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COMMANDO - 3 Slimes
Rated R
Copyright 1985 Silver Pictures and 20th Century Fox
Reviewed by Bill Clark on 11 July 2001

The Characters:  

  • Col. John Matrix - Arnold Schwarzenegger! Fearless hero who will stop at nothing to save his daughter from evil men.
  • Cindy - Rae Dawn Chong! Innocent bystander turned Arnie's accomplice. Lots of bad acting and puns from her.
  • Arius - Dan Hedaya! Our villain who is determined to make Matrix perform an assassination in order to regain political power. Horrible accent! Takes about four shotgun blasts to the chest.
  • Bennett - Vernon Wells! Arius' main henchman, who also has a military past with Matrix. (What a shock!) Gets impaled by a piece of piping. Shame.
  • Jenny Matrix - Alyssa Milano! Matrix's daughter, who spends most of the movie squealing and trying to escape Arius' compound.
  • Major Gen. Franklin Kirby - Matrix's "boss," so to speak. His job is to warn Matrix of the impending danger.
  • Sully - Another one of Arius' goons. Makes for several hilarious scenes. Dropped off a cliff.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

You'd think that after "The Terminator" the bad guys would know not to mess with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

This is a movie that is hardly plot-driven. It's more of an excuse for Arnold to dispense of the baddies in as many ways as possible. Let's just say that there are plenty of them to dispense of!

In Arnold's breakthrough film (at least in terms of him having spoken lines in a movie), he is pitted against a gang of thugs commanded by Arius, an evil dictator who wants to regain his political power by assassinating the current leader (it's explained in the movie for about two minutes). Who can do the job? John Matrix of course! To up the ante, the goons kidnap his daughter, Jenny (a very young Alyssa Milano).

From here the movie basically becomes Rambo times ten. Matrix is literally a one man army, and literally takes on an army (see the last twenty minutes of the film). Arnold's presence alone makes the film a blast to watch, and his dry humor works surprisingly well.

The action sequences are frequent and extremely violent. Some of the more gruesome deaths (cutting off part of a guy's head with a sawblade, cutting off appendages, etc.) just look silly. I'm sure all who were involved knew this would be a silly movie. Nevertheless, the action is perfectly outlandish and only Arnold (well, maybe Stallone) could have pulled this one off.

But the movie is so bad! With a plethora of continuity errors, bad acting, and implausibility in general, this is an easy flick to write off as mindless fun. A must-see!

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Receiving approximately ten seconds of high voltage electricity throughout the body does NOT hamper a person's fighting skills.
  • An incinerator door, when removed for use as a shield, is NOT hot.
  • Jumping off a plane's landing gear into a swamp with a depth of about three feet does not get you wet or cause any bodily harm.
  • Expensive sports cars can repair themselves after being flipped.
  • The bad guys will NEVER shoot you when you are about to detonate a bomb.
  • It is possible to remove a piece of metal piping from a wall and impale someone with it, then have one end shoot out steam.
  • Malls have an unlimited number of cops who will spend all of their energy on one man.
  • Crashing head-on into a telephone pole does no bodily harm to you, whether you are wearing a seatbelt or not.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 4 mins - That's what steroids will do for you!
  • 13 mins - Shed? That's an armory!
  • 37 mins - Did someone just push Sully out of the elevator? Nah...he was in there alone...I think.
  • 40 mins - Is that rope attached to that person's leg to assist Arnold in holding him up by one foot? Say it ain't so!
  • 42 mins - What!? I thought that car was wrecked!
  • 44 mins - Oh ok, it's wrecked again!
  • 47 mins - RANDOM ACT OF BREAKING DOWN A DOOR TO A ROOM WHERE PEOPLE ARE HAVING SEX!
  • 57 mins - What a shot by Rae Dawn!
  • 75 mins - Hasn't that "extra" been killed once before already?
  • 82 mins - Oh come on Arnold! You're stronger!
  • 83 mins - Ouch.
  • 84 mins - Ouch again.

Quotes: 

  • Matrix: "Don't disturb my friend; he's dead tired."
  • Matrix: "I eat Green Berets for breakfast"
  • Matrix: "I'll be back Bennett!" (He really says it!)
  • Matrix: "Let off some steam Bennett!"

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note commando1.wav Bad Guy: "My people have got some business with you, and if you want your kid back then you've got to cooperate. Right?"
Matrix: "Wrong!" (Gunshot)
Green Music Note commando2.wav Arius: "Your father seems to be cooperating. You will be together with him soon. Won't that be nice?"
Jenny: "Not nearly as nice as watching him smash your face in!"
Green Music Note commando3.wav Cindy having a cow.
Green Music Note commando4.wav Matrix: "Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?"
Sully: "That's right, Matrix. You did!"
Matrix: "I lied." (Sound of Sully falling a long way.)
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipcommando1.mpg - 1.9m
Arnold is making his assault on Arius' fortress and cutting a swathe through the fodder thrown before him. Watch the one guy on the far left who falls down. Must have been hit by a ricochet or something...

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 6
Commando
Reply #9. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Ashton Burgess
This has got to be one of the coolest films of all time, but, did anyone notice the string holding sully up when hes about to be dropped? They might aswell be hardcore SAS ropes they were so blatant.  Also, when sully runs arnie down after he chases him out of the shopping mall, did anyone else noticce the size of the forehead on the stuntman? I mean come on now, get the net, sh'yeah!!!
Commando
Reply #10. Posted on September 25, 2001, 04:09:37 PM by -DingeR-
This is the best film I have ever seen in my life, truely stunning, a work of a genious, a piece of art. Thank you, always, -DingeR-
Commando
Reply #11. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by sz22man
I don't think anybody's mentioned it, But There's a scene where Arnold (after he has successful gained access to the bad ones property) Where he picks up  an AK. I'd like to call this Ak, the AK of infinity, because it didn't seem to run out of ammo.

Another scene, is where he enters the little shed in the yard. All those evil guys, fire into the house, easily missing a gargantuan like Arnold. And he comes out with a hand-axe (I believe) and a chain saw and handles them properly.

I still think those are the two best scenes in the movie.
Commando
Reply #12. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Justin Burke
Simply put, this is the BEST movie ever. Me and my friend watch it everyday, it's just too hilarious pointing out the faults and bad (but so funny) acting job by the cast. I think Bennet is the greastest villan ever, just look at the guy. The whole cast was picked perfectly even down to the small role characters. Every line the movie will make you roll on the floor laughing its that good. And last but not least is the soundtrack simply amazing it pumps you up before arnold starts his body count!

"don't disturb my friend he's dead tired" lol
Commando
Reply #13. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by Joseph Murphy (Ireland)
God what a film commando is!

God knows how many times ive watched it now, don`t get me wrong its absolute crap but hey, its all a bit of fun right!?

Oh!, when arnie is blasting his way towards the mansion, did eveyone see the guys been thrown into the air by flippers, after arnie tosses his grenades/water baloons?

Who would miss it!

Commando is a joke, if it was food i`d throw it out!
I love it though!
Commando
Reply #14. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by IvorBighardon
I'm not sure of the actual minutes of the film, but towards the end just before the bit where arnie goes into the shed thing, he throws a grenade at 2 gaurds and they do a straight vertical flip...pretty cool but you can clearly see the flipper pads in the background. Also when Arnie is shot at, he dives into some flowers and it seems as if there is a well placed mat there... anyway great site a good film too. The bit with Sully over the cliff is awesome.
Commando
Reply #15. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by ian
this is to be his greatest film of all time were you just kick ass. Iv seen this film about 6 to 700 times its cool.
 When it came to the cinema here in the uk I saw it every day for 3 weeks here, it got better and better every time I saw it. If anyone knows how to get the music or soundtrack let me know please iv been trying ever since the film came out and im not giving up because its a great soundtrack.
 Iv got two version of the film the uk and usa they are both different.10/10
Commando
Reply #16. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by IvorBighardon
Hello, me again. I just wanted to tell of some more funny bits i noticed in this cool film.
1) the bit when arnie drops sully, he drives away in the dented car...and its in immaculate condition.
2) arnire shoots a guard on the roof, the guard falls, and lands on a huge bright blue mat, can it be any more blatant?
3)When arnie jumps into the swamp from the plane, he gets soaked but the next scene he is perfectly dry.... get the net schyeah.
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