ZARKORR! THE INVADER
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| Rated PG
| | Copyright 1996 Monster Island Entertainment
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Tommy - Postal worker who is chosen by an advanced alien consortium to defend Earth.
- Stephanie - Scientist who specializes in unknown animals. (Is there a big career in this?)
- George - Police Officer who has a serious conspiracy complex.
- Arthur - Computer whiz who is at Stephanie's beck and call.
- The Proctor - Hologram of a tiny (Less than a foot tall.) mall tramp who is sent to brief Tommy.
- Zarkorr! The Invader - The huge monster which will destroy Earth unless Tommy stops it.
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| You get darn little monster out of this "monster movie" my friends. What you do get is a postal employee tasked with defending Earth against a 180 foot tall advesary. Zarkorr looks fairly cool, unfortunately the special effects around him are not. I found some of the dialog extremely entertaining though, especially the way people act upon finding out Tommy works for the U.S. Postal Service. Our hero is visited by "The Proctor" who dumps a whole load of whoop-ass in his lap, he must stop Zarkorr or Earth will be destroyed! So he manages to recruit Stephanie, George, and Arthur to assist him and together they come up with a plan. A plan which involves Tommy going toe to toe with this titan! I'll leave the ending a surprise so I don't ruin it for you... |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- TV sets in New Jersey can pick up the news in Japan.
- Superior beings have no common sense.
- One out of every two cops are serious alien conspiracy-theory freaks.
- The National Guard uses Stinger air-to-air missles against rampaging monsters.
- Computer hackers are always slightly insane, paralyzed from the waist down, unwashed, and able to hack NORAD.
- Giant monsters are classified as endangered species.
- Monsters cause nearby buildings to explode for no obvious reason.
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- 3 mins - Laser sounds, holes being punched out of the mountain, strange lights - and these idiots yell, "Avalanche?"
- 32 mins - Who cocked their pistol? George? Nope... ...Tommy? Nope... ...the other cop? Nope... ...well darn, I know I heard it.
- 35 mins - This Newark, NJ police car has no barrier between the front and back?
- 40 mins - It was just pitch black but 5 minutes later it looks to be noon?
- 46 mins - Arthur is typing! Really!
- 73 mins - In the close-ups he is holding the shield from the other side?
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | zarkorr1.wav
| Zarkorr Roaring.
| | zarkorr2.wav
| Tommy: "No I'm not a mailman. I'm a postal employee, there's a difference."
| | zarkorr3.wav
| Security Guard: "This is a gun, put down the c-stand or I will take this gun and shoot you and then you will die."
| | zarkorr4.wav
| Reporter: "Jesus Christ no! It's still coming, it hasn't even been touched! It's shooting lightning bolts from it's eyes, the planes are being blown from the sky one by one!"
| | Theme Song | Listen to a clip from the soundtrack. | |
| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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| Zarkorr! The Invader
Reply #1. Posted on March 29, 1999, 03:07:40 PM by whamontree@hotmail.com
More Zarkorr, less postal employee and his idiot friends. It's nice to see someone who cares enough to make cheap monster movies these days.
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| Zarkorr! The Invader
Reply #2. Posted on April 28, 1999, 08:05:42 PM by
I had sex with the girl who plays "proctor" her name is jen Gay and she lives in Florida. shes a total whore though.
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Reply #3. Posted on May 25, 1999, 09:02:09 AM by bear@badmovies.org
Yeah, but was it any good? Bragging rights, I suppose... but do you really wanna say, "Hey, I knocked the bottom out of that chick in Zarkorr!?" I wouldn't admit to that... well, maybe I would, since she's pretty attractive... but that whole being in Zarkorr thing... I dunno.
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Reply #4. Posted on March 24, 2000, 03:28:54 PM by Paul H.
I was going to post a comment about Zarkorr being an ok movie and all that crap but after someone sleeps with the Zarkorr chic why bother.
I can't compete with that.
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Reply #5. Posted on July 29, 2000, 03:57:05 AM by Luke
Whoa. I can't believe I wasted 82 minutes of my life watching this awful piece of horses**t.
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Reply #6. Posted on February 23, 2001, 09:51:14 AM by Draconias Galactica
Review too long for comment space. See <a href=http://dralactica.tripod.com/zarkorr.html/>my review</a> here. That is all.
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Reply #7. Posted on June 22, 2001, 05:21:22 PM by
My favorite is when the buildings are falling down, and you can not only see the lightbulb that makes the buildings light up, but you can watch the windows BOUNCE and wobble as they hit the ground!!!!! Damn - I want that proctor chic - damn you!
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Reply #8. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Paul
I watched "Zarkorr!: The Invader" as an illegally copied tape in Jamaica. (It seems all video stores in Jamaica have only illegally copied tapes). I enjoyed parts of the movie, although I had smoked a fat spliff prior to watching it. Actually, one part nearly made me pee my pants with laughter (might've been the spliff). It was a line from the main character - ended in "...until Zarkorr comes along and squashes me!" God, I watched that scene like 20 times, then I went and ate a can of condensed milk. Weed is weird.
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