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DUNE - 3 Slimes
Rated PG-13
Copyright 1984 Dino de Laurentiis
Reviewed by Davey Whipwreck on 15 August 2001

The Characters:  

  • Paul - Kyle MacLachlan! Big-haired son of a duke, messiah, and super being.
  • The Fremen - A bunch of dirty people who live in the desert and have blue eyes.
  • Chani - Sean Young! She instantly becomes Paul's lover because he had a dream about her once.
  • Stilgar - Paul's (future) best friend and leader of the Fremen. The chief of "giving Paul a knowing glance." Makes lots of weird "UNH!" sounds for no apparent reason.
  • The Baron - Angry fat guy who can fly.
  • Feyd-Rautha - Sting! The Baron's evil nephew. Has messy, orange hair and wears a kinky black body suit. Has only mastered the emotions of "arrogant" and "looking up arrogantly, covered in blood, with a knife in the face."
  • Rabban - Bluto from that Popeye movie! The Baron's evil nephew. Has messy, orange hair and wears a kinky black body suit. Has only mastered the emotions of "evil glee" and "decapitated evil glee."
  • The Guild Navigator - A giant tumor that floats around in a big box and has the ability to make planets (or something) with beams of light from it's anus-like mouth.

Buy It!

The Plot: 

Dune is an awesome book by Frank Herbert. Then David Lynch made it into a movie with an all-star cast and kind of screwed it up in places by leaving out three or four of the main characters altogether and confusing the hell out of us. The story begins with Princess Irulan (who you may recognize as "that chick from 'Candyman'") giving us a rough outline of the future. Basically, it's the year 10,191 and there is this special spice that everyone needs to travel through space and read minds and such.

Then we are taken to the Emperor of the known universe's palace. It's surrounded by several confusing things (like a guy with a metal nose) but it is actually a few seconds later where all sense is abandoned, as a giant tumor in a tank rolls in and a bald woman sits in another room thinking about him. If you look closely to the left of the tank, one of the guildsmen falls over. Hahaha!

So, then we move on to the Atreides family. There's this guy called Leto who is the Duke and his son Paul, the hero of the story. To cut a long story short, they all move to a big desert planet (where the special spice comes from) and they all get attacked in a plot by the Emperor and the Harkonnens (a bunch of evil, arrogant redheads who install heart plugs in people so they can pull them out for a laugh). The Harkonnens are allied with the Sardaukar, the Emperor's guys, who wear radiation suits and waddle about.

The Guy Who Plays Bluto in the "Popeye" movie runs around a lot, laughing. Dogs run around a bit and they all get killed, except for Paul and his mother Jessica. They flee to the desert, using the power of their robot impressions to escape the clutches of the bad guys and falling into the clutches of the Fremen. The Fremen immediately accept Paul as their leader and he recognizes Sean Young from his dreams, so he immediately assumes her as his lover. Paul says "spice" about 10,191 times throughout the course of this movie, be prepared for that.

He rides around on a giant sandworm, drinks some blue water, and blows up all of Bluto's spice factories with small video cameras. Bluto runs around with evil glee on his face as Sting looks on, arrogantly.

At one point, the Baron is flying around a room. Sting steps naked out of a big box filled with steam, Bluto walks in, pushes over a midget and eats part of a cow. Through it all the guy with big hair from "Eraserhead" is twisting a box that makes an irritating squeaking noise. Then they give a bald cat, suspended in a box with a rat stuck to it, to Thufir. Seriously.

Paul meets up with Gurney, Jessica has a daughter, and they all plan a big strike on the Emperor. They use atomics at one point, but this seems to make absolutely no difference. They all move into the room. Paul's sister kills the Baron, the Emperor kills Bluto, and Paul kills Sting in a fight and then blows him up. If you look carefully, you will notice that Thufir is there one minute and gone the next, despite efforts to hide this with other footage.

Paul's sister proclaims Paul to be the Kwisatz Haderach (super being) and then it starts to rain. Some guy with a beard and a widow's peak says "It is the legend," as he has been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie. Then Paul and Stilgar exchange a knowing glance, as they have been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie. Then Paul says "spice," as he has been doing every five minutes throughout the whole bloody movie.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Don't trust bald women with metal teeth.
  • Every major power in the universe has one guy with massive eyebrows that wears smeared lipstick.
  • People in the future prove that they are humans by setting their hands on fire.
  • Barons find drinking a piece of coal and then throwing the container into some water hilarious.
  • Space travel makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
  • Good guys are always in the vicinity of dogs.
  • All people with orange hair are evil.
  • If your mother can grab a tribal chief by the throat, they will immediately accept you as their leader.
  • Shouting "garden" or "toga" through a small video camera is fatal.
  • Drinking blue water gives every bald woman in the universe a nosebleed.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • 7 mins - No doubt about it, this is a David Lynch movie.
  • 15 mins - Around about now, we learn that all of Paul's friends are disturbing psychopaths.
  • 30 mins - Eww!
  • 37 mins - David Lynch's take on Space Travel...
  • 48 mins - David Lynch cameo!!
  • 63 mins - Dude, war isn't easy when you're HOLDING A DOG!
  • 66 mins - Duncan watches as he gets shot in the head by the slowest bullet in the world.
  • 66 mins - When I die, I want to die as coolly as this.
  • 81 mins - Lousy integration of the stunt man and the actor.
  • 82 mins - "Such stealth"? Maybe that's because they weren't moving.
  • 84 mins - Paul proclaims Chani to be "so beautiful" when she looks her very worst.
  • 86 mins - The most confusing few minutes of my life.
  • 91 mins - Err... ...I retract my last comment.
  • 94 mins - RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN OBELISK!
  • 96 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A WALL!

Quotes: 

  • Stilgar: "I will take the boy-man...UNH!"
  • Gurney: "Mood's a thing for cattle and love play, not fighting!"

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note dune1.wav Reverend Mother: "Put your right hand in the box."
Paul: "What's in the box?"
Reverend Mother: "Pain."
Green Music Note dune2.wav Baron Harkonnen: "He who controls the spice controls the universe!"
Green Music Note dune3.wav The Emperor: "I want fifty legions of Sardaukar on Arrakis at once!"
Officer: "Fifty legions? That's our entire reserves as well."
The Emperor: "This is genocide: the deliberate and systematic destruction of all life on Arrakis!"
Green Music Note dune4.wav Paul: "We Fremen have a saying. God created Arrakis to train the faithful. One cannot go against the word of God."
Green Music NoteTheme Song Listen to a clip from the soundtrack.

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

ImageImageImage
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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipdune1.mpg - 2.6m
Paul and his Fremen warriors, riding sandworms, are easily defeating the Emperor's legions. You know, if I ever try to take on a worm longer than an aircraft carrier with a hand weapon, you can be sure I've flipped my lid.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: 1 ... 3 4 [5] 6
Re: Dune
Reply #33. Posted on January 22, 2007, 09:42:05 PM by raj
I somehow forced myself through the first three books of this series (it's gotta get better) and threw in the towel midway through the fourth book -- when I learned that there was a fifth one coming out.  Make the pain stop, I'll tell you where bin Laden is.

the filmmaker managed to turn an incomprehensible, tedious and overly long book into an incomprehensible, tedious and overly long movie.  Hated it.
Re: Dune
Reply #34. Posted on February 21, 2007, 04:47:52 PM by giant Claw
They take a real good book and turn it into aperfectly awful movie what next for these nerds Thumbdown BounceGiggle
Re: Dune
Reply #35. Posted on February 22, 2007, 12:17:09 PM by Viktorcrayon
The best "bad movie" part in it for me, is when they discover that "Muad Dib" is a power word.

Theres also a scene where Muad Dib kills a dude, and then one of the fremen looks at him and goes "Muad Diiiiiiiib!!!!!" with love in his eyes. Hilarious.

Worst Lynch movie ever, but saw it recently again, while hungover/half asleep, and it was pretty enjoyable.
Re: Dune
Reply #36. Posted on March 14, 2007, 03:30:13 PM by amabush
Good grief! 'Dune' is one of the most atrocious films ever made! Portentous, boring, full of agonisingly self conscious performances, and what the hell is all that WHISPERING about? My bf and I spent a week whispering at each other after watching this, cracking up every time.  The bits which are meant to be funny (and they are very few) are the opposite - however you can't claim, conversely, that the serious bits are funny, there are far too many of them. And how could Lynch allow Sting to stay in the film after watching the rushes? HE IS NOT AN ACTOR and a child of three could see this. Sorry guys, it's a turkey.
Re: Dune
Reply #37. Posted on March 14, 2007, 04:33:47 PM by Him
and what the hell is all that WHISPERING about?

The whisperiing is their way of portraying what the characters are thinking.
Re: Dune
Reply #38. Posted on December 13, 2007, 12:57:35 AM by Babel-17
I acually like this film a great deal, but I gotta say, man...your section "Things I Learned...." was one of the funniest things I've read in long while! heh!



kudos!
B-17
Re: Dune
Reply #39. Posted on September 27, 2010, 04:58:25 PM by Lord Fancourt
I recently revisited Dune via Netflix. My first viewing, years ago, was before I ever read the novel, so watching this film anew led me to this conclusion: science fiction is a genre that is completely foreign to David Lynch. He was precisely the wrong person to direct this famous story. I also learned that he, and various other key persons on this flick had never even read the book. They just winged it, I guess.
If you are familiar with Frank Herbert's novel, you'll see just how badly they screwed up the movie version. And who the hell did they put in charge of hairstyles? Jeez!
From the extras on the DVD I learned that the original script for this ill-fated project was so huge that the movie would have been about 12 hours long! They went through several writers and many rewrites and a couple of other directors before cajoling Lynch into helming the shoot. Lynch himself admits it all turned to crap and to this day refuses to be associated with the film. He had his name taken off the credits and the job of director is now accredited to the fictitious Alan Smithee.
A newer version, with William Hurt, and less outlandish hairstlyes, done in two parts, is a much more faithful version to the novel and makes way better sense.
Re: Dune
Reply #40. Posted on September 27, 2010, 10:14:18 PM by Rev. Powell
I recently revisited Dune via Netflix. My first viewing, years ago, was before I ever read the novel, so watching this film anew led me to this conclusion: science fiction is a genre that is completely foreign to David Lynch. He was precisely the wrong person to direct this famous story. I also learned that he, and various other key persons on this flick had never even read the book. They just winged it, I guess.
If you are familiar with Frank Herbert's novel, you'll see just how badly they screwed up the movie version. And who the hell did they put in charge of hairstyles? Jeez!
From the extras on the DVD I learned that the original script for this ill-fated project was so huge that the movie would have been about 12 hours long! They went through several writers and many rewrites and a couple of other directors before cajoling Lynch into helming the shoot. Lynch himself admits it all turned to crap and to this day refuses to be associated with the film. He had his name taken off the credits and the job of director is now accredited to the fictitious Alan Smithee.
A newer version, with William Hurt, and less outlandish hairstlyes, done in two parts, is a much more faithful version to the novel and makes way better sense.

Lynch blames studio interference for the disaster that was DUNE.  In his interview in the book “Moviemakers’ Master Class” he says:

“My advice to every young filmmaker is this: remain in control of your film from beginning to end. It’s better not to make a film at all than to give up the power of final decision. Because if you do, you can suffer immensely. And I know that from experience. I shot Dune without final cut, and I was so damaged by the result that it took me three years before I could make another film. I still haven’t gotten over it, even today. It’s a wound that won’t heal.”
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