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DUNE - 3 Slimes
Rated PG-13
Copyright 1984 Dino de Laurentiis
Reviewed by Davey Whipwreck on 15 August 2001

The Characters:  

  • Paul - Kyle MacLachlan! Big-haired son of a duke, messiah, and super being.
  • The Fremen - A bunch of dirty people who live in the desert and have blue eyes.
  • Chani - Sean Young! She instantly becomes Paul's lover because he had a dream about her once.
  • Stilgar - Paul's (future) best friend and leader of the Fremen. The chief of "giving Paul a knowing glance." Makes lots of weird "UNH!" sounds for no apparent reason.
  • The Baron - Angry fat guy who can fly.
  • Feyd-Rautha - Sting! The Baron's evil nephew. Has messy, orange hair and wears a kinky black body suit. Has only mastered the emotions of "arrogant" and "looking up arrogantly, covered in blood, with a knife in the face."
  • Rabban - Bluto from that Popeye movie! The Baron's evil nephew. Has messy, orange hair and wears a kinky black body suit. Has only mastered the emotions of "evil glee" and "decapitated evil glee."
  • The Guild Navigator - A giant tumor that floats around in a big box and has the ability to make planets (or something) with beams of light from it's anus-like mouth.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Dune is an awesome book by Frank Herbert. Then David Lynch made it into a movie with an all-star cast and kind of screwed it up in places by leaving out three or four of the main characters altogether and confusing the hell out of us. The story begins with Princess Irulan (who you may recognize as "that chick from 'Candyman'") giving us a rough outline of the future. Basically, it's the year 10,191 and there is this special spice that everyone needs to travel through space and read minds and such.

Then we are taken to the Emperor of the known universe's palace. It's surrounded by several confusing things (like a guy with a metal nose) but it is actually a few seconds later where all sense is abandoned, as a giant tumor in a tank rolls in and a bald woman sits in another room thinking about him. If you look closely to the left of the tank, one of the guildsmen falls over. Hahaha!

So, then we move on to the Atreides family. There's this guy called Leto who is the Duke and his son Paul, the hero of the story. To cut a long story short, they all move to a big desert planet (where the special spice comes from) and they all get attacked in a plot by the Emperor and the Harkonnens (a bunch of evil, arrogant redheads who install heart plugs in people so they can pull them out for a laugh). The Harkonnens are allied with the Sardaukar, the Emperor's guys, who wear radiation suits and waddle about.

The Guy Who Plays Bluto in the "Popeye" movie runs around a lot, laughing. Dogs run around a bit and they all get killed, except for Paul and his mother Jessica. They flee to the desert, using the power of their robot impressions to escape the clutches of the bad guys and falling into the clutches of the Fremen. The Fremen immediately accept Paul as their leader and he recognizes Sean Young from his dreams, so he immediately assumes her as his lover. Paul says "spice" about 10,191 times throughout the course of this movie, be prepared for that.

He rides around on a giant sandworm, drinks some blue water, and blows up all of Bluto's spice factories with small video cameras. Bluto runs around with evil glee on his face as Sting looks on, arrogantly.

At one point, the Baron is flying around a room. Sting steps naked out of a big box filled with steam, Bluto walks in, pushes over a midget and eats part of a cow. Through it all the guy with big hair from "Eraserhead" is twisting a box that makes an irritating squeaking noise. Then they give a bald cat, suspended in a box with a rat stuck to it, to Thufir. Seriously.

Paul meets up with Gurney, Jessica has a daughter, and they all plan a big strike on the Emperor. They use atomics at one point, but this seems to make absolutely no difference. They all move into the room. Paul's sister kills the Baron, the Emperor kills Bluto, and Paul kills Sting in a fight and then blows him up. If you look carefully, you will notice that Thufir is there one minute and gone the next, despite efforts to hide this with other footage.

Paul's sister proclaims Paul to be the Kwisatz Haderach (super being) and then it starts to rain. Some guy with a beard and a widow's peak says "It is the legend," as he has been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie. Then Paul and Stilgar exchange a knowing glance, as they have been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie. Then Paul says "spice," as he has been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Don't trust bald women with metal teeth.
  • Every major power in the universe has one guy with massive eyebrows that wears smeared lipstick.
  • People in the future prove that they are humans by setting their hands on fire.
  • Barons find drinking a piece of coal and then throwing the container into some water hilarious.
  • Space travel makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
  • Good guys are always in the vicinity of dogs.
  • All people with orange hair are evil.
  • If your mother can grab a tribal chief by the throat, they will immediately accept you as their leader.
  • Shouting "garden" or "toga" through a small video camera is fatal.
  • Drinking blue water gives every bald woman in the universe a nosebleed.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 7 mins - No doubt about it, this is a David Lynch movie.
  • 15 mins - Around about now, we learn that all of Paul's friends are disturbing psychopaths.
  • 30 mins - Eww!
  • 37 mins - David Lynch's take on Space Travel...
  • 48 mins - David Lynch cameo!!
  • 63 mins - Dude, war isn't easy when you're HOLDING A DOG!
  • 66 mins - Duncan watches as he gets shot in the head by the slowest bullet in the world.
  • 66 mins - When I die, I want to die as coolly as this.
  • 81 mins - Lousy integration of the stunt man and the actor.
  • 82 mins - "Such stealth"? Maybe that's because they weren't moving.
  • 84 mins - Paul proclaims Chani to be "so beautiful" when she looks her very worst.
  • 86 mins - The most confusing few minutes of my life.
  • 91 mins - Err... ...I retract my last comment.
  • 94 mins - RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN OBELISK!
  • 96 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A WALL!

Quotes: 

  • Stilgar: "I will take the boy-man...UNH!"
  • Gurney: "Mood's a thing for cattle and love play, not fighting!"

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note dune1.wav Reverend Mother: "Put your right hand in the box."
Paul: "What's in the box?"
Reverend Mother: "Pain."
Green Music Note dune2.wav Baron Harkonnen: "He who controls the spice controls the universe!"
Green Music Note dune3.wav The Emperor: "I want fifty legions of Sardaukar on Arrakis at once!"
Officer: "Fifty legions? That's our entire reserves as well."
The Emperor: "This is genocide: the deliberate and systematic destruction of all life on Arrakis!"
Green Music Note dune4.wav Paul: "We Fremen have a saying. God created Arrakis to train the faithful. One cannot go against the word of God."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipdune1.mpg - 2.6m
Paul and his Fremen warriors, riding sandworms, are easily defeating the Emperor's legions. You know, if I ever try to take on a worm longer than an aircraft carrier with a hand weapon, you can be sure I've flipped my lid.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 6
Dune
Reply #17. Posted on July 22, 2003, 03:40:58 AM by retroK
@Steve: This ist not a Queen Song it is Toto!!
Dune
Reply #18. Posted on May 20, 2004, 03:28:15 PM by Writer
Heh. This is the film that came out in the same year as the first Terminator film. James Cameron Dune this was going to be the big hit while his own film would just make a little money and be a nice little flick. Instead, Terminator turned out to be a real hit while Dune turned out to be a fifty million dollar disaster. Easy to see why.
Dune
Reply #19. Posted on June 14, 2004, 09:30:59 AM by
Personally Dune is my all time favourite film, however, whenever I read this review I get reduced to tears...of laughter! Hahaha brilliant writing.
Dune
Reply #20. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Rob
I guess I'm strange, but I love this version of Dune. Sure it doesn't follow the great book it's based on, but it's still very enjoyable in it's own way. Does anybody remember The Shining ? Stanley K. didn't follow the novel but still made a very effective film.
If you like the visual style of Dune, see Chronicles Of Riddick, it has a similar look and feel.
Does anybody know where to find the four hour version of 1984 Dune ? Please email me if you do.
Dune
Reply #21. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by MrGB
David Lynch takes the most overrated book in history and turns it into an even worse movie. The FX were atrocious (Star Wars came out years before this, for god's sake), the plot reduced to the point of becoming completely incomprehensible, and, pray tell, what's that thing with those sonic guns? Ridiculous.
Dune
Reply #22. Posted on February 10, 2005, 03:18:21 PM by Kooshmeister
With regards to the sandworms, I think they get the nutrients they need to survive from the sand or something.
Dune
Reply #23. Posted on July 09, 2006, 11:04:37 PM by Dart Razmus
For those looking for a movie of a book thats more original then the book its based on it was good.Frankly the mini series was better.
Dune
Reply #24. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Bob3
God what an awful film. Saw this the week it opened and I remember the feeling while watching it of something heavy sitting on my chest. By the time the film ended - with a rain storm for cryin' out loud - I wanted to throw something at the screen.

There really isn't enough room to list the problems with this overblown confusing incoherent mess of a film - but it's safe to say that every decision David Lynch made about this film - from the Baron's boils to the silly sound weapons and the people with the weird eyebrows was just wrong. I'm not sure what Lynch was trying to do here but it didn't work. But for damn sure the man can't film a battle scene to save his life - the two battles in the movie feature loud music with people running around like they were late for a bus.

While I wasn't a huge fan of Dune I was keen to see what they could do with the book. Not much it turned out.
At least we managed to avoid Lynch directing anymore Dune films - he was signed to three if memory serves.
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