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COMMANDO - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1985 Silver Pictures and 20th Century Fox
Reviewed by Bill Clark on 11 July 2001

The Characters:  

  • Col. John Matrix - Arnold Schwarzenegger! Fearless hero who will stop at nothing to save his daughter from evil men.
  • Cindy - Rae Dawn Chong! Innocent bystander turned Arnie's accomplice. Lots of bad acting and puns from her.
  • Arius - Dan Hedaya! Our villain who is determined to make Matrix perform an assassination in order to regain political power. Horrible accent! Takes about four shotgun blasts to the chest.
  • Bennett - Vernon Wells! Arius' main henchman, who also has a military past with Matrix. (What a shock!) Gets impaled by a piece of piping. Shame.
  • Jenny Matrix - Alyssa Milano! Matrix's daughter, who spends most of the movie squealing and trying to escape Arius' compound.
  • Major Gen. Franklin Kirby - Matrix's "boss," so to speak. His job is to warn Matrix of the impending danger.
  • Sully - Another one of Arius' goons. Makes for several hilarious scenes. Dropped off a cliff.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

You'd think that after "The Terminator" the bad guys would know not to mess with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

This is a movie that is hardly plot-driven. It's more of an excuse for Arnold to dispense of the baddies in as many ways as possible. Let's just say that there are plenty of them to dispense of!

In Arnold's breakthrough film (at least in terms of him having spoken lines in a movie), he is pitted against a gang of thugs commanded by Arius, an evil dictator who wants to regain his political power by assassinating the current leader (it's explained in the movie for about two minutes). Who can do the job? John Matrix of course! To up the ante, the goons kidnap his daughter, Jenny (a very young Alyssa Milano).

From here the movie basically becomes Rambo times ten. Matrix is literally a one man army, and literally takes on an army (see the last twenty minutes of the film). Arnold's presence alone makes the film a blast to watch, and his dry humor works surprisingly well.

The action sequences are frequent and extremely violent. Some of the more gruesome deaths (cutting off part of a guy's head with a sawblade, cutting off appendages, etc.) just look silly. I'm sure all who were involved knew this would be a silly movie. Nevertheless, the action is perfectly outlandish and only Arnold (well, maybe Stallone) could have pulled this one off.

But the movie is so bad! With a plethora of continuity errors, bad acting, and implausibility in general, this is an easy flick to write off as mindless fun. A must-see!

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Receiving approximately ten seconds of high voltage electricity throughout the body does NOT hamper a person's fighting skills.
  • An incinerator door, when removed for use as a shield, is NOT hot.
  • Jumping off a plane's landing gear into a swamp with a depth of about three feet does not get you wet or cause any bodily harm.
  • Expensive sports cars can repair themselves after being flipped.
  • The bad guys will NEVER shoot you when you are about to detonate a bomb.
  • It is possible to remove a piece of metal piping from a wall and impale someone with it, then have one end shoot out steam.
  • Malls have an unlimited number of cops who will spend all of their energy on one man.
  • Crashing head-on into a telephone pole does no bodily harm to you, whether you are wearing a seatbelt or not.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - That's what steroids will do for you!
  • 13 mins - Shed? That's an armory!
  • 37 mins - Did someone just push Sully out of the elevator? Nah...he was in there alone...I think.
  • 40 mins - Is that rope attached to that person's leg to assist Arnold in holding him up by one foot? Say it ain't so!
  • 42 mins - What!? I thought that car was wrecked!
  • 44 mins - Oh ok, it's wrecked again!
  • 47 mins - RANDOM ACT OF BREAKING DOWN A DOOR TO A ROOM WHERE PEOPLE ARE HAVING SEX!
  • 57 mins - What a shot by Rae Dawn!
  • 75 mins - Hasn't that "extra" been killed once before already?
  • 82 mins - Oh come on Arnold! You're stronger!
  • 83 mins - Ouch.
  • 84 mins - Ouch again.

Quotes: 

  • Matrix: "Don't disturb my friend; he's dead tired."
  • Matrix: "I eat Green Berets for breakfast"
  • Matrix: "I'll be back Bennett!" (He really says it!)
  • Matrix: "Let off some steam Bennett!"

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note commando1.wav Bad Guy: "My people have got some business with you, and if you want your kid back then you've got to cooperate. Right?"
Matrix: "Wrong!" (Gunshot)
Green Music Note commando2.wav Arius: "Your father seems to be cooperating. You will be together with him soon. Won't that be nice?"
Jenny: "Not nearly as nice as watching him smash your face in!"
Green Music Note commando3.wav Cindy having a cow.
Green Music Note commando4.wav Matrix: "Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?"
Sully: "That's right, Matrix. You did!"
Matrix: "I lied." (Sound of Sully falling a long way.)
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipcommando1.mpg - 1.9m
Arnold is making his assault on Arius' fortress and cutting a swathe through the fodder thrown before him. Watch the one guy on the far left who falls down. Must have been hit by a ricochet or something...

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 6
Commando
Reply #17. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Michael
What a great film!

Sure, the acting is crap, there are glaring continuity errors, and more-or-less everything that happens in it is preposterous, but it's still brilliant. Hell, the flaws are half the reason the film is such a classic. :)

Arnie: "Let off some steam, Bennett!"

Hehe, you'd have to have the cold, dead eyes of a killer not to love this film. 10/10 for entertainment. :D
Commando
Reply #18. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Párké
This film was awesome. It was so damn funny watching the bit in the shed where he stabs the guy with a pitchfork, then cuts off a bit of the guy's head with a sawblade, swings an axe in the guys gut, and then holds out this other guys arm to chop it off with an axe. heheheheh. I went over that in slo-mo. It was so funny watching the fat guy fall onto the hedges as well.
Commando
Reply #19. Posted on December 12, 2002, 12:53:32 PM by King Doom
Me? I like the magic big assed machine cannon he has in the final Arnie Vs. the Vagely Ethnic Legion Of Evil fight scene. It even has a magic belt that randomly changes size every few seconds!
Commando
Reply #20. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by P_Dudey
What a film!
Arnie, what a guy!
And what a fine young lady Jenny turned into to!  Wow Alyssa Milano is SO hot!

Bennett was the most annoying villain of all time, what was with that chain mail vest thing he wore - come on now it was blatantly crap even for the 80s!  Also he was quite fat and had no muscles, I mean his arms were flabby - but he still managed to give Matrix a good fight?  Then again that might have been down to the energy-boosting electricity shock he received?
Commando
Reply #21. Posted on July 01, 2003, 09:19:40 PM by The Ymir
Ah-nold kicks ass!
Commando
Reply #22. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by T.C.
Don't forget that magical yellow porsche, you know the one that rolls over and then has no damage when it drives away. This movie is a classic my girlfriend makes me watch it all the time...
Commando
Reply #23. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by lou
i can't express how much i was tripping off of this movie. If you like arnold movies or just any 80's action movie then this is for you. Plenty of killing and one-liners. my two favorite parts is the scene where he breaks the guys neck on the plane and the entire shed scene. Whoever came up with that was genius. This is definiety the one you watch with the boys.
Commando
Reply #24. Posted on November 12, 2003, 02:07:21 PM by Brad
I own the tape of this and watch it when i want a good laugh. I used to think this was the coolest movie when i was 14, but as i watch it now a few years later i cant help but laugh my ass off especially when our governor is fighting the guards in the mall. I agree about Bennet though, what the hell was he wearing? That has to be the most godawfully gay piece of clothing i have ever seen
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