IDLE HANDS
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1999 Columbia Pictures
| | Reviewed by Rob
on 28 February 2001
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- Anton - Laziest guy in the world whose right hand gets possessed by Satan. (I'm serious! Why are you laughing?) Played by Devon Sawa, who you'll find in the movie Final Destination. He cuts it off and then chases after it to save his love, Molly, from it.
- Mick - Seth Green! Stoner friend of Anton who gets a broken beer bottle through the skull by Anton's demonically-possessed hand. Rises as one of the undead because he's too damn lazy to go to Heaven (no, I'm not kidding) and helps Anton to destroy his hand.
- Pnub - Anton's other stoner friend who gets decapitated by a thrown circular saw blade. Also rises from the dead because he's too damn lazy to go to Heaven and also helps Anton to destroy his hand (I must admit that the effects with him being headless are impressive).
- Molly - Hot short-haired brunette who becomes Anton's love interest and Satan's chosen victim of sacrifice. Gets rescued by Anton and his buddies.
- Curtis - Major headbanger who's into 80's metal (I like him already!) and who spends most of his time working on his truck. His favorite song appears to be Motley Crue's "Shout at the Devil." Helps Anton to destroy his hand and becomes Debi's love interest (at least for a short time).
- Debi - Vivica A. Fox! No more chasing aliens - now it's the Devil himself who's vying for control of the earth. She manages to destroy Anton's hand and then has ritualistic sex with Curtis.
- Tanya - Molly's best friend who becomes Pnub's love interest (when he's undead! You'd think that she'd think he is awfully cold while they're making out!) Gets caught up in a ventilation rotor and chopped to valley girl bits.
- McMacy and Ruck - Two cheese-dick cops who spend most of their time trying to bust Anton and his buddies for drug possession/use. McMacy gets a knitting needle through the head while Ruck gets fried with a Taser.
- The Hand - Anton's right hand, possessed by Satan (I'm entirely serious). Played by Christopher Hart, who played Thing in the Addams Family movies. Goes on a killing spree against anyone and anything and tries to take Molly with him (it?) to Hell but is done in by a magical knife wielded by Debi.
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The catch phrase for this film is, "The tender story of a young boy and his hand." That actually sounds more like the catch phrase of a porn movie. Nonetheless, this kind of movie is what bad movies are all about. It centers around young Anton, a lazy-ass high school student whose primary motivation is to get high every day of his life with his two buddies, Mick and Pnub. Unfortunately, things are about to take a turn for the worse when his right hand gets possessed by Satan. (Let's let that sink in for a moment.)
Before Anton knows it, his right hand is out of control, doing things he would normally never do, such as brutally killing people. When Mick tries to calm him down with a beer, the hand's retaliation is to break the bottle and jam it into Mick's skull. Next, Pnub tries to escape Anton's killer hand, only to have a buzz saw blade thrown at him, taking his head off.
In the meantime, Anton still manages to get some. Having a thing for the girl next door; he manages to hit it off with her pretty well, all the while keeping his hand at bay. Once the make-out session is over, he buries all of his dead friends, but comes to discover that neither Mick nor Pnub take too kindly to becoming a worm feast. Apparently, they were both on their way to Heaven when they decided it was too far to travel. (At this point, the movie has really gotten weird.)
Seeking advice from Curtis, the local heavy metal headbanger, Anton decides to keep his right hand busy (not that way, you pervert!) by knitting, being told that "idle hands are the Devil's tool." However, this claim doesn't hold water when two cops - McMacy and Ruck - arrive to investigate the disappearance of each of the hand's victims. In the scene which follows, the possessed hand uses a knitting needle to treat McMacy's head like a shish kabob while it turns Ruck's own Taser on its owner. Meanwhile, Curtis is confronted by Debi, a woman who has been tracking Satan's progress for some time. Apparently, the Devil plans to sacrifice a girl of his choice to take back with him to Hell.
Determined to get rid of his demonic hand once and for all, Anton severs it with a meat cleaver. Unfortunately, this only allows the hand to move on its own. Afraid of where it might be going, Anton heads to the high school Halloween party with his undead buddies to stop it, where they are both met by Curtis and Debi.
Here, the hand goes on yet another killing spree, this time by sharpening each of it's fingertips with an electric pencil sharpener. It isn't before long until the hand has gotten its - well, itself on Molly, whom it plans to sacrifice. Though it hides inside a puppet, Anton manages to find it trying to crush Molly by raising a car with her on top to the ceiling. While Anton hurries to save his girlfriend, Mick and Pnub decide to get stoned off of a giant bong made by another student in metal shop. Anton has the brilliant idea of inhaling the pot and blowing inside the hand's puppet, thus stoning Satan. Soon afterwards, Debi destroys the hand with a magical knife.
In the end, Mick and Pnub are both asked again to enter Heaven's gates, and this time they accept. Anton lays in the hospital recovering not only from the injury to his right arm, but to the injuries sustained by a falling car. He gets the girl, and even gets Mick and Pnub as his guardian angels.
That's Idle Hands in a nutshell. I must warn you, dear reader, not only was this movie weird as all hell (no pun intended), it was also twice as gory. I don't recommend it for anyone who has a weak stomach.
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- If you cut off your demonically-possessed hand, make sure you contain it immediately before it runs off.
- Satan can get stoned off of pot (so can hands, for that matter, which have no respiratory organs).
- If you're having a near-death experience and are heading up into Heaven, be prepared to travel quite a distance.
- If you find three hands on your breasts while you're fooling around with your boyfriend, you've got problems.
- Being undead and having your head separated from your shoulders - really sucks.
- Even Motley Crue's "Shout at the Devil" can get annoying if played over a million times.
- Hot steam irons make good cauterizing devices.
- Satan really doesn't like cats.
- If you have a bottle of beer stuck in your head, make sure you don't snag it on anything.
- While making out, make sure your demonically-possessed hand is tied up.
- Make sure you know the difference between druidic and standard time.
- Never, never mess with a metalhead's truck.
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- 1 min - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST ANTON'S PARENTS!
- 10 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST SETH GREEN!
- 11 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST THE OTHER GUY!
- 15 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A CAT!
- 20 mins - Anton and Molly get some, while Satan gets frustrated.
- 25 mins - What in the name of Buddha's toe jam is going on here?
- 40 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST TWO COPS!
- 50 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A RIGHT HAND!
- 55 mins - Microwaved manual meat!
- 60 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 61 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST TWO FRONT SEAT LOVERS!
- 65 mins - Looks like Satan's ready to take the ACT.
- 67 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A BAND MEMBER'S HEAD!
- 75 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A VALLEY GIRL!
- 85 mins - I like that costume on Molly a lot better.
- 90 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A DEMONICALLY-POSSESSED HAND!
- 93 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST DEVON SAWA!
- 95 mins - How sweet, he blew off Heaven to stay with her!
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | idlehands1.wav
| Mick: "All you do is smoke pot and watch TV all day. Now don't wrong, that's what life is all about, but don't you think you should have some ambition? Like a goal?"
| | idlehands2.wav
| Pnub: "Ant? They were killed by ants?"
Mick: "Please don't be stupid."
| | idlehands3.wav
| Anton: "I was looking for my cat. We got in a fight."
Molly: "You sure got your ass kicked."
Anton: "I did okay."
| | idlehands4.wav
| Anton: "You're dead!"
Mick: "Easy tiger, undead actually."
Anton: "You said you were just unconscious. You lied to me!"
Mick: "Hey, you killed me! All right? Try and keep this thing in perspective. Yeah, I was a little bitter about the whole 'getting killed by my best friend thing,' but I've had time to get over it."
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | idlehands1.mpg
- 1.1m
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| After watching "History of the World Part I" for the thousandth time, the hand decides to try out that really neat CATapult trick.
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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