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DUNE - 3 Slimes
Rated PG-13
Copyright 1984 Dino de Laurentiis
Reviewed by Davey Whipwreck on 15 August 2001

The Characters:  

  • Paul - Kyle MacLachlan! Big-haired son of a duke, messiah, and super being.
  • The Fremen - A bunch of dirty people who live in the desert and have blue eyes.
  • Chani - Sean Young! She instantly becomes Paul's lover because he had a dream about her once.
  • Stilgar - Paul's (future) best friend and leader of the Fremen. The chief of "giving Paul a knowing glance." Makes lots of weird "UNH!" sounds for no apparent reason.
  • The Baron - Angry fat guy who can fly.
  • Feyd-Rautha - Sting! The Baron's evil nephew. Has messy, orange hair and wears a kinky black body suit. Has only mastered the emotions of "arrogant" and "looking up arrogantly, covered in blood, with a knife in the face."
  • Rabban - Bluto from that Popeye movie! The Baron's evil nephew. Has messy, orange hair and wears a kinky black body suit. Has only mastered the emotions of "evil glee" and "decapitated evil glee."
  • The Guild Navigator - A giant tumor that floats around in a big box and has the ability to make planets (or something) with beams of light from it's anus-like mouth.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Dune is an awesome book by Frank Herbert. Then David Lynch made it into a movie with an all-star cast and kind of screwed it up in places by leaving out three or four of the main characters altogether and confusing the hell out of us. The story begins with Princess Irulan (who you may recognize as "that chick from 'Candyman'") giving us a rough outline of the future. Basically, it's the year 10,191 and there is this special spice that everyone needs to travel through space and read minds and such.

Then we are taken to the Emperor of the known universe's palace. It's surrounded by several confusing things (like a guy with a metal nose) but it is actually a few seconds later where all sense is abandoned, as a giant tumor in a tank rolls in and a bald woman sits in another room thinking about him. If you look closely to the left of the tank, one of the guildsmen falls over. Hahaha!

So, then we move on to the Atreides family. There's this guy called Leto who is the Duke and his son Paul, the hero of the story. To cut a long story short, they all move to a big desert planet (where the special spice comes from) and they all get attacked in a plot by the Emperor and the Harkonnens (a bunch of evil, arrogant redheads who install heart plugs in people so they can pull them out for a laugh). The Harkonnens are allied with the Sardaukar, the Emperor's guys, who wear radiation suits and waddle about.

The Guy Who Plays Bluto in the "Popeye" movie runs around a lot, laughing. Dogs run around a bit and they all get killed, except for Paul and his mother Jessica. They flee to the desert, using the power of their robot impressions to escape the clutches of the bad guys and falling into the clutches of the Fremen. The Fremen immediately accept Paul as their leader and he recognizes Sean Young from his dreams, so he immediately assumes her as his lover. Paul says "spice" about 10,191 times throughout the course of this movie, be prepared for that.

He rides around on a giant sandworm, drinks some blue water, and blows up all of Bluto's spice factories with small video cameras. Bluto runs around with evil glee on his face as Sting looks on, arrogantly.

At one point, the Baron is flying around a room. Sting steps naked out of a big box filled with steam, Bluto walks in, pushes over a midget and eats part of a cow. Through it all the guy with big hair from "Eraserhead" is twisting a box that makes an irritating squeaking noise. Then they give a bald cat, suspended in a box with a rat stuck to it, to Thufir. Seriously.

Paul meets up with Gurney, Jessica has a daughter, and they all plan a big strike on the Emperor. They use atomics at one point, but this seems to make absolutely no difference. They all move into the room. Paul's sister kills the Baron, the Emperor kills Bluto, and Paul kills Sting in a fight and then blows him up. If you look carefully, you will notice that Thufir is there one minute and gone the next, despite efforts to hide this with other footage.

Paul's sister proclaims Paul to be the Kwisatz Haderach (super being) and then it starts to rain. Some guy with a beard and a widow's peak says "It is the legend," as he has been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie. Then Paul and Stilgar exchange a knowing glance, as they have been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie. Then Paul says "spice," as he has been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Don't trust bald women with metal teeth.
  • Every major power in the universe has one guy with massive eyebrows that wears smeared lipstick.
  • People in the future prove that they are humans by setting their hands on fire.
  • Barons find drinking a piece of coal and then throwing the container into some water hilarious.
  • Space travel makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
  • Good guys are always in the vicinity of dogs.
  • All people with orange hair are evil.
  • If your mother can grab a tribal chief by the throat, they will immediately accept you as their leader.
  • Shouting "garden" or "toga" through a small video camera is fatal.
  • Drinking blue water gives every bald woman in the universe a nosebleed.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 7 mins - No doubt about it, this is a David Lynch movie.
  • 15 mins - Around about now, we learn that all of Paul's friends are disturbing psychopaths.
  • 30 mins - Eww!
  • 37 mins - David Lynch's take on Space Travel...
  • 48 mins - David Lynch cameo!!
  • 63 mins - Dude, war isn't easy when you're HOLDING A DOG!
  • 66 mins - Duncan watches as he gets shot in the head by the slowest bullet in the world.
  • 66 mins - When I die, I want to die as coolly as this.
  • 81 mins - Lousy integration of the stunt man and the actor.
  • 82 mins - "Such stealth"? Maybe that's because they weren't moving.
  • 84 mins - Paul proclaims Chani to be "so beautiful" when she looks her very worst.
  • 86 mins - The most confusing few minutes of my life.
  • 91 mins - Err... ...I retract my last comment.
  • 94 mins - RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN OBELISK!
  • 96 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A WALL!

Quotes: 

  • Stilgar: "I will take the boy-man...UNH!"
  • Gurney: "Mood's a thing for cattle and love play, not fighting!"

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note dune1.wav Reverend Mother: "Put your right hand in the box."
Paul: "What's in the box?"
Reverend Mother: "Pain."
Green Music Note dune2.wav Baron Harkonnen: "He who controls the spice controls the universe!"
Green Music Note dune3.wav The Emperor: "I want fifty legions of Sardaukar on Arrakis at once!"
Officer: "Fifty legions? That's our entire reserves as well."
The Emperor: "This is genocide: the deliberate and systematic destruction of all life on Arrakis!"
Green Music Note dune4.wav Paul: "We Fremen have a saying. God created Arrakis to train the faithful. One cannot go against the word of God."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipdune1.mpg - 2.6m
Paul and his Fremen warriors, riding sandworms, are easily defeating the Emperor's legions. You know, if I ever try to take on a worm longer than an aircraft carrier with a hand weapon, you can be sure I've flipped my lid.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6
Dune
Reply #25. Posted on November 05, 2004, 07:51:41 PM by Chris Schneider
O.K., you are on a huge desert planet with nothing but sand Ė hence the title, DUNE Ė no water, vegetation or 7-11ís. My question is, WHAT THE HELL DO THESE SAND WORMS EAT FOR GODíS SAKE? It canít be other sand worms, because then THEY would have had something to eat before hand. If any answers are floating about, please email them to this site.
Dune
Reply #26. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Sean
I'm surprised nothing was ever mentioned about Sting's big line:

"I WILL KILL HIM!"

I laugh whenever I hear that.
Dune
Reply #27. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by SuperDave
How bout another character assassination with the Bene Gesserit's reverend mother? She mastered the fine art of "wideeyed indignation".

:)

Funny review. Loved the movie when it came out, and this review had me 'rolling'.
Franks work must have been tough to squeeze into a two hour movie. A lot must have been left on the cutting room floor, and thus the reason for the big budget but 'low' quality special effects.
Have you seen the Sci-Fi channels mini series? Good stuff.
I think its a great adaptation of the Dune book series.
Certain parts had me going "Oh! Thats right!".

David
Dune
Reply #28. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Sal
I think we all have mixed emotions about this movie.

I remember reading the movie storybook as a kid--you know, big pictures, not too much text--and thinking "Wow! What a great story."

Then I saw the movie, and absolutely HATED IT! The scene with the heart plug made me almost puke--I was 11 or 12 when I rented the video, and that scene made me sick.

Having read the book this year (2005), I decided to give the move a 2nd chance. The novel, by the way, is awesome.

As for the Lynch film, I no longer hate it. It has great production design. Great actors, IMHO. But while the 1st half of the film is pretty solid, the 2nd half crams 2/3 of the book into an hour or so.

It makes me wonder what a 4 hour version (not the 3 hour TV version) would have been like...


Dune
Reply #29. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by John Dashwood
Well I recall the makers of it pating themselves on the backs about closely the followed the book. In the 6 hour movie version perhaps they did. But we only got the cut down version. Which made 100% no sense to anyone who didn't read the book. It's a great book! I read it after I saw the movie. Not sure how I ended up reading it. I was grossed out by the movie when I first saw it. It seemed everyone in it was creepy looking, and it had way too much of that 1960s space look and feel to everything. But thats just me. When you don't feel some sort of identity to a movie. You don't relate to it. Thus
it come them it goes. While movies that you feel like you can relate to become cult classics. Dune is a tragic case. It should have been a movie everyone would have found something to relate to. Be them Sci-fi fans, military, politicians, professionals, idealists, computer nerds, MetalHeads, SkinHeads, Punks and what have you. The books touched on sooo much! From politics, religion, race, genetics, eugenics, psychology, war and anthropology. This movie could have been the biggest blockbuster in history! If it was done right. But they sterilized all of it because such things make the meek uncomfortable. The TV series fumbled the ball as well. Just not as much. They still had way to many guns, they screw up Duncan Idaho's heroic death,
they written Thufir almost completely out of the script, (Rumor has it that the chick playing the Princess pulled many stings from behind the scenes from her tribe to give her a much bigger role in the movie. A much bigger role her character didn't have in the book. You can see this in that fact that most of her lines are lines Thufir had in the book when he was capured by the Baron! Plus she has nothing on   Virginia Madsen's looks or acting talent.) Also. Both attempts failed to show the artilery fire that was in the book. Which also showed why guns were not used. Because those personal force fields stop bullets and fast moving objects. Making guns out dated. However! When the cities shields were down. The Baron had cannons used cannons as a distraction and to cause havok. Also Lazguns could not be used on shields. The contact of both cause a nuclear reaction. Which Duncan Idaho used to help them escape. But anyway. I could go on but I'm sure you get the point. It's not bad it's not great. Sort of like Riddick. Few people feel identity to a psychopath. Or someone like Vin Diesel. Who looks way too much like N.O.'s  Naggin for anyone's comfort!
Dune
Reply #30. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM by Sweden
I first saw this film long before I read the book, and as a result fell in love with its awfulness. "Many machines on Ix... Better than those on Richesse." Yep, that same planet that isn't mentioned ONCE through the rest of the film! Actually, I can't remember Ix being mentioned again. "The Duke has been gaining favour in the Lansdraad." Er, yeah.

Then I read the book, the film began to make sense, and I lost all my inclination to watch it. Fortunatly, I enjoyed the books (all of them, even Chapter House, which a lot of people seem to despise).

I haven't seen the film in about four years, which makes this review like greeting an old friend. "The worm is the spice, the spice is the worm!"
Re: Dune
Reply #31. Posted on January 18, 2007, 01:29:50 AM by Wally
This is a floored masterpiece. It has so many good things going for it and just as many bad. The sonic weapons are just plain corny, what a dumb idea.
Re: Dune
Reply #32. Posted on January 19, 2007, 08:37:10 AM by furbearingbrick
I guess you've heard this by now, but the first one to tackle the task of attempting to film Dune was Alexandro Jodorowsky (of El Topo fame.) It would have starred Salvador Dali as the Emperor, Moebius made costume designs, Giger was doing backgrounds, Chris Foss (you've probably seen his artwork on sci-fi paperback covers) was designing the ships, and Pink Floyd would have done the soundtrack. That would have been some movie!!!

http://www.duneinfo.com/unseen/

http://www.jd.gosling.btinternet.co.uk/dune.htm

http://membres.lycos.fr/sarfa/majeure.html (Note: this site is in French)
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