who is either treating or has treated all the monsters wandering around.
  • Fejos - Kramer! (Oh sure, you call him Mr. Richards by default.) Seriously unbalanced servant.
  • The Mayor and Inspector - Two corrupt public servants.
  • Madame Morovia - Old gypsy who has a cheating husband. (I'm not going to make the joke about her seeing that coming.)
  • Frankenstein - Actually a guy named Hunyadi, patched together with spare compact auto parts.
  • The Wolfman, the Mummy, and Pretzel Boy - Just a few more freaks, though the Mummy would have been interesting with a few less bandages.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Arguably not a b-movie, but borrowing large amounts of material from the genre, I'm going to review it anyway. There are plenty of good ingredients for this bucket of stew, just look at that cast of characters. Jack and Gil are sent on assignment to Transylvania by their editor. (They work for a tabloid.) While searching for Frankenstein they encounter the not-so-well-adjusted inhabitants, including my favorites Radu and Lupi. There's nothing quite like a hunchback who is desperately trying to avoid is "helpful" wife for a laugh. (I was a little frightened when she was coyley hinting at being naked for him, actually picked up the box to assure myself it said PG.) Fejos is another riot, one moment he's sticking fake limbs between the door and frame, the next it's time to smell everything. "Here, smell the glass, is good yes?" What's surprising is that the two goofy reporters learn Frankenstein is real, Dr. Malavaqua being the resident mad scientist. Let me rephrase that, he's a part time mad scientist only trying to help people on a limited budget. It seems the Mayor and Inspector are siphoning off the public medical funds to line their own pockets, forcing Malavaqua into using spare car parts on his patients. Hunyadi (Hyundai?) at least, I can't imagine Odette having any Japanese parts in her, not that she would mind you understand. After a brief ruckus when Gil runs into pretty much every freak in the forest, subsequenty rides the Wolfman piggyback, and Frank rescues him there is one hurdle left. Convincing Transylvania's townspeople not to grab torches and burn the "monsters" just for old times. Elizabeth proves remarkably helpful in deterring them, as only a crazed single mother holding broken glass can.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Tabloid editors are into amatuer scatology.
  • It's difficult to take someone seriously when they're wearing a sweater with multicolored triangles on it.
  • Jeff Goldblum must have darn good hearing. (Look at him face on, you'll get it.)
  • Cultures the world over quote American sayings, sometimes badly.
  • The last thing you expect in a wine glass is lemon juice.
  • Gypsies go through lots of tables.
  • Give some butch European woman a crop and they immediately start whacking a guy across the butt with it.
  • Lycanthropy is easily cured with Nair.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 2 mins - I sure hope alien creatures aren't using my body for sex while I sleep.
  • 12 mins - At some point in that woman's family tree there is a horse.
  • 14 mins - Kramer!
  • 15 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A DOLL!
  • 33 mins - Now there is some unnecessary verbal imagry.
  • 36 mins - Is he using a curtain as a blanket?
  • 69 mins - The Lady of the Lake is feeling Gil up!
  • 89 mins - Hello Mummy...
  • 90 mins - Baby Igor, oh good.

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note transylvania1.wav Jack: "Mack, this is crap."
Mack: "Crap? I like crap; I love crap; I need crap! Crap is what sells newspapers. Look around you, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!"
Gil: "May I say, I have no problem with crap."
Green Music Note transylvania2.wav Lupi: "Yes Master"
Radu: "I am not your master, you are my wife!"
Lupi: "Right, I'm your wife master!"
Radu: "Go away Lupi, I can not stand subordinates."
Lupi: "Neither can I, I'll stay away."
Green Music Note transylvania3.wav Radu: "Once and for all, stay away from me, don't touch me, leave me alone..."
Green Music Note transylvania4.wav Odette: "Oh I love him so much it hurts."
Malavaqua: "What do you know about love nymphonese? If I didn't have you chained to the wall no man in this town would be safe! Stop that, I'm your doctor, get against the wall!"
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Cliptransylvania1.mpg - 2.0m
Odette is looking for something to suck.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 [2]
Transylvania 6-5000
Reply #9. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Asylum
Mmmmm, Odette! Although I thought the movie was funny in my youth (actually, I still rather enjoy it), Geena Davis was the first sexy female vampire that I'd ever seen on screen, and for that T6-5K will always have a special place in my movie collection.
Transylvania 6-5000
Reply #10. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Mictantecutli
This is a trash classic! It's even available on DVD with DIRECTOR'S COMMENTARY! (on R1 only).
Transylvania 6-5000
Reply #11. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by M
Oh, and I love Lee Holdridge's ending theme. "Is fun, no?"
Re: Transylvania 6-5000
Reply #12. Posted on June 01, 2008, 04:33:29 PM by Aaron
Just got done watching this and man is it a piece of junk. Sure the cast is great and there's some amusing bits, but does it have to be so tedious and unfunny? Plus the ending sucks. Transylvania Twist is stupid too, but at least it's kind of fun.
Re: Transylvania 6-5000
Reply #13. Posted on October 26, 2010, 09:11:45 PM by lola
 I love this movie I wish they would play it around halloween more often. Favorite part. Now do there. Now do there. There. There. Now do there. Lol classic!
Re: Transylvania 6-5000
Reply #14. Posted on November 27, 2010, 01:02:05 AM by Emma
Sad as it is, I actually liked this movie. I'd watch it again if I owned it.

Also, Jeff Goldblum in tartan bathrobe scene = love. Hot danggggg. <3
Re: Transylvania 6-5000
Reply #15. Posted on December 05, 2010, 04:38:29 AM by erica schuler
i dont know what all ya'll are talking, about i love this movie and always will, ppl who dont like this movie dont have to watch it, but most of the world dont have a sense of humor anyway...
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