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SHE - 4 Slimes
Not Rated
Copyright 1985 Royal Films
Reviewed by Warren H. on 22 November 2000

The Characters:  

  • Tom & Dick - Two morons who also happen to be the toughest men in the land.
  • Hari - Tom's sister, her kidnapping spurs the quest.
  • She - Wimpy goddess of a clan of female warriors.
  • Shanda - She's right-hand woman.
  • Hector - Second-in-command of the Norks, he leads most of their attacks.
  • Kram - Leader of the desiccated Nukes; his arms tend to come off.
  • Pretty Boy & Pretty Girl - leaders of the Beautiful People, they have a secret...
  • Godan & Eva: "Man-god" leader of an S&M cult; Eva is his high priestess.
  • Rabel & Rudolph: Rabel is a mad scientist and Rudolph is his cross-dressing lackey.
  • Xenon: Guards the entrance to Nork City; he is a work of pure genius.
  • The Norks: Guys in cool costumes who fight, eat large meals, and raid settlements for women


The Plot: 

Bear with me here folks, it's a wild ride. The year is 23 After the Cancellation. Tom, Dick, and Hari (get it?) steer their boat into port near a flea market to peddle their wares. Unfortunately, the Norks attack, slap people around, and wave plastic scythes. Hari is captured while Tom and Dick are beaten senseless. They awaken later to find themselves enslaved by the followers of She.

After much fighting, kidnapping, torture, and a run in with the Nukes, the fun really starts. Witness Tom and Dick eat meat and listen to bee-bop/techno music with the Beautiful People and then fend off attacks by Godan's glowing matte effect eyes. Listen to Shanda say "No! No! Ah! No! No!" for eight straight minutes while enduring the least effective torture ever devised.

After that, it's only logical they would be attacked by a fat guy in pink ballet outfit and stuffed in plastic bags right? We can't forget Xenon, of course. His technique is to annoy people into chopping off his arm, head, leg, whatever, which then grow into duplicates of himself! Pure genius, my friends, pure genius. And that's not all...

I apologize for the time frames below, the timer feature on my watch was acting screwy and some of the times may be a few minutes off.

Things I Learned From This Movie: 

  • Flea markets after the Apocalypse are even more cutthroat.
  • Goddesses need not have any powers, just the title "Goddess."
  • Goddesses have some wicked monthly cycles (you'll just have to watch the movie).
  • Never trust a woman with pigs in her apartment.
  • Be kind to radiation spawned mutants, their arms come off very easily.
  • Being lightly slapped with a cat o' nine tails is unbearable.
  • Don't chop up the annoying little guy guarding the bridge, no matter how much he gets on your nerves.
  • Do, however, toss him into a mine field.

Stuff To Watch For: 

  • Opening Credits - Neat
  • 5 mins - I have no idea what's going on, but I love it.
  • 7 mins - Ow! Harpooned in the knee. Now he's dragging her! Owowowowow!
  • 9 mins - What?! They didn't die?
  • 13 mins - This musical score is rather inappropriate.
  • 14 mins - That must have hurt.
  • 20 mins - She fighting a gladiator, a night, samurai, and now the Frankenstein monster. What the hell?
  • 23 mins-RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
  • 31 mins - A chainsaw fight, all right!
  • 42 mins - Things are looking grim for our heroes.
  • 45 mins - Something tells me this is a bad sign.
  • 49 mins - Can they survive this horrible (cough) torture?
  • 57 mins - An iron maiden kill! This movie has everything!
  • 60 mins - Ouch. Bad acting, really bad.
  • 79 mins - That was BRILLIANT! (Seriously!)
  • 84 mins - That was also brilliant.
  • 90 mins - He may be ruthless, but he's a good host.

Quotes: 

  • Shanda: "This doesn't make sense!"
    She: "This has nothing to do with sense!"
  • Pretty Boy: "Wonderful old world custom, dance, you should try it. More meat?"
  • Godan: "How dare you? I am your god!"
    Eva (shrieking): "You're a maaaaaaaan! And you betraaaaaaaayed us!" (more incoherent shrieking)

 Audio clips in wav formatSOUNDSStarving actors speak out 

FileDialog
Green Music Note she1.wav A worship service for She, this makes Mass look like a picnic.
Green Music Note she2.wav Taphir: "Our law is She, the goddess, who's your god?"
Dick: "Our god? We don't have god, we do business."
Green Music Note she3.wav Kram: "Never trust a mutant, that's your motto isn't it?"
Green Music Note she4.wav Pretty Boy: "Your friend seems slightly over enthusiastic."
Tom: "My friend's an asshole."
Green Music Note she5.wav Rabel: "You are a superior specimen, I might try some breeding experiments with you."
Green Music Note she6.wav Hector: "This is the life of the Norks: food, women, and war! Nothing better on the face of this Earth, now you have an opportunity to be a Nork."

 Click for a larger imageIMAGESScenes from the movie 

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 Watch a sceneVIDEOMPEG video files 

Video Clipshe1.mpg - 3.1m
At this point we have four copies of Xenon running wild and Tom still has not gotten the idea through his head that the annoying bastard is a hybrid made from Robin Williams, Steve Martin, and Planaria DNA.

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Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2
She
Reply #1. Posted on November 25, 2000, 06:56:51 PM by BoyScoutKevin
Too bad that film is out of print. It sounds like something I would like to see. I guess I will have to wait until it comes to television or is back in print. Does anybody know whether this version is as good as the 1965 one with Ursula Andress, Peter Cushing, and Christopher Lee and/or the 1935 version with Helen Gallaghn, Randolph Scott, and Nigel Bruce of Sherlock Holmes fame?
She
Reply #2. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by sydling
Janne said it was a good film but I'm not so sure after seeing the clip....
She
Reply #3. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Janne
It's phenomenal, trust me.
She
Reply #4. Posted on October 18, 2002, 01:29:36 PM by Robin
One thing none of you have said is that Sandahl (She) is unbelievably HOT and seeing her gorgeous legs makes it work for me. The film is definitely worth seeing though, not just for sexy Sandahl, but also because it is such hilarious rubbish.
She
Reply #5. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Ken
I use to watch this movie back to back with Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon (which I own on DVD now) on USA's Up All Night. If only I could find SHE on dvd.
She
Reply #6. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by chrisb
I wonder if the Wachowski brothers were inspired to do the fight with Agent Smith multiples in Matrix Reloaded by the 'similar' scene with the Xenon(s)..
She
Reply #7. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM by Jamie
You can get she on DVD in England, check Amazon.co.uk, it's an absolutely awful moviw though. Sandahl Begman is sexy though, but she is about as goddesslike as a wet fish! The poor thing should've tried acting lessons. She was funny in Red Sonja though!
She
Reply #8. Posted on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM by John
23 years later, Im sure if it in the past or the future.

The action is good. Still...

When She and Dick defeated duplicate ahole. I see NOrk city(ruined city from anceint civilization.) THats where i realized it really in the future 2008. I kinda disturbing.

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