Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"

Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT


CRADLE OF FEAR - 3 Slimes
Not Rated
Copyright 2001 Creature Effects
Reviewed by Lee Bailes on 'a long time ago'

The Characters:  

  • Street Thugs - Die brutally after mugging girly goth type.
  • The Man - Danni Filth. Girly goth type (of the band CRADLE OF FILTH), supposed to be Satanic powered hit man. About as scary as a Scooby Doo bad guy. I expected him to say 'and I would have got away with it if...'.
  • Mel - Played by Emily Boufante. (Rrrrrrrruff!) She'd give a dog a bone. Plays a goth looking for love and looking in all the wrong places. Gets impregnated with more than she bargained for.
  • Nikki - Mel's friend, also hot. Strange how all the girls in this film are? She finds out that touching your friends can have dire consequences.
  • Sophie and Emma - Two street tough girls who decide to rob an old man. Also feel the need to wear very little. Strange...?
  • Old Man - Deaf old coot who is storing the budget for this film under his bed; gets a rude awakening and takes far more punishment than any pensioner should.
  • Nick - One legged coke-snorting gangster and morally challenged motorist, desperate to prove he is a real man.
  • Natalie - Played by Eileen Daly (also of the canine bone donation society), Nicks' wife and fellow coke-snorter. She proves not to be fussy about licking stumps, but ends up paying the price for hubby's indiscretions all the same.
  • Richard Neilson - Psychopathic internet company employee who decides that checking out snuff web sites isn't satisfying enough and has trouble picturing female employees without gags and ropes.
  • Detective Neilson - Foul mouthed detective investigating the various bloody deaths. Has a new way of taking a pulse that could cause outrage in the ER.
  • Kemper - Serial Killer offspring of Aleister Crowley who decides to wipe out the offspring of all the people who put him away using questionable hygiene and Black Magic.
  • Dwarf - Short.
  • Police - Die brutally after vomiting copiously.


The Plot: 

This is an anthology film that links four short stories together.

Kemper is a child killer and cannibal who wants revenge on the people who sent him down. He uses poor penmanship and blood from pricking his finger to contract 'The Man' to kill them in E-vil and satanic ways. The Man walks like a bad cross between 'The Crow' and Freddy Kreuger with goth spiky rings and big boots. We see Detective Neilson check the pulse of one victim before we see what happened.

Two goth vamps go clubbing. Mel is in search of her 'Dark Prince' and spies him across a crowded dance floor (filmed in a pub I frequent - very convincingly shot to make it appear club like). After seducing him with her slow striptease, they make the 'beast' with two backs (literally) and he disappears. Feeling used and abused she showers and pukes, running through the streets having "Jacob's Ladder" visions of demonic faces. She thinks she is tripping and runs to her friend Nikki. At night they both find out what can happen when you don't use contraception as the room is bathed in blood after a DIY abortion.

Next, two girls decide to break into a house when the old pensioner who lives there is out. Stumbling around in the dark, they eventually find his money stashed under the bed. They also find out the old guy is still there as he leaps at them from his bed. After bludgeoning him to death, they realize he had his hearing aid off, before he again pops up, this time to be stabbed, pops up, beaten again, before eventually dying. After bathing together, Sophie decides she can't trust Emma and decides to keep it all for herself. She 'offs' Emma, cleans up and knocks herself out on the landing, only to wake up in the morning and find the bodies have gone. After running home and stripping off in the kitchen she admires the money, then toasts her success before a very dead Emma rams the bottle into her eye as the old man throttles the last breath from her body.

Next, a coke snorting couple drive around London running over drunks before popping back to have rampant stumpy love. Except the husband can't go through with it, even when presented with Eileen Daly's gorgeous charms as he feels like half a man, with only one leg. He is assured by his morally corrupt GP (not realizing the desperate lengths Nick will go to) that a new leg could be grafted on, providing there is a donor limb. He decides to pay a visit to an old friend with the worst hygiene in England (God knows why he believes this guy's leg would graft onto anything other than fungus) and promptly shoots and dismembers him. After the leg is sewn on, Nick is plagued by bad dreams and decides when it is finally rehabilitated, he will show his wife how much of a man he is. They go on another coke spree to warm up before a night of passion, only to have the possessed limb spring into life and take over the driving. The car crashes and ruins any chance of another gratuitous breast shot.

Lastly, Detective Neilsons' son is busy compiling a report on snuff and pedophilia sites for a web company. He stumbles across a snuff site called the 'Sick Room' where you can pay to have people killed in the method of your choosing. He takes one of the girls from the office out on a date, only to leave her looking like a crash victim. His boss and colleagues are suspicious when she doesn't return to work and get increasingly annoyed by his frustrated rantings as he tries to access the Sick Room again and again. He is fired and, after he spends all his money killing someone on the site, degenerates into a homeless bum. He is obsessed by finding out about the site, eventually being lured to a cottage in North London and finding out where they get the victims for the site. The moral being: make sure you pay your subscription fees or is it curiosity killed the cat?

We don't care as we are desensitized to all violence and gore by this time (we believe) as Detective Neilson, intent on revenge, goes to visit Kemper. Forcing his way into Kemper's cell in the asylum, he shoots Kemper before the room is filled with security guards in padded riot gear. The Man enters and we realize there is still more gore in store as he lays waste to the entire squad of guards. He attends to Kemper who we realize is his father before carelessly loosing his head in a gunshot blast. Just when we think Neilson will have the last laugh, an Alien/Demon/Spider-ish thing leaps from The Man's head and the film thankfully ends.

I did love this film, breast shots and gore alike, although it is a shock to the senses. I admit, I would have chosen to spare the budget and audience a lot of the gore and go for atmosphere, but it still rocks in its own way. The quality of some of the scenes could improve with budget, the acting wasn't all bad, but they achieved so much with so little and should be lauded for flipping the bird to the British censors in such a dramatic way. Bring two vomit bags when viewing this one.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Taking drugs will get you into all kinds of trouble kids! Don't do it.
  • Taking drugs and driving will cause you to run over people, but stop you giving a toss.
  • Sleeping with girly goths will leave you feeling dirty and used. Sleep with real men instead.
  • All women must have naturally amazing breasts and like touching them or having them touched.
  • Watching porn and snuff content on the Internet will make you a sad junky psychopath in a montage lasting ten minutes.
  • When disemboweling cats you will find the offal falls nicely onto a plate and, even though cats have hearts the size of a cow's, you will be able to swallow it all in one go - if you are Evil (pronounced E-vil).

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 2 mins - Watch how diminutive Man can crush heads like putty.
  • 5 mins - Detective takes pulse the way women wish George Clooney would.
  • 10 mins - Extended stripping and gratuitous breast shot.
  • 60 mins - Bottle of whisky is used to remove hair from eye.
  • 80 mins - Another random breast shot with bonus stump licking.
  • 120 mins - Danni Filth proves why his voice was digitized to make him sound more E-vil before his head explodes.

Quotes: 

  • (While Detective squeezes corpse's breast) Crime Scene guy: "It's just his way."
  • (Referring to pulse taking method) Chief: "How long has this been going on?"
    Neilson: "About seven years."
  • Nick: "You've got something I want. No, not the f**cking rug; you're standing on it!"


 Leave a commentEXTRASBuy the movie 

Share It!Buy the movieIMDB Logo
Stumble This ReviewStumble This Review
Digg This ReviewDigg This Review
Buy it from Amazon.com (United States)

Buy it from Movies Unlimited (United States)

Internet Movie Database


Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 [2]
Cradle of Fear
Reply #9. Posted on January 28, 2003, 08:41:04 PM by Danni (no not Danni filth!)
Well, I listen to REAL goth music like Bauhaus, Sisters of Mercy, Christian Death etc... but I still enjoyed this gory gem!
Cradle of Fear
Reply #10. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Gemma
I'm not the biggest fan of Cradle of Filth, and I don't think I ever will be, but I do really love Dani Filth alot. In fact the only reason I watched Cradle of Fear was because he was in it. I only saw it a couple of days ago with my friends, and at first we thought it was a dud movie and we could'nt stop laughing. 10 mins in, my friend ash said 'Is this still the menu?'...lol. But then we got use to the bad effects and so on, and began to love it. I don't think I would of liked it if Dani Hadn't been in it. But since he was, it was great.
Cradle of Fear
Reply #11. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by
Who thinks Dani Filth is better than Marilyn Manson
They both my gods :]
Re: Cradle of Fear
Reply #12. Posted on October 31, 2008, 09:51:39 AM by Sami.
Wow. Worst movie I've ever seen, hands down.
I got it a couple years back when I was still into Cradle of Filth [until I eventually realized how boring they are after just seeing Gwar.] and was extremely excited to see it.

It was pretty awful. I'm not entirely sure how all the characters connect, if at all. Also, the effects were even more lame than the first hellrasier. :P Though, I do own this movie.. and fully intend to torture anyone i know with it. [because it's so awful] :D

Also, in regards to the other comments: what the f**k? what's with this all, "OMG DANI FILTH AND MARILYN MANSON." I do love Mister Manson, but he is a genius. Dani? I can't take the guy seriously. In fact, I can't even take the genre seriously. Black metal? come on, who likes that s**t --and equally enjoys the completely different sounding Manson? [Probably his newer stuff, you all sound like your 13.] Man, listen to Skinny Puppy. You want genius? Check out Nivek Ogre and cEvin Key. They're great.
Re: Cradle of Fear
Reply #13. Posted on October 31, 2008, 10:01:49 AM by Psycho Circus
Wow. Worst movie I've ever seen, hands down.
I got it a couple years back when I was still into Cradle of Filth [until I eventually realized how boring they are after just seeing Gwar.] and was extremely excited to see it.

It was pretty awful. I'm not entirely sure how all the characters connect, if at all. Also, the effects were even more lame than the first hellrasier. :P Though, I do own this movie.. and fully intend to torture anyone i know with it. [because it's so awful] :D

Also, in regards to the other comments: what the f**k? what's with this all, "OMG DANI FILTH AND MARILYN MANSON." I do love Mister Manson, but he is a genius. Dani? I can't take the guy seriously. In fact, I can't even take the genre seriously. Black metal? come on, who likes that s**t --and equally enjoys the completely different sounding Manson? [Probably his newer stuff, you all sound like your 13.] Man, listen to Skinny Puppy. You want genius? Check out Nivek Ogre and cEvin Key. They're great.

Most of these posts are 2 years ago and currently, I don't think there is any member under 16. I've seen Cradle Of Fear, only because the gorgeous Emily Booth starred in it - it is terrible, hailed in this country (England) at one time for being some artsy, B-movie masterpiece!? I don't rate either Manson or Cradle Of Filth, but I would say even CoF are more talented than Mr. Manson. Saying that, CoF have built a career out of completely ripping off Sabbat.

I don't see the point of trying to slag off other people's tastes, it's just going to start arguements that are pointless. We have a few posters on here who like Black Metal, I myself don't mind bits of it. Some of it is awful, but yes, alot of the actual bands themselves don't take it seriously - at the end of the day it's just music. Mind your s***s and f***s  Smile
Re: Cradle of Fear
Reply #14. Posted on May 12, 2009, 02:51:57 PM by Cradle Of Filth Fun
Cradle Of Fear is one of the best movies, with enough blood, snuff and all kind of Satanic stuff that makes this film interesting ! Effects are bad just because the film is old, but if this film has been created nowadays, it'd just be so great ! Film is full with music and posters of Cradle Of Filth, but that's not a problem  Smile ! Grats to the people who made this film by doing their best and we hope for a Cradle Of Fear 2 or Cradle Of Fear 1 again but with some modern effects and maybe some new songs of Cradle Of Filth ! Thanks to Dani and all the other people again  Cheers

keep it going
     FOR METAL !!
Pages: 1 [2]
 Share on Facebook
RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


Recommended Articles
How To Find A Bad Movie

The Champions of Justice

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Manos, The Hands of Fate

Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

The Human Tornado

Maniac

The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

Do you have a zombie plan?

FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

Lesson Learned:
  • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact
Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with Fair Use, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.